I am
deliberately
destroying our family.

They say a wise woman
builds her home—
I am removing every brick
we so carefully
stacked.

But do not blame
my wisdom,
or the lack of it.

If only I could show you
all the possible endings
of our story—
the ones I’ve built and rebuilt
in my mind and heart—
and still
it would not be enough
for you to forgive me,
for me to forgive myself,
for the shame
of becoming
a beggar
pleading for life.

Jesus, son of David—
have mercy on me.

I love you like the breeze that touches my skin
I love you that I found my hand supporting my chin
I love you that I had to ask myself when did it all begin
I love you that I dance in the hallway when I see you and spin

And I wonder how we never got the chance to talk even if the barrier between us is so thin
I love you that I feel my heart and my brain fighting everyday, wondering who would win

I had my eyes on you from the very first day, like a long-lost twin
I love you like the branch that breaks in the wind,
I love you like a relaxed morning yawn,
I love you like the fresh air I breathe when I go out in the morning just after dawn,
Like the warmth of first light stretching across the lawn

But is this love, or just a dream I’ve drawn?
I don’t even know you, why am I so drawn?
Is it because you are someone to look upon?
Was it really your soul, or just the way the light falls upon your skin, golden like autumn’s fawn

Are you really worth this heaviness or did my mind make you adorn
But does it even matter if you will be gone?
And leave my heart confused and torn
I taste a glimpse of this feeling everytime I don’t sense your presence, and it’s not something I’d like to live upon

What am I even going to mourn?
Memories that never had the chance to be born?
And yet I am still feeling forlorn
Carrying a love that was never worn

I love you like an innocent laugh of a newborn,
I love you like silk on bare skin, newly worn
I love you like a pure heart we have when we are young,
I love you like a trust that keeps you strong,
Like the gentle hum of my favorite song
Like the kind of love that waits so long

I love you even when I know to whom you may belong
I love you even when it all felt so wrong
I love you so much I turned a blind eye on your flaws all along
And I’d love you still, even if you returned to me timeworn

in between downward dogs,
my phone buzzes —
again.
and again.

for fifteen whole minutes,
i leave you unread.

you’re drunk, smitten,
with someone i know,
someone you spotted
at a gig.

you send a live-feed
of your spiralling heart,
ask what to say,
if the moment does come.

i tell you to try.
say hi for me.
talk about music,
the crowd, the energy,
the way the incandescence,
blurry but kind,
makes them look soft
in that lavender light.

and you do.
of course you do.
you take a leap of faith,
while i sit here
in silence,
finding a hundred ways
to rehearse what my heart would
but my mouth will never say.

people leave me
like wind leaves the gate.
pushed open, unlatched.
shapes altering to blur
as i watch them
dissolve in the distance.

i wish to crown myself
the ice queen i once was—
safe, untouchable,
heart locked behind glass.

then the silence wouldn’t bite.
and i wouldn’t lie awake—
wondering why the hell
their world moved on,
and why mine stayed.

It was a short and bright love-story.
I’d fit it easily in simple couple lines.
It was complete: the waterfall and whirlblast,
The soulful look, and sighs just days and nights.

But it’s all gone, or it was never happened,
Those love confessions, tremblingly for good.
The flowers wilted and rhetoric fully vanished
The very moment, when the dawn became selfhood.

I bear all in mind: that dawn and bench.
You stroked my hand and you were flatly silent.
I understood it whole. And bade you farewell.
And you went out without a word. You didn’t keep in mind.

The story ended on that sandy beach,
In that soft breeze and in those silken waves.
And now there’re only melancholic memories,
The hollow promises and sea taste on my lips.

My Lord,
pluck out my eyes
for now I see.
Listen,
I have sinned.
I loved the lie
and spat upon the truth.
She came
beautiful,
a marvel of flesh and voice,
and sang,
"I am the devil."
And I,
a fool,
did not believe.
Now I love the sinner.
Now I hate the good.
Now I worship power.
Now I bow to injustice.
She was the devil
or her shadow.
Evil, with a honeyed tongue,
converted me
into a rewound soul,
a God-hating ghost
wearing the rags of flesh.
O God
bless me with Your power
and
**** me
now.

𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘢 𝘣𝘪𝘳𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘤𝘢𝘨𝘦,
𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳.
𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘭𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘶𝘯,
𝘔𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘥.
𝘉𝘦𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘳𝘰𝘯 𝘣𝘢𝘳𝘴,
𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘪𝘳𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘥 𝘢 𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘰𝘮
𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘥.
𝘢𝘴 𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘢𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴,
𝘒𝘦𝘱𝘵 𝘢𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦
𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘴𝘧𝘪𝘦𝘥.
𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘭𝘦𝘸 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘥.
𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨,
𝘍𝘰𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘩,
𝘑𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘶𝘴 —
𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳...

Nobody warned me
about the sound of skeleton laughter,
ribcages shaking like bells,
airless chuckles cracking the hot night,
slipping through the closet slats
into my skull.

It was fine with just Meg:
supermodel cheekbones,
a jaw that could steal my name.
We shared the closet,
my jackets brushing her collarbone.
"your flesh prison
can't wear that many anyway."

Then came her sister,
then another,
until nine of them
rattled teacups at 2 A.M.,
dripping through the floorboards.
My shirts fled to the hall.
I dream of thunder
that silences their bones.

They call it a ****** of crows -
but what waits in the dark,
rattling its teeth
for the last of you,
is a plague of skeletons.