I pushed you away,
you were supposed to
know why,
you were supposed to
know me.

I pushed you away,
because
i was afraid,
of my feelings

and the fact
that i became
so dependent
on you
for my happiness,
you were responsible
for everything
i felt inside,

that terrified me.

You knew too much,
you knew me too well.

I was afraid
of losing you,
getting hurt.

Guilt consumed me
and i went back

and it was
the best decision
i've ever made,

until...

but now you left.

You're gone,
and i'm hurt
and i don't know how
not to blame myself.

A wise man does silent, so everyone is to blame.

People look away
    it is easier to find fault in me
    than to hold him accountable.

His position wins for him respect
    despite his actions of disrespect.

He is assumed to be:
    blameless, holy, good;
    compassionate, caring, together;
    but he is also human.

In his humanity is the capacity
    to do harm, to hurt others.
    And he has hurt me.

I do not blame him
    though he is responsible.

I offer forgiveness instead,
    because that's who I am.

Ironic: my virtue sets him free.

She was vengeful.
But against whom could she retribute her vengeance?
The rich guy who ***** her and ruined her life?
The police for harassing her in the name of interrogation?
Lawyers who tormented her and ***** her all over again with the twenty questions?
The inconsiderate jury who were bent on paying their children's school fees?
The lab assistant for lying to the jury that she had absolutely no sign of being ***** and she was making this up only because she got pregnant in the act?
The parents and teachers of the evil vandal who made him that way?
The media who were more interested in making it to the front page rather than sympathizing with her?
The government for taking safety precautions so lightly?
Neighbours who looked her down with contempt?
Or herself for not being strong enough to protect herself.
Whom could she blame?

Blamed it
Irresistible gravity around
Blamed it
Sinking in the ground
Faster than the speed of light
Blamed it all
On a tunnel of hyperspace
Faster than the speed of light

Waiting for explanations
Hope and retributions
Waiting for you

A moment passes
Or is it a year?
Questions become mundane
A moment passes
Inimitable carrier
Waiting for explanations

Faster than the speed of light
Blamed it
On nothingness
And blamed
My existence
****** in with no escape
The tape stuck in my head
My resistance
Slowly being replaced
By despair instead

All my hope is gone,
Demolished, obliterated, corrupted
Its not my fault, but your's
Its not my flaws or negativity
But your carelessness and selfishness
Because I,
No,
You made a mistake
I am stained and broken
I will take my anger out on everyone
I will make them cry
I will hear them scream
I will watch them corrupt themselves,
As did I.

I am justified.

Shame upon those,
who gaze down their nose,
while opining sans one single fact.
Like the Church way back when,
who assumed it and then,
made it law that the Earth shall be flat.

mediocrity isn’t
something to be strived for
and being a nonentity isn’t
a relief of pressure

it’s heavier than any weight
that could be strapped to your back,
larger than any expectations
you delude yourself into thinking you must meet
emptiness fills
more than you would think

your feeble body on the ground
stirs no pity in me
i hope the steel-toed boots
striking you from every direction
leave bruises that last
i hope the stench of your rotting flesh
gags you and brings up the lack
of what you hold inside
i hope old scabs are ripped open again
and your hands lay weak by your side
unable to stop the flow of blood

let me hear you say that you are nothing,
           that you have nothing valuable to offer
let me hear you say that you are a waste of space,
            an unwanted burden
let me hear you cry and plead for an end,
            although you don’t deserve that escape

i want to hear you say that you’re a murderer

i want you to go back:
             look into his eyes
             watch them dilate with fear
             and then see the light leave them

             feel his blood on your hands
             leaving a permanent mark
             that doesn’t wash off under water

             feel his body turn cold
             as the life inside him stops
             with his heartbeat

your sniveling apologies do nothing
but turn my stomach over
don’t touch me,
i don’t care if the blood is gone

being a nonentity isn’t
a relief of pressure
i hope you never get away
from that weight