three steps backwards to propel us forward.
make acquaintances to the people
we grew up to be.

once lovers, now strangers
entangled in history,
retrace the path

follow the road of compassion
back to the beginning,
to find the future of us.

my mother always tells me i'm too sensitive
her childhood and the experiences throughout her life
shaped her to be tough like weeds growing in a garden
not quite supposed to be there but no matter how hard you try to pull them out
they always find a way to grow back

you see, i'm more like a shard of glass myself
lost in the ocean, a little rough around the edges
but softened with every wave that crashes over me
until nothing but a sliver remains

i come from a line of women who paved their own way into this world
they were born with a fire to survive so bright
it managed to light entire generations up until this point
passed from grandmother, to mother, to daughter, to -
wait a second, it's supposed to be my turn now

i close my eyes and try to visualize
crimson and tangerine flames within me
but find myself greeted with nothing but the black on the back of my eyelids
or is it just coal that i inherited?
dying embers being the specks of light that poke through

in all honesty, i don't think i was ready to be born into this world yet
the doctors told my mom she could not have a natural birth
because i refused to turn myself upside down
inside her womb like i was supposed to

almost like it was my way of telling them, wait -
i need a little longer
where it is warm, where it is safe
where there is still room for me to grow

give me a moment longer to tend to these embers
light them back into the fire that is supposed to be my birthright
that is supposed to run red within my blood

instead i open my eyes and find the greenish blue within my veins
like the salt water that shaped me

no trace of the passionate desire to survive
which leaves me feeling like i am lacking
i thought i was meant to be sharp like them
but i have come to learn that i'm not a sliver of glass
melting into nothingness with each wave that crashes over me

instead i've found that i am the ocean
the black behind my eyelids is the vastness, too deep to see
soft enough to flow through obstacles but solid enough to transform
whatever finds itself within the depths of me

my mother always tell me i'm too sensitive
but that doesn't mean i'm weak
my strength lies in my fluidity
which ebbs and flows like the sea

He lashed his anger upon me
Bruised my flesh with every hatful word
My love for him still stayed strong
My back endured all the pain and
It stood stronger as he became frail
He could not raise his fist nor speak
I did not act on retribution  
Tho it was my turn to raise my hand
And my voice
What I did was bath him so he can clean his soul
feed him sweet warm food to help him speak
Gentle words
What came to his tongue words I never heard
“Forgive me”
for I did, the moment after I baptized you

The warm light of afternoon
brings a blur to our harsh wrinkles.
Like a line drawing drafted over and over
after several mistakes.

The blemishes of us bleed and clot like brush strokes
on the painting of a landscape
Fleeting blues, searing orange,
the vista of our bends and breaks.

We sit together, as close as we can,
my nose in the cavity of your neck.
My surplus in the caves you carry,
your tears, lakes in my overbite.

I'll hold your hand holding mine holding yours,
breathe in your breath out.
If nobody is whole you can be my left foot,
and I can be your right.

soft to the touch
my fingertips hold the most
the heaviest things
like your heart
but to hold one thing
is to let go of another
I watched the well dry as you drank up
every single drop.

my tiny, tiny fingertips
hold a weight beyond belief,
it can since it wants.
my hands want to carry your weight
so you don't have to pretend
to care about this
or to love us
I held on to your heart
while you ran with the wolves
You ran with out the thought of me
Forgetting your heart as well
I'm just as forgetful
But I don't forgive.

I don’t want to participate in this anguish,
I want to be left alone,
I let go of my weapons and surrender to a power far greater,
I let go of my ego and accept my defeat gracefully,
I let go of despair and I let in peace,
I let in god,
I let in love,
I let in forgiveness,
Surrendering will not diminish my worth,
Surrendering will act as a balm,
May you rejoice in your victory,
For this fight is not mine to lose,
For this fight has nothing to do with me