I got it
I finally understand
it was never you that I wanted
but instead
the drama that you presented
some would even call it a plot conflict
You see, I'm a writer
I see the world through different eyes
eyes that sometimes aren't mine
so sometimes
my mind is taken over
and my thoughts, they stray

I'm a hopeless romantic
but that doesn't equate
I've never before been so afraid
of my own self
of the words that could come out
because I understand,
and now I have to learn to separate
the who I am from the who I create
it's exhausting being me every single day
the fantasies pop up and leave me dismayed
always in a sour mood, unsure of who I am
of the choices I've made

a line has been drawn and I'm sticking too it
I know that these thoughts aren't me, but lighter fluid
and it's me that holds the power
the lighter only a tool
passion is fire
my inspiration is crude

There lies a black line
Drawn through this self-hated name
And a mocking smile on the walls
**WHEN I STRUGGLE, ALL IN VAIN

inexplicably drawn to you
after drowning in your eyes

i dont think that 'i love him',
but i feel drawn to his essence
my soul feels it, down to the core
he means something,
maybe not just yet
we fooled around awhile ago,
but it stopped
and now?
i lust,
and i feel
not 'love'
but drawn