Glimpses of what could be
In absence of gnawing hole
Stare not too long
Into black zero sum game

As surely as man who
Stares directly at sun
May lose sight

He who peers void-ward too
Blinded from past, present and future
Was it worth it?

The world brought me to my knees so often that
I chained myself to a wall;
Though I am secured to its masonry,
From time to time I start to fall.

Wrists slide from their shackles, to the abyss below,
Where the quiet seems to stretch out like a warm embrace.
Where the trembling lips and shaking forms cease,
Where no longer exist the tears that roll down my face.

But perhaps I have too much resilience,
To break away from my *******;
Though I often squirm against the metal,
Feeling as if I've been taken hostage.

Each morning I wake in peaceful silence,
Yawning, stretching, starting the day.
But a mournful agony screeches inside,
Manipulating my thoughts and the words I say.

The world brought me to my knees so often that
I chained myself to a wall;
Though I am secured to its masonry,
From time to time I start to fall.

We are not really broken
until we are broken
       and then we mend
and break again
      until our bones
become smashed
to smithereens
mapped into tiny lines
         and cracks
with some darkness
        in between
white matter, crushed
             into jigsaw pieces,
laden with blood, with spit, with silt
until the despair
that fear releases
interacts with self-blame
           and guilt
And how they weigh upon us,
these layers of pain
like heavy blankets
on our contours, in the dark
the maze of our pasts
thick upon us
as we strive to envision
                             a spark
perhaps just a tiny glowing,
at first, a barely felt
shadow of light
a glimmer, a whisper of
           knowing,
a drive urging us on
           to fight
and all of our minerals
rub off in sparkling crystals
as we brush up
against the walls
of that ever-blackened tunnel
as we stumble
and steady the fall
feeling a subterranean rumble
a shifting of perspective
as we battle questions,
spinning thick
into the whirlpool of our yearning
into molten metals, slick
We might think we can snap
                           with the ease
of a lonely brittle star
that tomorrow
could be a tribute,
              in lacerations
to the last trace
            of who we are
but it can happen, as we
sit upon, plan the edge
              of our last breath        
                       deep, subtle beats
                        of truth rise up
                to repel the scent
          of death
and, in pulses of light
                  it drifts
bends in willowy arcs
upon our soul it trips
******* light out
from the dark
and all the sharpened hooks
that kept us chained
         to the abyss
are released as
              we break free
into heaven's rolling kiss
feeling the flutters
of a new, kind breeze upon our skin
as Life's vast impulse
courses through us
     and simply wins
and the only demise
we're mourning
is the death of
          of a dormancy,
a resistance to again
receive and give
as we embrace
those little, precious instincts
that tell us to keep on
and choose
            to live

Everything is brighter
Too much light
Too many people
Crawl back in
Crawl back in
This is all too much

Take a deep breath
Smile too hard
Smile too little
This is all too much
This is all too much
Pretend to be someone else

This will work
Try to be happier
Try to be brighter
Pretend to be someone else
Pretend to be someone else
Will survive

Laugh a little
Go out into the world
Go out into the light
Will survive
Will survive
Will definitely survive

How could I move forward after this?
How could I stop dreading solitude because your face haunts me?
How could I ignore the waves of pain that make me want to flee?
How could I ever crawl out from this black abyss?

How could the sun come out every day, as if nothing happened?
How could the stars shine bright as ever, without you here?
How could the colors of the world not have disappeared?
How could the house stand just like before after it was abandoned?

How could you go without saying goodbye?
How could you say you’d be the winner?
How could you bring to us this perpetual winter?
How could you promised you would not die?

And yet it happens and it happened

Walking down a long lonely road
Ever closer nearing the edge
Stepping out off the gravel grade
Walk along right next to the ledge
Saw a cross above the treeline
After traversing the dark tunnel
Passing beneath the overpass
For you he gave his life; He died

Smooth water across was like glass
Tension broken with just a touch
Divide between; a deep abyss
Moving disturbing did so much
He stepped out on top of the brine
Don’t worry child you did it well
Nobody there gave a Rat’s ***
He rose revived the Son survived

Touching the surface a clean slate
Dip it in deep creating wake
The sky a perfect reflection
Send out ripples filling the lake
Long ago past ancient timeline
Rose up high in a cloud funnel
Finally reached critical mass
Emerging on the otherside

In the long ago past ancient timeline,
A maritime mirror shined bright like glass.
A Cross reflection above the treeline.
Division between like a deep abyss.

Surface tension broken with just a touch.
Stepping out onto on top of the brine.
Moving Minds;Disturbing Thoughts;Did So Much
Don’t worry Child, You did it All just fine.

Passing beneath, under the overpass,
After walking thru a long dark tunnel,
Finally reaching Critical Mass; Then
Rose up high, airborne in a cloud funnel.

For you and I, He gave his life: He died.
Rising again revived; the Son survived.

upon awakening
from the abyss
of my darkest dreams
I did my best
to stifle my inner screams...

My body is empty
It feels like a shell
It still has guts, it still has a brain, but...
Where has the life gone?
Where has the energy disappeared to?
Where is the emotion I once felt?
Why am I so hateful?
Why can't I be faithful?
Perhaps it's the absence of something
A friend, that's it
An old friend
Somebody I used to know

His Arteries Pressed,
What's Blood is Now Indigo
For He Pulsates an Ocean Across
His Thin, Paper-Skinned Skeletal

The Water Runs Deep
Though with Life Underneath
Only When Drowning Can One
See the Neon-Lit Streets  

This Dive-In Devotion That Drives My Parts
Into the Abyss
With my Anchoring Heart, Never Shall I
Return to the Surface