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Ciske Apr 2015
Its 6 am,
and the clock
on the wall,
keeps me awake,
makes me aware
of time ticking by.

My heart broke,
a long time ago
and i don't think
i can ever
be whole.
This is me, at 06:00.
Ciske Mar 2015
Can i taste,
just taste
the sweet *****
on your lips.

Such a sweet
you will be
the death of me.
Ciske Mar 2015
I pushed you away,
you were supposed to
know why,
you were supposed to
know me.

I pushed you away,
i was afraid,
of my feelings

and the fact
that i became
so dependent
on you
for my happiness,
you were responsible
for everything
i felt inside,

that terrified me.

You knew too much,
you knew me too well.

I was afraid
of losing you,
getting hurt.

Guilt consumed me
and i went back

and it was
the best decision
i've ever made,


but now you left.

You're gone,
and i'm hurt
and i don't know how
not to blame myself.
I am sorry.
Ciske Mar 2015
Be careful
who you push away,
because you might push
too hard
and they will walk away.

And once they're gone,
you'll need them
and miss them
and you'll be hurt
because you hurt them.

and then
you'll be alone
and regret
will eat you alive
because you pushed away
your life
and your happiness.

Filled with guilt
because you hurt them
by hurting yourself.
I am sorry.
  Mar 2015 Ciske
my body is boiled down to liquid
creamy with memories and sharp with tears
you take in the bitter drink to forget your woes
by digesting all of mine
i am the alcohol
all the pictures that you've thrown
every piece of clothing with seams and strands exposed
all the nights when you've gone home feeling so alone
its at this hour all those drinks have lost their trick
and you're curled up into your bed listening to the clock as it ticks
becoming fixed on its pattern and rhythm until thats all that you know
you count every second as you begin to show
your true form once outer skin sheds in a horrifying transformation
and your eyes lose their grip on liquid sanity
you've regressed to weeping child
your underdeveloped mind has made a poor decision
and your small liver cannot process this many pills
your death will come as shocking and traumatizing to many
they'll drink to forget their woes
going home yet another night alone
listening to their clock as it ticks
wishing they could hold onto you now
rather than a bottle of a temporary fix
as they count the seconds since they've heard you laugh
they look up at their ceiling fan
and feel so empty
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