Grainy and clear blue
always loud but with moments of silence
rhythmically chaotic
a paradox of logic

And the people there
those people
are the same

I still think about you at night
you come back to me with all your
sweet little lies.

its not that i hate or hated you.
its not that i didn't loved you or the other way round.
its not that you hated me.
not even because you hated me for no reason.
its not that you disappointed me.

its about me disappointing you.
the fear the weight.
its about me being weak, not being strong enough.
its about me saying "I am not stupid." Because somewhere, deed inside, says that I am.

But you said it about you.
it was and would always be how powerful you are.
it was and would always be how mighty you are.
of how you are the creator.
about how the rock was Jesus.
about how i can hold onto the miracles and things you did for me, but trust in you and speak to that rock. that i may enter into your promise for me.

it didnt  matter how weak i was. or how i think i am weak.
it didnt matter if i was gonna disappoint you or not.
it was about you not about me.

Some days

I

Feel

Like
I
Am

Falling

Through
The
World

But

Some days

The
World
Feels

Like
It
Is

Falling

Through

Me

Sounds
C­olors
Sirens

Am
I
The

Prism

That
Brings
The

Rainbow

Into
Foc­us

Or
Just
Another
Looking
Glass

Mirroring

What
I
See

?

One.
I am broken
fully shattered by myself and others,
trying to pick up the puzzle pieces
I’ve been left to find.
Worn into a two edged sword
that has cut my skin and left me unloveable.

Two.
Some days it will seem like I am cured.
I will look whole,
as if a miracle came from heaven
and fixed my aching skin
and wrapped me up in something that will never happen.
I will seem okay as if everything before was just a phase,
but I need you to know that tomorrow
I will be me again.
Jagged lines drawn across rainy skies
that never quite made a connection.

Three.
I am trying.
Can’t you see from the bags under my eyes
that this is eating me alive?
I was two steps from Hell,
but now I am four,
trying to dig my way back to sanity.
There is peace in giving up,
but I have opted for chaos.