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Nov 2014 · 263
Inside Blue Walls
Some Person Nov 2014
Just about every day at work
I find myself taking a break
I walk up the stairs and down the hall
I go in the bathroom and choose a stall

Then I'm alone
And then I can cry
Crying in bathrooms seems to be a recurring theme in my life. Seems like that's the only place to get privacy when away from home. This is an old write, not going on like this right now, thankfully. But if it is for you, you're not alone.
Nov 2014 · 489
Feeling Sick
Some Person Nov 2014
****, girl, it makes me sick
I took a genuine interest in you
Sharing songs
Concerned for your health
Got along so well
Had so much fun
Cuddled close
Intimacy of body, heart, and mind

But go back to this *******,
This ******* *****
This man-child who thinks he's got a big ****
This guy who treats you like ****
***** whoever he wants and won't quit
When he goes to rap shows you think he's tame?
You think he's respectful and doesn't play games?
*******, you've gotta be blind
He just does whatever's on his mind
He can't love you the way you need
He's out for himself
He doesn't care if you bleed
The lies he tells!
I told one lie
It knocked you to the floor
Why so much pain from one lie of mine?
Could it be because I'm actually real?
This ******* does **** all the time
He gets a pass
Don't you suffer from that?
Or do you just avoid looking at that?
Shield your eyes?
Numb your heart?
Leave your spoken word unfinished
*** it might show how you feel
Is that called working it out?
You give him everything
And deny yourself?

I've got plenty of hurt
But don't give it a thought
Somehow I'll manage to go without
You, though, if you keep asking for pain
I'm beginning to think it might **** you one day
This is more of a journal entry I wrote several months ago. I guess it is a poem, but I never shared it before because I tend to be afraid of showing anyone my anger. Especially the person I'm angry at.
Nov 2014 · 318
The Way She Looks
Some Person Nov 2014
I'm sitting next to her,
my arm around her,
her resting on me,
on the couch.
She's comfortable,
she's relaxed.
Her gaze meets mine.

Her lips don't quiver.
There's no fire in her eyes.
There's not a frown,
a smile,
a smirk,
raised or furrowed brows.

There's just a slight hint of something beneath her casual calm.
She may barely even know it's there.
And her lips never move, but I hear a whisper.

"Love me"
Nov 2014 · 306
Early On
Some Person Nov 2014
I know
you're not reading this
Not right now
But I want to say
I'm trying
to process things
I'm trying
to figure you out
And to see
if there might be
something to this
If you might be
someone I could be with
Someone that might
light me up
someday
Can you communicate
on my level?
I mean
Can you speak to my
sadness
that I sometimes live with
Or is that a place
you don't want to go
Because so far
we're just kind of
having fun
which is good
But I will need more
Because
I don't come
packaged neatly
with a bow
Not anymore.
Nov 2014 · 367
some of my thoughts
Some Person Nov 2014
I recorded this off the cuff.

http://youtu.be/btVqiO-hgPI

I just want you to know
that
I think about you all the time
and
it doesn't matter what music's playing
I write lyrics to that song
and it's always about you
It's not always love
Sometimes it's pain
Most of the time it's pain
It's regret
about the way I handled
everything that happened
It's about
Wishing that I'd been stronger
It's about
Wishing that
I'd been able to keep it
in my ******* pants
It's about wishing
that I could just be your friend
And let things start over again
It's about wishing that
you'd have wanted to move
a few miles
instead of across half the country
to a state that I know you don't
want to live in
except for him
But it's always about you
I always think about you
Nov 2014 · 664
A Future Talk
Some Person Nov 2014
Well,
thank you for sharing
your poetry
with me
It's very...
good
in a way
And I understand
who you are now
You spill it
out
And I see
your heartbreak
all over
these pages
on the web
where no one
else among
your friends
will ever find them
And I respect
how vulnerable
you're willing
to be
But
I have a question
This girl
you write about
Do you still
love her?
And
before you answer
Remember
all the feelings you've
had almost ******
into you
this last year
to the point where
you have to
spill everything
out like this
Because
I don't want
to feel that way
about you
if you're just going to
break my heart too
Nov 2014 · 307
So hard to say
Some Person Nov 2014
So I'm going to a soccer game tonight
And I was looking at you on facebook
Earlier today
And you don't have to go, of course, you know
But it might be fun if you did

