In a glass room
at the top of a mountain
I learned how to speak.
At 10,000 feet
I learned the shape of words
and how they can sound
so much like wind
persisting, wailing against
the impossible odds
of sturdy, dismissive construction.
If this is not a home,
then what is it?
A shrine atop this mountain?
An offering to the gods of
sunrise, sunset, thunderstorm,
and man-made radio equipment?
Man-made fire?
There are certainly plenty
who climb to worship at its feet.
Surely nothing, save from
the mountain itself,
could send this glass room
tumbling down the path
I just walked to reach it.

I whisper your name
Alone in my room
To feel something, sense something
Where my mind won’t let me

I grip hard at my covers
And dig my nails into my skin
To force my eyes open
See who squats under my flesh

The wind makes it hard to see
I rub violently
To make the mirror less foggy
My eyes are raw

But somewhere I can hear drums
When I stick my tongue out
To taste the rain
It’s briny

Beyond the rolling hills,
A shy horizon awaits coloured in a savoury Himalayan pink
And you stand on the peak of a mountain
Practicing your introduction for when you meet destiny for the first time
The hairs on the back of your neck rise
Whenever you find yourself thinking about time
And memories fly around you, drawing their reflections into the irises of your eyes
Hand in hand with tomorrow you walk towards a new sky
A single cloud hovers over you, bringing with it a rainfall
To nurture the seeds of dreams you have yet to meet
And soon enough you’re gone as you fade into the haze,
running towards a melancholic cry with the future by your side
To meet destiny at the horizon line

The black swan smoldering in deep shade
vanishes in the sunset pond
sticking the discovery beauty spot
on the face of the moon!

Not lost in sleep
ascended to a dream
a secret none other have seen
if that doesn't tell the dream
who can interpret?

How the world will end?
First tell how did it begin?

What's true forever
is never a sudden discovery
rolls out in trajectory!

I liked the way sounds jumped into place

Gained their own pace

Made a poetry space

All their own

An exclusive zone

Where words, like flocks of birds

Made patterns in the sky

I used to wonder why

They only danced for me

And nobody could see

I’m exhausted from keeping up with the person I am trying to be
Hiding my true self from all my friends and family
I just want to be understood
But at the same time I’m scared
What if I show myself and people don’t care
I don’t want any more people to leave me
I just need some more stability
I know they say family is here no matter what
I can’t help feeling like there’s a but
What if I suddenly be myself
And end up scaring off everyone else
Will they say I’m just being fake
Or will they accept me and we’ll embrace
I just want someone to understand
I don’t want to keep up with this person I’ve been living as
It’s hard to let go of my insecurities
And telling myself I should try and be free

Free to Love
Where do I to start, in March 2019 I started a journey.
I wanted to be open to what life had to offer.
I wanted to be healthy.
But the biggest change I wanted to make was to be authentic.
I wanted to speak my truth I wanted to be known for myself.
Not as a wife, mother, teacher, counselor all around fix it women.
Although I am those things I’m so much more.

I’ve spent so much time trying to be what everyone needed,
I’d lost myself.
So, I set out to find me……I never expected to find love.
I’ve found true love the kind that won’t break your heart.
The kind that is not dependent others,
I’ve   learned   to   love   myself.
I have spent my life tapping that feeling down, fearing it was unattainable, unsustainable, unrealistic, unreasonable and disappointing.

I learned at a young age love is painful.
So, to avoid pain I closed and locked that door.
The only love I embraced was the love for my children.
Falling in love with me has opened a whole new world.
I feel as if I’ve been set free.
Free to write, to be brave, to be emotional, to be spiritual, to explore. Free to experience the world.  Free to embrace my wild.

But the freedom I hold closest to my heart is the freedom to love.
Not just myself, but others.
For the first time I’m truly open to love.
That wild, amazing, magical, wonderous, awe inspiring, feeling of love.
I can honestly look at myself and say well done.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.