Before everything

i. I never knew four letters could melt
menthol candy-like, hydrochloric acid on my tongue
and keep burning it in different degrees
I had to swallow back.

ii. That there would come a time
I'd have to baptize the pain in my chest like seasons
robbing me lungfuls
on January, September and December nights.

iii. That my blood was really ink I needed to stop using
before my skin turned paper-like.

iv. That my heart had an epicenter pumping a magnitude of earthquakes
that made me tremble helplessly in its intensity;
and that they were man-made calamities
followed by harsh, heavy, whipping tsunamis
to flood my grave of bleeding, jagged fault lines.

v. That aftereffects lasted longer than treatment itself,
and that I didn't need any professional diagnosis to know
I was terminal
from the same drug that made butterfly-strokes in my veins,
whose arms withheld the only elixir to this malady.

vi. I named my sickness, my pain, my agony like orphaned children, after you--
a rare disease
the doctors didn't even know about yet.

vii. I did and I doubted
but a part of me beat signals
that echoed off the cave walls of my skull
that I knew.

viii. Before everything,
I have been warned
but I chose to listen to the soothing, wrong, hopeful voices
"He means no harm,".

ix. You began spreading like an epidemic-- a tumor to a colony of cells all over me-- until I became you;
a reflection of familiar suffering and mortality, slowly withering away.
In the end, I didn't even have you to blame
for letting me overdose from intakes
of my own ****, bitter medicine and unforgivable mistakes.

x. I guess, this was how you wanted the price to be paid.

How would I stop this feeling?

I don’t know if I feel the same

When someone is in love and falling

Is this must be stop, in this way?

Is this love? That they say

Is this the feeling I love to share?

I must be the one who should be blame

I shouldn’t fall to someone who’s not fair

Loving you is not easy

But escaping from it is terribly.

I want to push my head against the wall

Hoping that there is someone put me up from fall.

As I sit in my car I realize
I have no more alibis
I've run outa lies to tell myself
The relationship I've built was a compromise
to make myself feel alive
But it's not working anymore

...Nothing's working anymore

It's been some time since we've spoken,
I don't mean a one word greeting...are we broken?
I've tried everything there is
gave my pride up for this!
Are you saying it's all for nothing,
That my efforts are simply rotting?
How quaint of you to think that,
How kind of you to say
that all that I've done
will be forgotten, washed away.
How the heck do you think I feel?
That all I had been working for was never even real?
I trusted you so much,
and then you started to change.
When I made my decision,
We were still family.... Just estranged
I didn't give up,
I still cared
I couldn't stop!
But all of it
fell on deaf ears not attempting to hear,
unseeing eyes not willing to try,
dying souls not daring to live,
closed mouths not striving to speak,
shattered hearts not struggling to be made whole!
My efforts were in vain
and yet why can't I release myself from this?
Why do I still freaking care?

Chill give sway
to tropic breeze
rain consume ditch
and shallow space

mock spring
frogs, birds sing
fools believe
spring’s arrival

frigid air
soon returns
frost burning
hearts too frail

blue
like the sky
before night
swallows you.

He gives her a wilting rose with thorns —
Fingers crossed and a wry smile.
She suppresses pain and denies truth.
She smiles and says, i love you
Through a sore palm and bleeding fingers