If I could
Pull my clockwork heart out
From my chest and point
To every gear that refuses to tick

If I could
I would dismantle it in front of you
To show you where
And why it gave out

If I could
I would show you the gear
Unattached to any other
Spining desperately
Because it doesn't know
It's spinning along and for nothing

If I could
I would tell you I think
That I didn't know
That clockwork was so delicate
I think I have clumsy hands
And I broke a few parts
Trying to fix it

If I could
I would give you the windup key
To stab me in the back and twist it
Hoping for something to click into place

But I can't.
I gunked up the keyhole
Hope and fear don't mix well
Like chewing gum they stick
And mix until they're both brown

I can't
Reach that little gear
Spinning so relentlessly

I can't oil it
And stop it from screaming
Screeching so loudly
At all the other gears around it
That won't turn no matter how fast it goes

I can't
Turn each gear by hand
I've tried
No one warned me
That clockwork hearts are warm
And bruise so easily

If I could
I would take up my clockwork heart
In my clumsy callous hands
Feeling it's hummingbird wing beats
Struggling in Morse code
Begging and pleading
To be held gently

If I could
I think maybe I would grip it
Feel it sputter and struggle
Like every time before
Just for clockwork gears
To grind together
To spark for all the wrong reasons

If I could
I would squeeze just a bit more
Until the last spinning gear halted
I would sob as I crushed it
Because it's already bruised and sore

If I could
I would be gental and lay it down
Let it hummingbird wings beat
And see that it's a cog in a dying machine

If I could
I would let it go cold
Numb it so the bruises stop hurting
I would put it to rest for pities sake

If I could
I would be soft with it
But I have clumsy callous hands
And cruelty will have to do
I would dare to call it mercy
If it would justify my tears

every drop i bleed
is another chance of life gone
every passing month
a sober reminder
of a clock that won't stop ticking
tick. tick. tick.
desperate hands
on a hollow womb
every drop i bleed
makes it harder for me
to meet you

My footfalls, they
Were the could-care-less slaps
Of a housewife’s plastic slippers
Upon her unyielding hardwood floors
When she unwillingly gets up from the sofa
To open the door
For her ugly husband.

Just one day will do
A second or two
So i see this through
I want to relive all moments
Smile at the beautiful
Cry over the ugly
Can you feel my hurt too?
I just need to know the truth
You stole my heart
Yet i had no clue

Is it weird that i want this
Is it silly that I'm crying all over again
You of all people were an Angel
Why the sudden change
Its crazy on this new path
Can't seem to find my way
Like strangers in outer space

Could we hit the reset button
I want to start out fresh
Listen to what my heart says
Its tone's sharper than a new blade

I love you beyond the life I lead
beyond daydreams I had as a child
beyond this cage of bone
and the words I pray
I love you beyond

Beyond the earth which houses my body
Beyond the demons of desperation
Beyond belief and believing
beyond the sands of time
I love you beyond

Beyond hands which desire your touch
Beyond the music which sings out
Beyond my eyes which gaze
beyond all my doubts
I love you beyond

In the blackest hope I will find you
and I grasp your hand
Sit with you and make you understand
I love you beyond.

I could never count stars
  as they were always shooting
point-blank at my forehead...

Hollow point dream killers,
   my eyes open pools of despair..

                       The night shone,
within the white pools,
   non-reflective reproductions of

desperation..

Every sheep that jumped over
that
       hedge...


Face hugging the granite of my
                dried up lake of sweet dreams..

I'm still awake....