Dear [Redacted],

          It's been about four months. I'm proud and sad to say I still think about you every day. You are still my first thought when the sun's morning rays awaken this slumbering fool. You are still my last thought before I escape into my consciousness at night. And If I could remember my dreams, I could remember my dreams instead of the darkness that envelops them, I would bet that you were in every single last one of them.

         Four months of you not being in my life and you're still my muse. The reason my endless thoughts don't end with just tears on a page, but with words to express myself deeply. I still remember the feeling I got when I looked deeply into your eyes. My soul remembers the joy it felt when I heard your name. [Redacted], I thought of that name all day, just so I can listen to it all night. The reason I slept peacefully, the reason I woke with joy. [Redacted].

        Four months without you.....I gotta keep going. Although my heart pounds for you like the day we spent our first date, being nervous wrecks, still working but oddly satisfying. I must keep going without you. I still unfortunately love you [Redacted]. But now I must go.

~ Still with love, "An Unfortunate College Love Writer"

dear anxiety, when will you leave me?
all my thoughts have gone wary
even my vision's kinda blurry
hear me out and save me hurry

dear anxiety, why are you here?
creeping me out so sheer
you won't get another tear
is anyone ever near?

dear anxiety, what do you want?
still in my dreams you do your haunt
tell it to me and i shall grant
even so, no one hears my rant

dear anxiety, who must i call?
though in the end it's me who will fall
surely you have taken its toll
when will they see it all?

dear anxiety, how are you?
so good at keeping me blue
remind me that this reality is true
those who see it are only few

the time
i had
with you
was nothing
but luck..
time was
always
a little bit
blunt
maybe too
blunt.
but
oh dear
i'm sorry
i had to
leave
oh-so soon..
too soon.
and
i know
the time
we shared
was oh-so
short.
but
even so
you got to
admit
it was fun..
yeah
oh-so fun.

Just when I think I left the past behind,
My demons finally caught up to me.

Self-destructive tendencies,
Manic, mental, inability
To overcome this disease that plagues me.

It's cyclical,
It's haunting,
And it's exhausting.

I want to feel whole again.
I want to be happy.
I want to feel okay again.

I don't want to head down this road once more.

It seems I'm following a self-fulfilling prophecy,
Because all I seem to do is crave a substance,
That I know will only bring temporary happiness.

Dear Diary, I'm here to say,
I'm back once again, my thoughts in disarray.

I promise I'm trying.

I'm trying to overcome this years-long battle.

Dear Diary, I have to be honest with myself,
And honest with others,
Otherwise, what's to say I am trying to get better?

This writing is a testament, a statement,
A promise.

Dear Diary, this will be my last letter.