~
I hold still,

let him finish stabbing me

                                                 — I count six,

let him believe me dead,

he moves on to Cecelia.

--

It does not go as well for her

as she continues to writhe and scream

and carry on,

not well at all
                                             
               ­                              — I count eight,

                                                                nine,

                                                                ten...
~

How do i end this?
How do you get out from something
that rattles your ribs almost every night,
and render your thoughts useless on the bathroom floor?
How far can one fall from grace?
How deep do cuts run?
How do you crawl out of something
that you've carried alone for so long
it almost feels like a second skin?
How many nights should I still spend
on writing letters that burn my hands?
How do you forget ?


- how do you go on?

Anxiety..
Sometimes it ***** to be you,
Losing everything you knew,
Earning nothing,
Feeling useless, becomes the daily dose,
Fake life, fake living,
It's all we are left with.
Nothing feels right,
Everyone becomes boring,
You can't do anything right,
Perfection becomes a fantasy, a dream,

Thinking we moving forward,
But in reality taking a step backwards every time,
No one seem to notice your efforts,
Not even a single achievement,
Because we are ****** up,
Living a life that's far from normal.
A loner,
Soon, a goner.

Over thinking turns to anxiety,
Anxiety to stress,
Stress to depression,
Depression to Self-harm,
Suicidal thoughts creeping in.
Life's worth, doesn't make sense anymore,
Nothing is working out,
Just fake smiles and bleeding hearts.

The blade becomes your friend,
Because all you want to feel is pain.
When you look at yourself in the mirror,
You just wanna convince yourself you not pretty enough, you wanna see all the scars,
You wanna look at all your imperfections from a complete, different, cold level,
Just to get those tears,
Getting into a fight with your friends,
Just to convince yourself you are alone.
Looking for trouble everywhere, because you wanna feel the mess,
More reasons to hate life,
To hate you.

Victim of Insomnia,
Late nights, your daily routine,
'Cause you wanna feel the silence,
You wanna get your demons to speak out,
You wanna drown into your ocean of thoughts,
Swimming in the waves of negativity,
Sad songs spicing it up,
Just digging deep and rethinking,
Meditating on whatever you wished would happen to you.
Because all you see is death in every corner,
A car running you over when on the road,
A fire outbreak when sleeping,
All you see in your problems is making use of that blade under your pillow.

It's already 3am,
Your monsters calling out on you again,
Like a bittersweet rhythm,
The voices getting louder,
The bed becoming colder,
Holding on to your pillows for dear life,
Screaming in silence,
Wishing for someone's presence,
Someone who could just understand how you feel,
And not tell you to be okay,
Or do this or that, cause you've heard all that **** before,
Someone to hold you, and not try to make you feel you can do it, because you can't.
You just want support, not assurance, not hope, not encouragement, no nothing.

Anxiety, like a wrecking ball
Crushing down my efforts,
Losing more than am winning.
Low self-esteem knocking,
Failing in every success,
It's too much to bear,
It's okay that you care,
But i can't have it fair.

Tired of hoping and waiting,
Efforts are fading,
Yet the forces am facing,
Are doubtfully strengthening,
My demons awakening,
Can't bear the noise,
Most in a high voice,
Freezing me like ice.

Tryna be alone,
Only to be lonely,
Tried congregations,
Only found them boring,
In love with constellations,
Counting a million stars,
Just for the night to pass,
Castles in my mind,
With angels singing hymns
Finally peace in the cold nights.
Anxiety at its Peak.

©tiana💞  ©Nml💎

Time is a circle, it curves once again
At first hidden, then takes a new bend

Midst a fight lost one too many times
A spiteful exchange on the precipice of life

A goodbye was proclaimed too soon
And the last breath exhaled in the room

I flail around,
Not backing down.
In and out,
I scream and shout.
Self-aimed, the blow:
Plunge down below.
My line is cut.
The book slams shut.

My energy abandons
 me all of a sudden
and leaves me staring at the wall
powerless, feeble
thoughts race through my mind
down my throat and into my lungs
cutting
 my breath short
and exciting
my heart into a shiver
shaking the room
dimming the lights
I can’t
be
          ...