I always waited
Waited until it felt
All dead.
It's all cold,
Still I waited.
Thought there
might be signs of
Our love being alive
All over again
But it faded
on it's own
Without any sign
And honestly
I never want to
say goodbye!

I’ve discvoered
A strange pastime of mine
I like to look for flaws
Little things I am ashamed of
Then use poetry
To slowly unravel them
Bit by bit
Like the
Small intestine
We unraveled in our seventh
Grade fetal
Pig disection
Just like that
The ugly flaws
Are unraveled bit by bit
Left in all their original
Blunt grotesque
Glory
In my mind
To be analyzed
And on paper
-or a screen I suppose
Embeleshed,
Into something
Beautified and attractive
But,
Still honest despite
Holding back
To an extent
...
Meanwhile,
In my mind
The flaws are
Picked apart
With little probes

Occasionally,
A finite solution
And method to
Get rid of the
Flaw
Placed on
My never ending
Bucket list

But,
More often than not-
...
ERROR
NO SOLUTION
REQUIRES FURTHER STUDY

I want to be able to live,
to breathe and to love.
How can I do this when I can't even fix myself?
I've done everything...
Smoke fills my lungs and boys keep me warm,
but I still can't fill this empty void.
I want to be whole.

I want to be whole,
so that I can live life instead of surviving.
I've done everything...
I'm at rock bottom and no one
or nothing can seem to pull me up.
How do I get out of this?
How do I stop being pathetic and lonely?
Do I need God?
Do I need to chop off my hair and leave?
Do I need to ink my skin so I won't empty?
What do I need to do?
I'm out of options.
I don't want to die,
but at this point it seems like the only relevant choice.
But...the thing is that I don't want to die.
I want to live.
I want to breathe,
and I want to love.

I'm not great like the ancient Greeks.
My door is tattered, unoiled, and it creaks.
The glass coffee table now in pieces,
mirroring thousands of broken perspectives.
The clothes on the floor, reflecting the messy
internal view of my life.

But I can fix it, can't I?
I could oil the hinges of my door,
brand new like it was before.
I could buy a stronger table,
no longer dysfunctional
and unable.
As for my clothes, I'll just fold them back.
It's really not a daunting task.
Some parts are easy, some are pretty tricky
and repair takes time but go on
and fix your life.

I don't know how much I can take
I fear eventually I'll break
Trying to hold the broken pieces of your heart and soul
But it's all so heavy
This weight I have to carry

What if my hands give up and let you go?
I don't want to let you go..
You need to try too
I can't fix you by myself even though I really want to
Happiness is a choice and I can't make that decision for you
Please just help me fix you