Lifted above
Ascending above our heads
Arms support
A sleeping body
Exhausted from crisis
Tired of fighting
c
r
a
s
h
.
.
.
A rival appears
One that never passed grade school
We tried to get them away
Cough
More coughing
She's awake...
The ruiner of our days
Will be blocked
By the woman
With a broken bat
She may not win...
But she'll try
Until she becomes a sacrifice.

“Try to be happy,
You shouldn’t be sad.”
Don’t you think I know that?
It’s what drives me mad.

“Just stop thinking about it,
and let go of the past.”
It all seems so simple,
but I can’t make it last.

“It’s mind over matter,
just think positive.”
Like I’m in control,
of my thought narrative.

“I used to be depressed,
so trust me you’re fine.”
Suicidal thoughts,
and remorse intertwine.

“Just call me up,
I’m here whenever you need.”
I called three times today,
and sent texts you didn’t read.

“Don’t do something stupid,
because it would crush everyone.”
Thing is I don’t want to,
but this weight feels like a ton.

I’ve said all these things,
to people before.
I didn’t understand depression,
or drowning on the shore.

It’s losing the light,
that others can see,
and drowning in darkness,
and you cannot get free.

It’s anxiety and shame,
of being a burden.
It’s struggling to breathe,
but that next breath’s not certain.

You cry out for help,
for what you don’t understand,
and you sink ever deeper,
in depressions quicksand.

I’m sorry for everything,
for becoming this way.
just know you’ll never fix me,
with words that you say.

I’ll stick around,
for as long as I can.
Know I’m trying my best,
to find the light again.

sitting
in my room,
phone in hand,
thoughts
all over
the *******
place

typing
then clicking
the go
button
to put out
whatever
is in my mind
at this
very moment
to the world

what the hell
it'll be
better
(i guess)
when i finally
get
some sleep

the people who should protect her
stare into her exhausted eyes 
and hammer nails into her heart.
chains bearing obligation and trauma
coil tighter and tighter around her ankles. 
resisting worsens the sensation -
almost cutting off the circulation
until the pain is so great 
that numbness takes over,
which leads to not resisting,
which feels like resignation - 
and the cycle keeps going.
all she wants is to run freely 
until the nails and chains
are distant memories 
that she will never
pass on to anyone else.

I have so much to do
yet so little time
not a penny to spend
but there's so much I need to buy
not a dollar in my pocket
and my gas light's on
I need more money
but I work, a minimum wage job
I'm behind in my online class
and can't seem to get it done
I told my mom I've submitted more assignments
when I've only half-completed some
I just failed government
a course I'm required to pass
I might not get to graduate
when all I want to do, is leave high school in the past
I just want to be happy
but lately, even breathing is hard
I need a drink and joint
and I'm still too young for the bar
the stress is like cancer
slowly taking my life away
these days, I don't even sleep
because the anxiety keeps me awake

There's this weight I carry
It's heavy and exhausting
It's beautiful, and quite daring

It yanks me down more times than I can count
Squeezes, punches, and pushes every last nerve
But it's perfect on every account

It's the hardest, most difficult weight I've ever carried
Full of kicks and screams and fits
But it's something I refuse to burry

I could walk away and live a different life
I could be weightless and free
But this weight is worth more than my own life

So I will pull it up over ranges of mountains
I will piggy back it over every raging sea
And if anyone tries to harm it, I would **** thousands

It's the most precious cargo I could ever own
It's the only I can ever have
So I choose to carry it and to never be alone

For its weight brings me great joy
And the warmth is overwhelming
So I hold tight and hold strong and enjoy

For the terrain will mellow down
And it will not always be this heavy
So this weight I hold with love, and in it I drowne.