You might have been
considered chaotic,
but in my eyes, you
were the order that
I yearned to have
reinstated in my life.

Dear diary;
there's a musical riot
erupting in my
chest tonight.
My ribs echo
with the sounds of
chaos and harmony.

I want someone to come and save me.
I wish for someone to come and save me from myself.
I hope that someone comes and saves me. I hope.

Cause I’m my self’s worst enemy.
Cause I can be my own nemesis.
But not my own savior. Not that. That I cannot be.

I cannot be Him. I don’t believe. Don’t know how to.
To be honest I never learned how to do so.
Faith. That’s what’s been missing from my life all along.

Intellectual by nature. A child of science. A lazy philosopher chatting mindlessly endlessly about anything.
A mixture of perverse logic coupled with an over-the-fence sexuality.
That’s who I am. That IS my history. An animal of society. Someone out of control.

Some nights, I lay here waiting God to take my soul as I drift to sleep.
And others I make a mess out of myself and of others through my outrageous behavior.
Never being sensible. Always a step beyond what other people think of me. Surprise! Gotcha.

Things got so messed up for me since the day I was born here. Trauma. Confusion. Questions. Crisis.
Don’t know who I am. Don’t know who I want to be. Don’t know anything.
Who can solve the everlasting mystery of my life if not me?? Exactly. Nobody can and nobody will.

I have no destination or grounding point in life. I’m so lost. Oh God help me!
Don’t know how to put the leftover pieces of my broken self, back together again.
I’m ****** to live a life of misery and a life of mystery. An endless dark meaningless (I’m tempted to say) black hole in my heart surrounded by supernovas and neutron stars.

Who can fix me? Who can put me back together? Who can make me feel whole again?
Cause I don’t know a **** thing. I never knew. Even if my mouth moved a lot in the past.
Now who can save me? Does anybody can? Do you? Huh? I’m talking to you brother!!

“I can and will save you. My child you have no other option but to walk the righteous path once again.
You will see. You will begin to breathe again. You will begin to feel alive once again.
You will at last get to know how it is to be a part of this marvelous universe”

Empty promises! Hollow words! Half-hearted remnants of an old man’s monologue!!
Who are you to speak my destiny? God?? Show yourself! You imbecile!
How do you dare to question the tentacle-like hands that mother fate has put on my predetermined future???

I never was anybody! I am not anybody! I ‘m just nobody and I don’t want to be something more!
My existence gets verified by my low self-esteem. I want nothing more. This is enough for me!
Leave me alone! There’s only one thing I hope though. “I hope that someone finds me and saves me before it’s too late.”

When we close our eyes
And take in the silence
We truly hear what is calling to us
Deep within we yearn
Not for things outside of us
But for someone to merely understand
The chaos within our soul
                     -kmarie

the feeling of
uncertainty
creeping up
my spine
makes my
head twirl
in an attempt
to keep all
my thoughts
in place.

A challenge was set before me,red rose blooming,
But my feet refused to take a step towards the danger,
my hands refused to hold onto the rose,
although my heart wanted to.

My fingers could've bled,
and blood could've been sweet,
The pain would've torn me,
I would've found meaning as well.

I was ****** to be a lover of chaos,
destructive idealism,
and moonlight.

Born as a child of nature,
born and died,and will live again,
Mighty fragile and weak,
but inside is what flames are missing.

Familiar with all,
I awaken with a thirst for freedom,
In it I am caged,
just to feel the purity of this life.

Ann M Johnson ( Note,Oct 2015, original copy)
On The Day the Earth Stood Still (revised 2020)
The Market crashed as the people dashed
   All the banks closed down
   the people frowned
   Natural disasters were all around
   Stock brokers quite literally took a dive
Sickness abounds
   Many people died
   On the day the earth stood still

    The daily grind
     The worry over bills
      Was replaced with the need to just survive
       Some people rioted just to get something to eat
       On the day the earth stood still
        
       Some people screamed
        While others cried
         Some people looked down looking for someone to blame
Some people selfishness stood out hoarded things others need
         Still others looked outward and sought ways to help out
        Some people banded together to keep each other and their neighbors alive
        Some people looked up
       While some people prayed for wisdom for themselves and others
        to get through this trial
        Some people looked within only and felt all alone
        Still others thought of this as a test of their will
        On The Day The Earth Stood Still
        
         I wonder if we were faced with this crisis
         would we stand together
         or fall apart ?
         perhaps the answer is found already in our hearts
         If we are lacking a strong network of family and friends
          Now is the time to start
          We don't want to be found slacking if the world falls apart
                     Sometimes things happen in a blink of an eye

Crisp summer breeze tickle wreaths of May blooms
Yellow flats traipse blocks where blue ocean looms
Serene waves greet shore's walls in fervent kiss
Moon's afterglow brush the scene in pure bliss

Fine sand witness time like dateless heirlooms
Brine's musk basks nightfall in coastal perfumes
Woven foams' calm poise in fond reminisce
With each cycle's ending, they go amiss

Red heels graze concrete in sultry whispers
As the salt-rimmed glass plays in my fingers
Gotcha!—my hapless victim for tonight

Caught my breath, it only faintly lingers
In front I stand, a door with four ciphers
"Aphrodite, save me" begins the plight