put it under your arm so it doesnt choke you in your sleep
just watch the road and don't think too much on anything
through the windshield in your dreams
just watch the road and don't think too much on anything

I got home from work today
turned off my engine and just sat there

it was raining outside
a little cold
my knees hurt

I found myself thinking of you

thinking about how empty my car felt in this rain without you

/ / /

there is a kindness inside of you that I don't know how to explain
you carry yourself with an essence of unapology that makers itself known

gently

you don't care what people thing but you are by far the most caring

you make chaos something graceful
you strip away labels that do nothing but confuse
you navigate the world with truth, inspiring everything that surrounds you to become its best

if you want something you, you create it
you are purest form of spirit and the epitome of resilient
and I am so grateful for you

/ / /

I have no explanation other than the one sitting right here in this car in the rain but I hope it is enough because there is more love than can fit in my heart for you

too much not to know what to do with it

I collapsed the seats of my Rav4
You watched my *** the whole time
And saw an opportunity
As I bent over between the front seats
One, two, then three fingers
While fumbling to turn off the hazards
Biting a seat to keep quiet
Accidentally turned the music back on
"Stay In My Memory" by Bim
The song from Him
**** him, I'll ******* instead
The hazards were off
The music still on
Your fingers making my body quake
From the inside
Twice
Strong enough to throw me around
Like I was someone cuter and smaller
And put me on my back
With a hand around my throat
Kissing at me like a dog
Making me submit like a *****
Three, four, five
"On your knees"
And you threw me there, too
Six
Around we spun
Getting rug burn
Lost count of the quakes
They started to blend
With the aftershocks
"Are marks okay?"
And then you left one
A hickey on a weeknight
And a Monday, no less
Next time, we need a bed
Rug burn is a *****

Trees smearing past the window
Other cars streak past with snarls
Snippets of vitality springing forth before receding behind
A man cleans his car
Preparing for your now
But then he's gone
A girl grabs for papers in your breeze
You should help but she's already gone
A dog's barks precede
And then recede
Before your ride slows and the barks are not quite gone
At a stop and with a click
Dismount and leave the metal ride

The bumper
pushed
right
back
like bangs,
into the skin, breaks in a creased forehead.
Linen from insides
turns into
a toy.
Plasticated hot wheels.
Activated air bags,
prank flour explosions from the ledge of a door,
door handle swings,
fidgets
funny how one day it looks like rain and the other
not just a gale,
a down pouring hurricane.
The end is here, baby
and
nothing left
of
our
...bombsite, breathes,
but flailing and pleading,
a hand.
Where's it's
limbs, breathes,
got to?
Bust its last change at high noon,
fingernails, shoes, chewed, dug into dusk.
Dust.
Politics' lips slapping, struggle shaping, stuttering
W-w-why, Ma?
your best friend who tells lies to keep live,
watching, waiting
assembling dark matter 'cause our lives matter
Like the old man
who fell asleep at the wheel.

You once told me that if you were to end your life, you'd pour chemicals on your car,
On yourself,
And maybe take a couple sips while your at it.

You said you would light that **** on fire and watch the world burn around you.
And I know that if you told that to our society, they would laugh and just say,

"Don't forget to put on your seatbelt."