The high seeps into my bones
trickling slowly, inward, and deeply
as if my body has turned to liquid
I float

i float past the anger i felt during work today
the desperation to be anywhere but there
i pass the happiness i felt in my car with a smoothie bowl
jamming to my music feeling optimistic for once
then i see it,
the despair, the guilt, the ugly
the moments growl at me
they are so wrapped in their own misery to never see the light
they deserve to stay here

the place i can float away from
where they only haunt me when I'm trying to escape from solitude

I think of myself from 5 years ago
would struggle to recognize me
he'd say "what the hell happened?"
and I would have no answer

in truth, I have no answer
for all my shortcomings
when I was a kid,
people called me brave

people listened to me
I was sure of every single thing
I sought out to do, every little step
was calculated, as if I knew what I was doing

I was once a bright child
maybe the tallest beacon in my family
my grandpa and grandma sure thought so
and my mom and dad didn't seem to mind the idea

what the hell am I now?
who is that person in the mirror?
I fret over these questions in my head
but found no answer

who am I now?
not even God can say...

Today, I dared to set my foot upon the world's stage.
And the sunlight rushed forth, blinding my sight in boundless radiance.
A strange sight unfolded before me, a world bathed in a ghostly, whitish hue.
Oh, how my eyes endured the agonizing throes of reality;
Their gaze so deeply enamoured by the allure of darkness,
Wept for the embrace of comforting shadows.
My skin burned with an unearthly fervour,
As if I had been whisked away to the fiery depths of infernal hell.
I retraced my steps in haste, falling into the arms of a formidable beast,
Enshrouded boldly in his wily grin of triumph,
As though his feast had willingly surrendered itself to his grasp.
I had always been destined to be ensnared within the web of hopelessness,
Like a fragile moth drawn inexorably to the relentless flame of its existence.
For this monstrous entity has divested me of strength, cradling me through endless day and night,
While feasting upon my very soul beneath the soothing veil of shadows.
I dwelt in such delusion, losing sight of the truth that the sun has long forsaken my sky.
Must I wait for this fear to gobble me up and let me vanish into the oblivion?
Or dare once more to descend into the radiant expanse of the unfamiliar,
Where the light of hope may still be flickering, beckoning for my return?

I dare not to unveil the sins to the world that are buried deep within me.
Standing beneath the falling leaves, I often ask myself: Who, in truth, am I?
On certain days, I discover strange solace within my intricate illusions,
Where I wield the spectre’s blade, tormenting those who’ve wounded my soul.
An eerie smile dances upon my visage as I behold their blood upon my hands.
Fear constricts my very bones as the darkness within me stretches far and wide,
Whilst I am still oblivious to the hour and place where it will finally end.
Sanity bade me its final goodbye when I bled and was abandoned to a merciless death.
My world is now confined to black and white, for all the colours have washed out of my eyes.
To the heavens, I beseech for freedom’s grace,
Yet, how can I trade my soul for such release, when its essence holds no worth?
There was a time when I stood as a valiant warrior, bold and proud.
But now, I fear, I have taken on the character of a villain within my own tale.
My innocence is now shrouded in the murky attire of vengeance and jealousy.
The colour of my heart has darkened and is now a shade of midnight,
I can witness monstrous entities breaching the gates of my world,
So with their sinister alliance, I am sculpting my world into my own private hell.