And me and my friend
The one with the same name as me
We're going to a party later, after the game
And you don't have to go, of course, you know
But it might be fun if you did

Want to go?
And
Sorry
If I'm a creep
Nov 2014 · 201
But I Can't
Some Person Nov 2014
I would wait forever
While you're off on this journey of yours
How many men will you go through
How many hearts will you break
Will you remember my love for you
And will you be home before dark?
Nov 2014 · 248
Rest Awaits
Some Person Nov 2014
I wait patiently beside the door
I heard the engine running outside
When will she knock?
There is no knock

I make myself a drink
It occupies my mind for a moment

I think I hear something
Could have been her car door
I head toward the front
Still no knock

I unlock the door
Lay down to wait on the couch
Perhaps if I drift off
She'll join me sweetly as I rest
Nov 2014 · 227
Finally
Some Person Nov 2014
I slipped on the curb
Rolled on the ground
Caught my fingers in the drain
And there they go
A trolley rolled by
Severed my legs
Reached out to save them
Instead, my arms joined them

For years I struggled
To tailor my look
To match what's inside
What a relief
On this beautiful day
By no effort of mine
I look like me
Nov 2014 · 150
Missed
Some Person Nov 2014
When I write about love,
I'm writing about you
Remembering your presence
And the things you would do

I threw away your picture,
Quit talking to you
But you live on within me
No matter what I do

I play games in my mind,
Wonder if I could have you
But I think I'm just crazy
And sad to see, too
Nov 2014 · 205
What happened to me
Some Person Nov 2014
Packed boxes all around the floor
Dresser drawers with no dresser
Laundry piles
Not sure which are *****
Yard waste fills up the yard
And when I go to clean it up
Instead, I just think about it all again

All you did was fall away
Some Person Nov 2014
Every time we talk,
I'm falling further for you
Every time you're around,
I'm wanting you closer to me
And every time I share this truth,
You recoil and step further away
Nov 2014 · 4.5k
Secrets
Some Person Nov 2014
I barely know you
And I don't know
whether my feelings
will grow
But I think about
how I have to speak loudly
if I want you to hear
And I wonder
If I ever tell you
my secrets
How will it feel
to speak them boldly
As if I'm finally
voicing everything
about the world
that hurts
for the first time
Nov 2014 · 522
Something New
Some Person Nov 2014
So you don't hear well, you say
Left ear a bit better than right
You're a little apologetic at first
But you look me in the eye
And at my lips when they move

When you look away
You don't hear me sometimes
But maybe that's okay
Maybe I could learn from you
To speak with more intent

I wait as your head is turned
And due to your brief absence
When you look back my way
I brighten all the more
Nov 2014 · 229
Bitter
Some Person Nov 2014
You make me so sad
Have fun in your new state
The one that's the opposite
Of where you wanted to live
Thanks for inspiring my heart to hate
It feels worse than I'd imagined
But it's all I have now sometimes
I just can't believe you
Nov 2014 · 1.8k
Korean Food
Some Person Nov 2014
I almost cry
In this restaurant
by myself
Thinking
about
How I have
a good
heart
And
How this girl I just
met
Might find out
But
I'm not really ready
for that
Nov 2014 · 499
Inside & Out
Some Person Nov 2014
How long do I have to deal with an internal shitfest
How long will I think she's a good person
Will I ever look at her the way others do
My friend thinks she strung me along, too
He says he confronted her about it and she got quiet
She does that when she disagrees
She doesn't want to argue
She just likes agreeable people
She's incapable of being honest
Why do I still love this girl?
Because she's ******* beautiful
Nov 2014 · 490
Tipping Point
Some Person Nov 2014
Nothing left to give,
I take a double shot of whisky,
Ironically,
From the shot glass she gave me
Nov 2014 · 180
Looking for Answers
Some Person Nov 2014
Why, when I hear music that makes everyone happy,
Do I discover I'm sad?
Why, when I hear stories of a life of purpose,
Do I realize how meaningless it all is?

