“Try to be happy,
You shouldn’t be sad.”
Don’t you think I know that?
It’s what drives me mad.
“Just stop thinking about it,
and let go of the past.”
It all seems so simple,
but I can’t make it last.
“It’s mind over matter,
just think positive.”
Like I’m in control,
of my thought narrative.
“I used to be depressed,
so trust me you’re fine.”
Suicidal thoughts,
and remorse intertwine.
“Just call me up,
I’m here whenever you need.”
I called three times today,
and sent texts you didn’t read.
“Don’t do something stupid,
because it would crush everyone.”
Thing is I don’t want to,
but this weight feels like a ton.
I’ve said all these things,
to people before.
I didn’t understand depression,
or drowning on the shore.
It’s losing the light,
that others can see,
and drowning in darkness,
and you cannot get free.
It’s anxiety and shame,
of being a burden.
It’s struggling to breathe,
but that next breath’s not certain.
You cry out for help,
for what you don’t understand,
and you sink ever deeper,
in depressions quicksand.
I’m sorry for everything,
for becoming this way.
just know you’ll never fix me,
with words that you say.
I’ll stick around,
for as long as I can.
Know I’m trying my best,
to find the light again.
