and when there's nothing left
don't forget me
but don't remember me wrong

i am buried under your idea of security
in separate rooms, where the only sounds are the
summer fan and the laptop keys, not the keys
that made me flinch when i heard them in the door

i am buried under your idea of forever
location dictated by your success, which
apparently, i lack so much of when you tell me
all about the things i should have done
(which wouldn't have changed your mind anyway)

i am buried under your idea of home
where the holes were filled two years ago
and the sound i heard
the thud, thud, thud against the drywall
was the beating of our hearts when we make it through
another one

and another one,
and i'm buried in the pillow
and it's the duvet, not your hands
(even though i still feel them all over)
and they hurt, and your lips taste like
rotten fruit and guilt and shame
and no amount of scrubbing will
let me forget you

and when there's everything left
i'll remember you right
where i found you, and where you will stay
in a cold glass box, all locked up
sound familiar?

You control my life,
restricting each breath,
each laugh

Because of you,
I’ve forgotten how to smile,
how to live

You took all my friends away,
leaving just me,
and me, alone

You forced me into things,
things I hated,
but they were the only things that brought relief

And I find myself thinking about the past,
before I met you,
before you ruined my life

I don’t know how I used to be like that,
so happy,
so alive

You stole everything from me,
and now,
I don’t even know who I am

I hope you know I will not tear my insides up for you and succumb to a void of nothingness just to gain a sense of recognition from the limited care you implemented upon me.

I will no longer stay up and spend endless hours deciding if I want to text you apologies or call you at midnight and tell you I miss you because I know you will pick up and your mind will already encompass a sense of pride and confidence that you’ve won the battle over me.

I will show you that I can be okay without your poisonous tongue that rejuvenated the scarce nothingness of the meanings you dreaded to say as in such a way that your fake promises could actually heal the pain that already dwells within my heart.

I will spend an infinite amount of days fighting the images of us actually being something and I will learn to forgive you for your double edged sword that you pierced within both of us to make sure that your mark shall be made to all who dares to even try to love me but only to be disappointed by the hallow form that you’ve created.

I don’t care if it takes years for me to actually love myself again after the damage you’ve done but it will all be worth it because I’ve realized that there is someone out there who just might be gentle enough to help me heal my own wounds and to be the support I needed when I couldn’t breathe on perilous nights that seemed endless.

You may have sparked a fire, and it may have burnt more than actually lit the darkness but now it is igniting like the sun and this passion will continue until I am ready to accept that you were just another stage in my life that was meant to be torn away carefully and placed somewhere that I will soon forget it even existed.

I will love myself again and I hope you learn the weight of your actions and your words that have swallowed up innocent souls that just wanted to be set free.

Queen of passion
Broken through love
She who gives all
Surely loses it all

Passions burning flame
No other flame may withstand
Burning out
Flame versus flame

Sad socrpio
You let a dull match in
Twig with no spark
Stealing your fire
Dulling her shine

Sad Scorpio, you know
Flame dulled
Stolen fire, a burning rage
Sad scorpio

Broken by a dull stick
Dull stick
Calls you dull

Sad Scorpio
Sad, sad Scorpio
Wishing to burn
She has been robbed

Flame stolen
Flame that once burned
All who challenged

Sad Scorpio
Steal your flame back
No.
You let him burn

He won't reignite your flame
No.
He burns you
Burns you up
Yet you stay, sad Scorpio

Says he is the only one
Who will keep you warm
No.
He burns you

Sad Scorpio
Steal your flane
Let him dwindle
Shine again

I had a nightmare about you.
It ended just like you’d
imagine it would.

You grasped my wrist
firmly in your grip
and shoved me against the wall.

I could feel the explosion
of pain pounding in my head
as you slammed it into a picture frame.

You were yelling in my face.
I could feel the rage
pouring out of you.

Why did you always take
everything out on me?
Even when I’ve done nothing wrong.

Nothing but exist,
I suppose.
My terrible crime.

You were like a drug.
Addicting and harmful,
I just couldn’t quit you

Finally I did
but yet,
you still haunt my dreams.

Someday I will wake up
completely normal.
No nightmare lingering.

I won’t wake up
in a cold sweat,
afraid that you still own me.

I’ll wake up
utterly free.
You, just a distant bad memory.

You know the relief you feel
once you finally come to consciousness
after spending a night
haunted by the most violent dreams?

The intake of oxygen upon waking
and the solace of realizing you're safe
That was what I felt
the moment I decided to leave you.

Now I can finally sleep
without having to wake up
to the pain I lived with
when I was with you.

Being with you was always a nightmare.