The kitchen table, dimly lit, at which
Sit I, with book propp’d up upon the edge,
And in my hand, a mug bedeck’d with owls,
To the brim fill’d with sweet cinnamon chai.
The room as warm as summer, walls protect.
And I look out at the surrounding black
Becoming lost deep in the rain and wind
Which whirls without, just like a dancer wild
Would swirl a ribbon round and round their head.
But i sit in my isle of warmth and light.
While they are locked outside, in  fath’mless dark.

A year ago...
When life was unbearable
I prayed so long and hard
For God’s peace
Which surpasses understanding
To fill me
To calm me
To steady me
So I could think
So I could breathe
So I could eat
Ending the compulsions
Ending the panic
Ending the dread
And he answered
After I took a step forward
But now I’m not sure
If I’m filled with
The peace of God
Or the peace of paroxetine
Or perhaps... both?

I awake to an unreal calm in my chest
Blissful and gentle
Merciful
Nothing quite matters
I know it should
But I just don’t care
I inhale deeply, slowly
Savoring the feeling
Knowing it’s temporary
Knowing I’ll have to give it up
It’s not supposed to make me like this
I know I probably take too much
But the serenity
Of the morning
Is so irresistible

Interesting
A little flower
Dried and flakey
Contained in a pouch
Plopped into water
And that’s it
That seemed to do the trick
Maybe all I needed
Was a nice cup of tea

Hush, little one, and get some rest
Don’t lie awake thinking you failed some test
Let me wipe away your tears, don’t be distressed
All who matter know you tried your best

And like the night breeze
Her love comes quietly, patiently.
A breeze spoke soft between her lips
Softly rapping on my ears.
And like the calm of the breeze
I am at pleasant thought
Lost in ultimate stillness.
No matter the amount of noise from the rest of the world
Nothing could interrupt this peace of mind.
Her love the night breeze coming as a quiet hush
And I, ever so thankful for the amount of calm that follows.
The rest of the world slowly swallowed by peace
If for but a moment.
Everything makes sense.
Until that moment I never really noticed
How often this breeze would come.
Until that moment I never really noticed
that some nights this breeze rarely comes

Sometimes your eyes have so much moving behind them,
I long to pull you into a field of buzzing wild flowers to listen to the grasses sing.

Sometimes I want to save you,
From the stones placed roughly on your chest.

But sometimes,
The answer is a baptism of hot bubbly water,
And silence,
Or noses pushed gently into sweaty necks,

Or best of all,
Vanillary skies arching over us like a tunnel of clouds and birds and blues and the sun is serene and bursting,
And our hands are lifting one another high, screaming from our lips,
'Isn't this great? I love you!'
As we walk together,
With ours eyes open,
And look up,
And listen to the grasses sing.

Remember the hope in you,
Let it erupt like unexpected froths of bubbles
Emerging from within a dark, deep river.
Is it the exhalation of some creature within the turbulent, yet unwitting water?

Breaths captured in fragile shells
Distracting us from watching that river,
Not consciously realizing that the distraction
Is what we were waiting for all along.

I must sleep to live tomorrow, but tonight I am filled with sorrow.
I lost my dreams in a field of tears, somewhere far away from here.
Shouldn't it be easy to find?
As easy to find as the warm summer sand, or is it as rare as someone who loves me for who I am?
Sleep fixes the pain in life, but sometimes those dreary gates refuse to open at night.
Insomnia strikes like a backhanded blow, forcing you to not sleep anymore.
I just want to find some peace for this cold stone heart that is in my chest.
Hopefully, I will find somewhere where my head can finally have a good nights rest.