I can't decide if
I want to fall asleep or
gently pass away

11:16 PM
16/8/20

I am not
for everyone.
I am not
for this life.
I am not even for myself
on most days.

The warmth wind that rushes past my skin
The faint smell of rain that clouds the air
Bringing back tumbling rolls of emotion that had once been
The wind chimes that clank each other in the distance somewhere

The sky above carefully trickles water
Almost as if the sea of blue was crying
Blue, maybe it was sad and couldn’t be stronger
Or strong enough to keep on trying

Trying to withhold all of the awful memories
That been stored in its clouds, slowing turning into a summer storm
when the summer heat had clawed open the treachery
The trickle of the rain had become a pouring storm

Soaking every bit of happiness with the sadness in its heart
Everyday people would point at the world above them and admire
The beauty it was, but they could never tell that it was being torn apart
Yes it was beautiful but it was a beautiful disaster, engulfed in the fire

That had been lit by the “treasure” it held inside
The treasure that was poisoned and gold
There had once been jewels but they had all died
The moment somebody had told

There secret to the world, the secret that would only let them be free
Once the water had make contact with my glistening skin
It was soon dulled and all the familiar senses filled me
The water had grabbed a hold of my mind and pulled it a little too thin

Leaving only the harmful metal
Soon turning into rust
The brown colors matching the dirt and pebbles
The metal rotting away only reminding me of the past

The treacherous moments that had caused the storm in the first place
The person in these horrible memories had been drowned in the roaring waters
Like an assassin killing all the joy in my life without a single trace
It had been a ******, a slaughter

The clouds could only continue to let out strangled noises
The lighting flashing like cries for help
Only after their whimpers can they share their voices
The ground below them turning into a sea
A dark scary ocean that shares the same color as the sky
Sadness has overcome both of them leaving nothing to be
Except for those who had learned to fly

They soar across the sky
Dodging the poisonous water hearing the calls
The only question on their mind being why

Why had nobody heard their desperate callings
Why was the downpour happening

The only thing they hoped for was a rainbow in the morning
The calm after the damaging

Where does it end?
Where does it begin?
Is there a start at all?
Or has it just always been?

The cycle starts again.

Feels like I’ve been in this place before,
On the ground crawling on all fours.
Another lap around this body,
Swallowing the serpents tail.
It hisses just behind me,
Covering every track I make,
When my eyes turn to see the trail,
It’ll be consumed by the snake.

My own ouroboros.

Muscles expand and contract,
Pulling me further in.
I feel myself dissolving,
The future is the past again.

**** the lights,
Take my eyes,
I don’t want to see,
The repeat of me.

My own ouroboros.

Zombie girl,

Do you weep,
For those you ****?
Do you feel cold,
Without your second soul?

Zombie girl,

Skeleton’s always smile.
Your skin’s getting colder,
Like a winter in your summer.

Zombie girl,

You’re an open casket,
Something warm died inside it.

Zombie girl,

Hang it up in your closet.
Don’t forget to close it.


Skeleton,
In the house of the living.
It’s like being alive,
But never being able to die.

Dissection,
On the surgeon’s table.
Gave its soul to death,
And she said her first goodbye.

She opened up,
The bee and the flower bud.
Carnivore,
She slammed her petals shut.

Why does it matter to you?
It belongs to me.
I stole its air,
That makes it free.

Hung it from an umbilical cord,
Tied under a broken crescent moon.
A stranger wore your skin,
Now they’re buried inside a human coffin.

She sung along to carols of the needle man.
Stillborn chorus of the cold dead thing in her hand.

She felt it die.
I heard the crocodile cry.
When she gave her first goodbye.

This is not the life
I had in mind and I am
sick of pretending

10:53 PM
22/7/20

Buddies since birth.
Supposed to be the star of the north.
My playmate, my entertainer, my protector.
Like a human lie detector.
The same one face.
The other hard to trace.
Your evil on the rise.
Visible through your nasty eyes.
Your hands all over me.
Push and pull me in like a sea.
Cutting deep into my soul.
Gave me another set of secrets to hold.
All that you should have been was an illusion.
I regret calling you my cousin.

Chasing the night,
again.
Hoping for the one
to help me forget
about the
pain.

Life is a delusion of meaning,
We seek direction without seeing.
Death is deceived as the end,
For none accept it is meant.
The people will forever live a lie,
We're not meant to live, but die.

Infinite possibilities of history,
But one day it won't be me.
Ineffable beauty we all desire,
Nefarious cruelty we all will acquire.

The only greatness we will find,
Is that destiny is very unkind.
Cupid is ****** and love's a lie,
Another arrow, and I will die.

Let me feel love again,
To leave this world in pain.
I'm not a poet anymore,
But maybe I never were.

The words here, I have said,
Are the memories I have bled.
Heal me, but never take my scars,
Feel me, for I'll be amongst the stars.
For death is darkness right?
In space, there is no ligh.
Forever, I'll float into the abyss,
And maybe find something to miss.

Do you find yourself
staring into the abyss when
there is no more light
left to be found?
We are only human-
were we ever meant to
know such dread?