I break apart from my past
Leave what can't be behind
I search for new truth
But there's nothing to find
Nov 2014 · 225
Women,
Some Person Nov 2014
You break through my walls
Arrive at my core
Caress what lies there
And I'm lonely no more

You're the closest companion
Anyone will ever be
You calm my troubled mind
But why do you leave?
Nov 2014 · 611
My Teddy Bear Heart
Some Person Nov 2014
I put my heart on display
At the teddy bear store
When you take it off the shelf,
Will you squeeze it with delight
And cry out, "he's mine!"
Or will you hold it outstretched
"It's got a crooked nose"
Drop it on the ground
And find another one
Nov 2014 · 309
A Familiar Face
Some Person Nov 2014
I dream of you
My high school girl
Only it's now
And somehow,
We are becoming as one
I look over your face
From inches away
I see you have aged
But the same girl underneath
I can reach out and touch you
You are still here
How incredible
How unbelievable
That we are together now
Nov 2014 · 251
A Reminder of the Real
Some Person Nov 2014
I dream of you
My recent love
I visit where you live
You let me in
You're with someone else
We catch up
Have a little fun
It's time to leave
You say call ahead next time
Who knows what could be going on
I yell something
I sprint home
But I can't feel my legs
I wonder if they'll collapse
I done care, I just run
I arrive
My heavy breath carries through
To my reality
Nov 2014 · 1.2k
First Date Expectations
Some Person Nov 2014
Yes, I will force myself to go on a date with you
No, I'm not all that interested
Yes, you seem like a nice enough person
No, you don't look that cute
Yes, I still have feelings for someone else
No, it wasn't even a relationship
Yes, I'm aware that's kind of pathetic
No, I don't really want to talk about it

I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm here
Nov 2014 · 222
Missed Opportunity
Some Person Nov 2014
You were over at my place one time
We were talking about everything
You were opening up
Unusual for you
You said you weren't good enough for me
That you felt like I was supposed to do something special
And you would just get in the way
You cried, the most openly you ever allowed yourself to in front of me
I said you would make a wonderful partner if I'm supposed to do something special
I meant it. You would have been my choice.
And when I recall this now,
I also remember
No one has ever made love to you
What an opportunity I missed.
To share that with you
In your moment of vulnerability
Would have been beautiful
And I cry
Because I wonder if anyone ever will
Some Person Nov 2014
My heart broke
When you told me with a smile
How he hurt you
In the most intimate way
Without you even realizing
It wasn't right
Nov 2014 · 336
Dating
Some Person Nov 2014
I'm getting back out there
Talking to a girl
It's going fine
But I don't know about my heart
I've come to conclusions
To help me move on
But when I read a poem
That's about stars
And beauty
And complication
And love
It's about you
It's always about you
Nov 2014 · 239
This is wearing me out
Some Person Nov 2014
I'd write a sad poem
About how you moved on,
I didn't,
And how I miss you

But I'm too tired
From getting high
To keep you off my mind
Some Person Nov 2014
Want to pass notes on my phone
Like we're in grade school?
Might be more fun
Than reading the safety guide
For this airplane
Plus, if the plane goes down
We're ****** anyway
Nov 2014 · 253
Reader Unknown
Some Person Nov 2014
Train of thought
My go-to writing style
I tell you what's in my head
You tell me how bored you are
As this plane ascends
To thirty thousand feet
(Or something like that)
I think about how
I'm not sure I'd really care
If the thing went down
I mean if it really happened
I'm sure I'd freak out
That's what humans do
But the idea of it alone
Not a big deal
No more worrying
No more wondering
Right?
Well, maybe not
Maybe what lies beyond
Is worse than what's here
Or maybe it's nothing
But I sure hope not
See? I'm worrying again.
And this is barely poetry
If at all
But you're reading it,
I assume,
For a glimpse into my head,
Heart,
Or soul
So I wonder,
Reader Unknown,
What is it you're looking for?
Nov 2014 · 534
No Filter
Some Person Nov 2014
Don't put your heart through a filter
On its way to the page
Don't pump it up with violence
Unless violence lives inside
I don't need a disconnected intellectual discourse
I won't read your descriptions
If I can barely understand them
Just
Use your voice
Your own voice
So I can see who you are
So I can love you as you are
Without guessing
Who's behind your words
Is that so scary?
Nov 2014 · 588
30
Some Person Nov 2014
30
Today, on my birthday

My dad texts me
Something loving
About the day I was born
And I think to myself
I never really considered that
As an actual experience of his
Until I was on mushrooms
Watching a movie
A couple weeks ago
I wonder what that was like
He must really love me

