I was in love,
Madly in love
Without me realizing it.

The way you blamed,
The way you lied,
The way you betrayed,
Hit me straight up in my heart.

But,
I was told it was my fault.
That I caused this mess.
And I believed it, because
I was madly in love.

When will you learn?
You don't play with fire unless you want to get burned.

Whoops.

Those bad days come
The days were getting out of bed shouldn’t be an option
Were looking at everyone can’t be a choice
But you have to smile for the camera
Everyone is looking at you
While you see that moment
That moment of being on a bus with a friend
A friend that took your friendliness for flirting
A friend that decided to play fight with you
But play fighting turned into something more
Into something you wished it didn’t
He kissed you
You didn’t want or intend for that to happen
You didn’t know what to do
You’re paralyzed
As you tell him no, he tries play fighting again
You reject that too
But in the end, he bites your arm
And now you are stuck with the feeling of teeth on you
The feeling that you still have the bruise
A bruise that you had to hide from your family members
A bruise that symbolized
“You are broken”
You get stuck wearing anything but a normal shirt
No one questions it...but yourself
You can feel the pain
You can see yourself crying all over again
You can feel the hug that your teacher gave you when they found out
That teacher helped you more than anyone
That teacher took care of you in your time of need
That teacher was your parent because you couldn’t show them your bruise
You can feel the nothingness that came out of that experience
You can hear the whispers
The whispers of blame toward you
The whispers of “they asked for it”
No you didn’t ask for it
All you asked for was a friend
A friend to sit next to
A friend to stay close to, so you wouldn’t get lost
But in the end you got more lost
If anything, you got lost and betrayed
Within minutes before and after that first kiss
But you still feel that bruise, even after it’s gone
You feel where their teeth sunk in on your skin
That part of your skin remembers every nerve being in pain
Your muscles remembering tensing up right when it happened
That friend marked you
For what, because you were friendly
Because you gave them attention they hardly got
Who’s to say,
All you know is that you had a bruise and a bad memory on that bus
A memory that haunts you till this day
A memory you wished would just disappear
Just like the bruise
That friend got in trouble
With a slap on the wrist
And everyone on their side
You are the one at fault
You started the whole thing
But you are the one with the wounds
You were too friendly, everyone said
How could that have mattered
When you are now bruised on the inside
Where their teeth were

“I’m sorry”
I whisper.  Over. And over.
A reflex when things are not okay.
Because no matter what I’m always to blame.

*******
Seriously
****
You
*******
******* for everything you did
******* for leaving me to die
******* for turning me against
My own best friend
******* for leaving me
With all these scars
And mental problems
*******
Because I can't technically blame you
For anything
******* for telling stories
For saying that you
Liked me back
******* for answering
******* for saying that you cared
You never ******* cared
All you did was lie
And for once I am not to blame for that
All I was
Was ignorant
I didn't know
You were going to manipulate me
And her
You ****** us over
Together
So *******
For all the days I spent
Crying in the counselor's office
Too scared to show my face
******* for being the class clown
******* for being so nonchalant
******* for daring to say that you would miss me
When you saw my arms
And all the pills
I sent you pictures
You *******
And you texted everyone
Oh yes
What great gossip
She's going to **** herself
Wow
Wasn't that just the biggest news
And yet you couldn't care less
Because it was
My choice in the end
So ****
You
*******
And **** me too
I guess
Because at the end of the day
This will never stop
Being my fault

The stars look bitter tonight
Like a candle is only sweet with a flame
You take away the sparks
And only the bitterness remains
That's why the stars only sparkled for him

For now I'll just blame it on me
Because its easier than hating you
I wish I could change the blood
That courses through my veins
If I changed who I am
Would you love me then?

He took the night sky with him
In his eyes, he took my stars