i’ve come to believe that the definition of love is very broad and complex and is hard to describe.
although, i know what love is when i see it. eyes are said to be a reflection of the soul and when two lovers are matched with their counterpart their eyes are stable and confident.

an undying trust that is fueled by a desire to be complete.

sometimes i wonder;
do my eyes shake because the taste of love is something i have not acquired. for my testimony of in doubt passion screams for another who shares the same eyes. eyes that can see my vision of peace. eyes that direct hatred from the soul.
eyes that don’t judge nor falter.
eyes that know pain.
sometimes when i look into your eyes i see my reflection, my vision, my love.

It is to be on Winter's Eve,
  a holiday for two.
And how the snow will dance for thee,
  with hair matching to boot.

In both its length and in its sway,
  your strands of golden sun
will radiate our merry days
  and blind out lonely ones.

Wine for now to celebrate what
  will only be two weeks.
Wine again to celebrate, but
  these weeks to be the least!

As feast for two will soon be three
  then four, no five or more!
I cannot wait, a father, me?
  Children of ours be born!

Purpose of life, we shall have; share
  our life's meaning we will.
As us to them and they to theirs,
  we will grow old fulfilled.

Not if but when the snow winds storm,
  of me you'll find no sin.
For coat and drink will lack the warmth
  as family's love within.

I shouldn’t have  
I guess I forcefully moved my things into your heart on parham street
This fool has been celebrating a grubby clean slate
He drank a cocktail before the harvest
After storing his brain safely in the garbage
He asked ‘would you be mine’

I shouldn’t have said I love you first
Now realising that was the pistol to your head
And i jumped the gun twice and over again
This fool stands in awe of his folly
He reads his scribbles of idyllic love poems and ******* dovy quotidians
Every compelled ‘i love you’ will be overturned
My hands over-burned from the blisters
Bitter from the bile from every memory
Though i took my time, I was patiently stupid

I shouldn’t have
Now i’m sat here with this lollipop of regret
Now knowing that every graphic snapshot was because of that same pistol
No wonder why it all seemed strange
I used to gnaw about making you feel like you needed to trust me and love me
I was yet weary of receiving the blame of every kiss, pause and touch
I didn’t realise that the foundation was built on compelled labour
I was to quick to celebrate, but now i know what i should have

A year I never thought I'd survive has passed.

I leave behind heartache, anxiety, loneliness and bad energy.

It's all washed off.

Now I look forward to fulfilling dreams, self-love and laughter.

Last year was about surviving.

This year is about living.

Today I celebrate me.

the list of ways that
i care for myself
the way i used to care for you:

1. when i'm feeling down, i ask myself what's wrong. no really,
    what's wrong?

2. i take myself on meditative walks alone to clear my head and
    reflect with no distractions.

3. i take myself out for ice cream to celebrate the good days. i pat
    my own back.

4. i give myself the bad days to cower beneath my duvet. i do not
    push myself to face the world before i am ready.

5. i never say something about myself that i wouldn't say about you
    (the reverse golden rule).

6. i look myself in the eyes at the bathroom mirror, in awe, as if i
    hung the very moon i can't stay awake long enough to see.

7. i scream-sing songs in the car with the windows down until i
    outrun my demons and leave the memories behind like roadkill.

8. i love myself unconditionally.

- courtney l. p.

Here we go again
45 soon
in a blink

Years gone
Celebrate another
getting older

Now I'm not asking much
Wanna have something
a little amazing

Tired of cruising
so accelerating
this dam pedal

Wanna have a little fun
Try something new

It's all down hill
from here it's true

So gonna make this year
Something to remember

45 oh 45
let's live a little
Be crazy , laugh and smile
Make it memorable
so here we go
turning 45

© Jennifer Delong 5/9/18