Loving you was like diving head first in the deep end of the swimming pool.
I did not know how to swim.

And you watched me
As I inhaled water while searching for air,
As my limbs tried to transform into paddles,
As my voice drowned in the waves that I created.

You slowly moved towards the shallow end
And somehow I followed you.

I am still choking on the water I swallowed,
But I know how not to drown.

I loved You so much,
You would never imagine
What it felt for my Heart
to give You up - It’s still crashing;

I remember and I drown
in your dark eyes
’cause I found
I Still love You, my Dear -

What remains
can’t disappear.

I used to write poems about you
while waiting for you to come back.
So I can show you how I felt.

Now I write poems on paper
So they can stack up and form a wall
That you no longer have the power to destroy.

When you finally show up I will not be able to see you anymore.

Beyond words
beyond feelings
beyond music
beyond, you.

Soaking into words
seemed sillier than plunging into water
the lake in the twinkling moonlight.

Beyond words
that I could imagine
the artistry in your eyes
to tell you
how wonderful
the flowers
the lush pastures
the wild greenflies
of the forest.

Beyond feelings
the untouchable kisses
of the moonlight
beaming into the pond
How spectacular?
To look at the wet lilies
lying there it found its tranquility.

Beyond music
the harmony of the crickets
the birds' songs moaning
into the midnight
finding some nests
to have rest
beauty isn't the perfect phrase
that drives it sufficiency
to understand its hymns.

Beyond you
peering at the dear sky
the blueness of your existence
makes it heavier
to lose the sight
of the awe-struck
lips that I couldn't pick up
what you were telling.

My heart-beat echoing yours
it was beyond paint
beyond melodies
of how I wish to define the place
the feelings,
the sonnets,
and you.

what the ****, oh golly, oh dear
I’m really not, sarcastic here
the world is crazy and I am a-feard
the man in charge needs to be commandeered
he has no sense, common or other
what should we do, let’s go ask our mother
she’ll probably tell us to stay inside
let’s do what she says, let's have a safe ride
it’s really not hard to stay away from the threat
keep six feet away and don't play roulette....

Brian Hill - 2020 # 84

i hate
to see
someone dear
to me
hurting

because i know
that i can't
do anything
to make it
better

the only thing
i can try
is to be
there to listen

Darling dearest,
Never enough.
Not very fearless,
Not very tough.

Scared to leap,
Scared to step.
Afraid to leak
A secret she's kept.

Timid and shy,
Tiptoeing in the dark.
Searching low and high,
For a little spark.

But darling dearest wasn't brave.
Darling dearest never gave.
She had nothing, no nothing at all.
And she never moved, afraid to fall.

Oh, darling dearest never tried.
Darling dearest never cried.
Darling dearest would always hide.
And because of this, darling dearest... she died.

Happy birthday, my dear.
I'd give you the world if I could.
I'd place it in your little hands, the world small and grand,
But you'd drop it, I know you would.

I wish you a happy birthday, my dear.
I'd hold you in my arms if I could.
I'd hug you tight, tell you everything's alright,
But lying to a child is no good.