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Jelly Walker Apr 2018
I hope you know I will not tear my insides up for you and succumb to a void of nothingness just to gain a sense of recognition from the limited care you implemented upon me.

I will no longer stay up and spend endless hours deciding if I want to text you apologies or call you at midnight and tell you I miss you because I know you will pick up and your mind will already encompass a sense of pride and confidence that you’ve won the battle over me.

I will show you that I can be okay without your poisonous tongue that rejuvenated the scarce nothingness of the meanings you dreaded to say as in such a way that your fake promises could actually heal the pain that already dwells within my heart.

I will spend an infinite amount of days fighting the images of us actually being something and I will learn to forgive you for your double edged sword that you pierced within both of us to make sure that your mark shall be made to all who dares to even try to love me but only to be disappointed by the hallow form that you’ve created.

I don’t care if it takes years for me to actually love myself again after the damage you’ve done but it will all be worth it because I’ve realized that there is someone out there who just might be gentle enough to help me heal my own wounds and to be the support I needed when I couldn’t breathe on perilous nights that seemed endless.

You may have sparked a fire, and it may have burnt more than actually lit the darkness but now it is igniting like the sun and this passion will continue until I am ready to accept that you were just another stage in my life that was meant to be torn away carefully and placed somewhere that I will soon forget it even existed.

I will love myself again and I hope you learn the weight of your actions and your words that have swallowed up innocent souls that just wanted to be set free.
You told me that no one will ever love me because I was too much for them.
Well, I will prove you wrong.
  Apr 2018 Jelly Walker
jul
you think that you know me,
everything there is to know.
and the knowledge that you try
to prove is not knowledge
but what i show.

because you do not know the
scars on my body.
because you do not know the
the tears that i have shed,
or even the words that i write.

and if you truly cared about me,
you wouldn't
tell me that you loved me.
you would show me.
and that is what i needed,
not just a facade of the truth.
i believed the lies that you told me
while you ran your fingers through my hair.
and while you begged for my body
i begged for love.
and that, well you used that.

you used me.
  Apr 2018 Jelly Walker
Renaldoe
Pass me that red bottle
Pass me that cup of wine
Pass me those bad decisions so I can slow down the time
Pass me that cold drink so I’ll feel your hand with mine
So that when I blink, I’ll wake up to see a sign

Cause lately it’s been crazy
It’s nothing short of shady
Working 9-5 it’s always "Yes"
Never a maybe

Stuck in one big system
Without a say in the decision
I always keep on wishing
That we were back our position

Of remembering all the lessons
From all our classroom sessions
To walking pass the hallways
As we say our one true mission

That one day we’ll float higher
To see that sun and whatever’s brighter
To build one lasting empire
But we were burnt out by the fire
Jelly Walker Apr 2018
It took me a long time to finally realize
that I’ve been through so much **** already
Broken promises, fake friends, careless lovers…
What made me think that I couldn’t get through this?
because in the end you’re just like all the rest
And even though I may cry
I may fall
and I may be close to not making it again
In the end, I got through it all
and I can get through this too
A reminder to myself that I’ve been through so much and I’m still standing. (barely, but I’m trying to be okay).
  Apr 2018 Jelly Walker
Tark Wain
I want to
feel nothing for you.
I want to
soak myself in Novocain
when you pass me on the street.
I want to
not be blown away by the way
your hips shift when you walk .
I want to
delete memories of you
like they were data on a disk.
I want to
shove you so deep into a crowded backpack.
That thousands of years could pass
before I found you.
I want to
be like the neutered dog
able to **** away and away
with no consequence.
I want to
close my eyes and think of anything else
literally anything else
like dead bodies decaying
or something along those lines.
I want to
be free from your chains
and I mean that.
You don't seem to understand that
but I do.

Mean it.

Believe me.

I want to feel nothing for you.
Jelly Walker Apr 2018
Why do you always make my rib cage rattle and shiver whenever I talk to you?
Is it because my heart is crying out to you?
Or is it telling me to stop, because If I continue, It’ll only end up broken again?

S.R.
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