Today is supposed to be a day about family togetherness, instead my family just fell apart. When I wake up I must paint on a smile  for my babies and pretend like everything is ok. When the truth is I'm dying inside. It's all I have to hide the tears that insist on making an appearance. Having to hustle and make last minute plans which just got done because the orignal plans you had with your family are no longer. (Just like that) It's over. Hearing my youngest ask for her father, grandmother, and grandfather is to heartbreaking to even write about. I broke down in tears earlier in private, just feeling so empty and lost and like I failed my children. Its so hard not to believe otherwise. The innocense of a child is so fragile. A parent will bare anything to protect their children from pain. Even then that sometimes only goes so far...

Blood means nothing once it's faded away,
Or maybe it never had the chance to stay.
Genetics don't mean a thing,
When you've never had the chance to know.
Blood means nothing,
Because you don't care so now I don't care.
If one day you decide to care,
Well then you've lost your chance.
You can see the blood smeared on the walls.
They mean nothing at all.
Our blood has now changed.
Goodbye to a never known "man."