Fingers through grass,
Green.
Stained against flesh,
Guilty.
The water will never
wash away your crimes.
Rip it from the earth,
dirt against skin,
Brown,
Mud,
Crusting.
The water will never
wash away the sin,
Forever marked
against your
Pale
Plaster
Skin.

There are different kinds
All the same
All different
Different sizes and colors
They make up parts of life

Soap bubbles
Cleaning, scrubbing
Washing dirt, grit
And all the bad
Away
Reflecting you
Your surroundings
In different colors
Different views

Word bubbles
Floating up from the heart
Trying to escape
Only a few make it
The rest
Broken inside
Choking you
Restricting you
Making you regret
Not opening your mouth
To let them out

The best kind of bubbles
Bubbles of laughter
Bubbles of joy
Bouncing out of your mouth
Tickling you until you let them out
The fun bubbles
That make that joy
Drawing the wand
Blowing the joy
Into the bubbles
Until they are ready
To go
And spread joy of their own

Bubbles reflect
Joy and sadness
The two polar opposites
That compliment each other
Completely
You cannot have one
Without the other
Sometimes the bubbles of joy
Will pop
Explode in your face
But you can take out your wand
And start all over again

I will drag my knife along your skin,
sharp blade down into your fragile, shaking canvas,
incising an increasing beat of whimpers and whines.
Please hold still. I promise this will hurt.

I will expose your clattering bones,
rip out your chattering teeth,
erase every impugned utterance
you muttered against me.
I will carve my letters slowly
on your unzipped frame,
sliding the burgundy blood across to
blot
       clot
              dot.    

This is only preparation for what is about to follow.

I will puncture your throbbing organs,
slash your stretched cartilage
with an unwritten script.
Before I press further,
I’ll assure you, you are still alive.

I will twist each phrase,
haunt you to believe it is your fault,
force you to beg the slightest escape.
I will permanently etch my name
deep in the frozen chambers
of your quivering heart.

I will open up the blueprint as a demolition expert,
remove whole fractions of your fractured soul,
leave you a horrid wreck in the abyss
of a mess you just made.

You will not get rid of me,
though no trace of evidence is left behind.

My hands have been clean from the start.

Of all the times to be alive,
why did it have to be now?

That first inhale the quick sensation
feeling like I've had 10 cups of coffee
it was a great feeling
once upon a time
and now it's been one week
one week without that thrilling Rush
and I'm still here, not insane
not missing that high at all
our first hello
messages sent night and day
that first hug next a kiss
A one month wait for our first time together
the long cuddles with South Park on TV
The Giggles & deep talks
as the clock change to 4 a.m.
playing that we're asleep as the sun rises one week without any of that
I feel like I'm falling apart
love real or fake it
was the best feeling
That's what I'm missing most
the, maybe, false love
but I'm missing those from you
You're the one I miss most
That's what making me insane
Being Sober is fine
not having seeing or talking to you
that's made me lose my mind

Sometimes, when I'm in the shower,
Ill recollect on how many lips I've kissed.
Staring at the tiles in front of me,
I'll let the steam and hot water pour over
and into me.

I don't know how
To tell you why
The days move slow
And so do I
Drawn out in your parlor
I am drunk off a memory
I am drink off the thought of putting my fist straight through your head
I can't forget any word of what you said
Honest open I showed you my world and you promised
You promised
But I'm the one you wanted to fill the void no I'm not the one you needed
I was your toy
And the date is set
The bed is made
Your heart is set
And I shouldn't have stayed this long
I'm just too busy picturing a 1000 forms of revenge
While you're too busy talking about the lines of your new dress
Spinning twirling the focus of the party
You talk over me and I sit complacently ready to tear you apart
You took root in my heart and walked away time after time after time
But the difference is that I'm big enough to recognize what fault is mine
So I'm seasick listening to the harrowing details of your relationship with god
All your devoted disciples sit at your feet so isn't it odd that
My fingernails are digging into the inside of my palms
Isnt it strange that
I'm acting like something is wrong
But as you continue to spit **** to all our mutual friends at somebody else's birthday party
I've decided that I will let you have no part of me
And so it's 2am and I'm coming clean in your doorway
I'm a mess of track marks and contraditctions but all I can say is
You're not my fix
No you're not my fix anymore
You're not my fix
I'm not your girl anymore
The date is set but I'm not coming around
No I'm not coming around anymore.

Dont dance with me my sweet heart
Liqour pulses in my veins
Dont dance with me my sweetheart
Youll find the steps a pain
Ive cradled my waltz.
Into a foxtrot filled with faults
And lined up my dancing soldiers.
To march  like lightning bolts
I tuned every broken instrement
And muddied the clean floor.
Now i skip through mine feilds.
Never fear about the gore,
The path i dance is a riddle itself
One that can be answered by nobody else
I find the longer i dance to my solem tune
The longer i despise myself

Oh no, what's that?!
It comes and goes and then comes right back.
The tension it builds as I stand guard aiming my shields.
But wait they're gone!
Oh ****, something's wrong!
I'm searching as it continues lurking.
I'm open, I'm game,
When did it all change?!
Oh yea, that's right it came with new life.
It's now how I live.
I guess I'm just scared.
It's new, it's real....
I guess I'll just FEEL!