As I sit here in my bed,
I think about life.
The daring natures
that are thrown at us from afar.
The temptations entice us.
Like predators,
they hunt out our fatal flaws as if it's just our human frailty to give in to such nonsense.
Leaning closer to such temptations with curiosity dripping from your eyes,
you cant your head to one side.
And you become mesmerized by the demonic allurement.
These forces attract you and involuntarily haul you into their fallacious lies.
Now you've been brainwashed,
and don't know right from wrong.
These lies indoctrinate you,
and teach you their tactless ways.
There's others all around you,
but you don't seem to notice them.
When they try to help you,
you become oblivious to what's going on.
You rarely let others in,
only when the cacodemons take a break.
Others try to debunk the situation for you,
but you see nothing illogical.
Only when reality hits you,
do you become scared of what it's done.
You pretend like nothing happened,
and the vile temptations realize they still got you.
They start to reel you in again,
starting where they ended off,
pretending like nothing ever happened.
As if you never tried to escape.
But....
each time they get you back,
it becomes harder and harder to abandon them.

I feel so alone
Like I got no home
I just want to roam
Check out the unknown
But I'm just a girl living in a semi-dangerous world
Try to keep my pack
Knives stuck in my back
Can't trust anyone
Can't love anyone
Nowhere I belong
Wish I could be strong
All I ever am is wrong

I'm sorry to hear about the difficult experiences you've had to endure. It's understandable that the fear and pain you felt at a young age would have a lasting impact on you. It takes a lot of strength to trust yourself and listen to your inner voice when those around you have caused you harm. And it's not easy to carry the weight of grief and brokenness within you.

But I'm glad to hear that you found solace in words and were able to use them as a tool for healing. It's amazing how writing can help us connect with ourselves and the world around us. It's inspiring to see that you were able to break down some of those protective walls and allow yourself to live in the present moment.

I want you to know that you're not alone and that it's okay to feel vulnerable and fragile sometimes. You are brave and resilient for continuing to listen to your heart and your inner voice, even when it's hard. And I hope that you continue to find ways to express yourself and connect with the world in meaningful ways.

I only know what it means to miss someone; never have I known what it means to be missed.

Silent. Dark. House
All the time I'm thinking
of you, your silent steps

in my memories of
your steps in this house
blindly in the dark

from my confusion to
the love under my fear

a void now, no voice
to shout, no tears
no longer a body, lost

if I were to leave here
or live a different life
if I would like to

i want to love myself
but i don't know how
drifting in and out
     between the reality and my delusions
trying to search for that vigor
that will to be alive—
to be excited of the sunrise
and feel calm
     soaking under the afternoon sun
and love the changing hues
     of the skies at dusk
and wish the moon a good night
     never fearing the dreams to come
then adore the peeking light at dawn
     reflecting the days waiting to be lived

but then it's gone
all that's left was a monotonous black
accompanied by a crippling silence
followed by the surge of doubts
     storming down my confidence
     its lightning striking
as i look into the mirror
     staring at my silhouette
     with its pieces shattering one by one
just as how, piece by piece
     i slipped into the pit
freefalling
and finally losing
     the will i tried so hard to keep
leaving me with nothing
but a void