I went on a date today.
this isn’t going to be a poem
about how I found true love,
or how I met someone and
suddenly my problems all disappeared.

none of that happened.
this isn’t some fairytale and
I won’t sugarcoat my words.
I’m still hurting. I’m still furious
and confused and so, so tired.
these past few months
have not been pretty.
there is no way to
romanticize this pain,
and there is no reason to.

these past few months have been
breakup ***, followed by regret,
and then a rush of hope.
they have been relearning life
and drinking far too much,
blackouts and breakdowns
and *****.

I am healing, and that takes time.
I’m still emotional.

but I went on a date today.
it’s not a remedy for
magically forgetting. I didn’t forget.
it didn’t bring me total closure.

but I laughed today.
I listened today.
I was listened to today.
I talked about myself and my interests,
and my trauma wasn’t a
topic of discussion for the
first time in a very long time.
it was refreshing.

I went on a date today.
this isn’t something that
would be front-page news.
there wasn’t some
earth-shattering, incredible moment.
my life has not changed.

but today I had fun.
I felt relaxed and worry-free

and for the first time
in a very long time,
I went to bed
reflecting on my day
and not about all of
the days I spent
with you.

I’ll be your Dracula,
You know all I’ll need is your heart.
You be the wicked witch,
All you will need is a hooked nose,
‘Cause you already cast your spell on me!

We sat there in silence,
side by side,
hand in hand,
letting the crimson sunset
pour out its last waves of light.
Let it cleanse us of our
misery and hardship.
Tonight is about us, dear,
nothing else is real-
let time stand still.

the better part of last-minute
and i spend it staring at your lips;
the poems spill out of your mouth
and stain my hand-me-down rug;
as if our brokenness is compatible,
my masochism needs company
and you are eager to disappoint.
the tongues and whispers of secrets
in a cyclical nature; i have been here before.
the familiarity the fear the focus:
the fallacy of finding love in an empty heart.

lover thy,
don't know what to do
or say,
im just happy around you

Kinetic energy
Without equilibrium

A fixed star
Collapsing in on itself

There she stares unblinked
At stellar remnants

Sprawled face up
In the dry aqueduct

Holding her breath
He won't return

Kindest boy with a library that
reached the ceiling and
the same personality as
my best friend, they would talk about
movies in the middle of the street at
three a.m.
Everyone wanted us
to end up together but
it would never work out
in the end.
Moody boy with dark circles
that rimmed his eyes, always
wanted to talk about romance.
He looked at me with the softest eyes
but couldn't hold a conversation to
saves his life.
I don't know why but
I always think about him
when I'm feeling bright and
blue.
- dates at seventeen.