Enough time has gone by,
And I have realized that
It wasn't all you fault,
I should have put in more effort.
But when the world was crashing in on me,
where were you?
You were nowhere to be seen.

In high-school chemistry classrooms across the
country, you are forced to memorize all of the different
lab equipment.
They never tell you to memorize the constellation
of freckles spattered across the bridge of your
lab partner's nose, but you do it
anyways.

You learn about Marie Curie and radioactive decay, but you
find you are more interested in the way his smile starts small
and grows to light a fire in your cheeks.
You blame it on the Bunsen burner.

You study polyatomic ions and how they act as a single unit, and it
reminds you of how he winks at you right before quizzes
and you find you can't focus on anything at all.
You blame it on the lack of breakfast.

You test over periodic trends and ionization energy, but all
you can think of at night is the way he taps his fingers
and maybe it's why you can't sleep at night.
You blame it on a restless mind.

In high-school chemistry classrooms across the
country, you are forced to be careful when handling
Erlenmeyer flasks.
They never tell other students to be careful when handling
your heart.
They never tell you how much easier it is to clean up the mess
from a shattered beaker than it is to clean up the mess
from your shattered heart.

I told you everything
we bonded and became one
To you did it all mean nothing?
I knew you had a long past of girls
Why did I think i'd be different?
the thought of you now makes my vision swirl
We kissed and laughed
I even gave you my innocence
God I'm such a stupid girl
One night gazing at the stars
I shared with you the story of all my scars
Since my  first love I built a wall
it stood tall for so long
I still don't know why I let it fall .
I gave up so much for you
risked too much
Of course you don't care though
I wish I never let you in
But i did
so now once more I must move on
my new wall will be a hell of a lot stronger
cause my heart may burst
if it has to endure another game
It's not like I don't know that
not everyone is the same'
but thus far  any attempt of love
has  put me to shame
Throwing my trust and hopes into the flames
leaving no-one but myself to blame.

The sad thing is,
if I love someone,
they can hurt me for no logical reason,
and I will still try to figure out what I did wrong.

I blame myself.
I can't help but blame myself.
It doesn't matter what happens,
it always feels like it's my fault.

It's like someone could decide to stab me in the chest,
and I'd spend my last moments trying to comprehend what I did.
I can't find blame in others as much as I can find blame in myself.
Because I don't particularly care for myself.

Maybe it's because growing up,
I was taught to love other's,
but not so much to love myself.
but it's no one's fault I ended up this way.

No one could've predicted I'd be so messed up.
Maybe I did it to myself.
After all,
I am always to blame.