I have KFC buffet lunch
With my friend's family
They have more casual
Conversation than mine
More fun, more enjoyable
I don't really know
What to do about that
But it makes me sad
And I like this family
Even though it's not perfect

I say goodbye to my friend
He's my brother
We have the same birthday
Being around his kids was nice
Though it was just a few minutes
They are carefree
Even though there's **** in their lives
He gives me a good hug
Something I've missed
And will miss again
I wish we lived in the same city

I get on a plane
I hope to sit next to the perfect girl
It wouldn't matter anyway
Since I'm too angry and hurt
I'm seated next to a guy
With slightly bad breath
I put on some music
And work on a poem
**** it all
I'm not ready, am I

I wonder who she will be
If she's anyone at all
I'm severely pessimistic
At 30 years old
About finding that connection
About healing to where I'm ready
It's not like I have forever
A late bloomer in life
Except for that marriage thing
That didn't work out

On my birthday
Am I supposed to think
About this kind of stuff?
Everyone would say no
But maybe
There's no better time
Why do birthdays have to be happy anyway?
It might not be the happiest
But I'm making it one to remember
Nov 2014 · 445
A Night In (short story)
Some Person Nov 2014
He took hold of her hand and turned it over to look at her thumb, where a little sore could be seen from her picking at it nervously. She balled her hand into a fist, hiding the sore inside.

"Don't look at that," she let out squeamishly.

"Why not?"

"Because it's gross, and it's bad right now."

"It's okay. It's not gross."

Something in the way she spoke about it stirred him. Whenever he heard pain, embarrassment, or shame in her voice, he was compelled by a desire to see her healed. He found her vulnerability to be beautiful, even when it revealed what others might consider a flaw.

He used a bit of force to pry her hand open so he could see. She resisted at first, but gave in, knowing she wouldn't win the fight. Two small, partially-scabbed indentations ran parallel across the inside of her thumb. He gently grazed the tip of his own thumb over them. It was a little worse than usual.

"Why is it bad?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"I've kind of been through a lot recently," she said half-jokingly.

"Yeah. You have."

He ran his thumb over the sores again. He took his eyes off them, held her hand in his, and began to caress it.

"Want to know something?" he asked.

"What?"

"You are really beautiful."

"Oh, stop."

"I'm serious. And I don't care about your sores. I mean I care about them, but they don't repel me. They just show me a little bit about you. They remind me of things."

"Like what?"

He continued to glide his fingers up and down the length of her own.

"Like they remind me to be gentle with you. That the things I say and do affect you, and if I say or do certain things, I can hurt you. I don't want to make your sores worse. I don't want to be the one making you anxious."

Instead of getting in a little joke that would make light of what he was saying, she sat silently, just hearing him speak. She watched his hand adjust to where their palms and fingers lined up with each others', as if he wanted to compare their size.

"And they remind me of what's going on with you. Whether it's work, family, friends, whatever. They just bring those things to mind and make me think about you."

He intertwined his fingers with hers and pulled her closer on the couch, still caressing her hand. She began to do the same in return.

As she considered what he'd said, all her problems came to mind. Just like he mentioned: work, a broken family, painful relationships, and things in the past she didn't like to think about, though she had more or less come to terms with them. Why would someone like him want to deal with all that? She wondered why he loved her.

"I think you love my problems," she said half in jest, though she really was trying to understand what was behind his feelings.

He pondered the comment. He was accustomed to a woman who rarely admitted fault. The problem with this wasn't so much that she wouldn't admit her faults, though. The problem was the attitude of superiority, of entitlement, of believing in her own relative perfection and demanding perfection in return.

The woman whose hand he held, though, had an aura of graceful humility about her. What a breath of fresh air. Now he was with someone he was eager to offer himself to, who could accept him in his flawed state, and who could accept the good in him as a gift to her, though she questioned whether she deserved it.

"I don't love your problems. It's not about them. It's your response to them. It's how kind and caring of a person you are in spite of the things you've been through. It doesn't hurt that we've been able to connect through some similar experiences, but in the end, that's not it. It's your heart that I love."

She took it in. They had become friends quicker than anyone she could remember. Somehow, things had just clicked for them, and they got to know the deepest parts of one another over the course of a few months. The progression from friends to more-than-friends came naturally.

She was still getting used to the way he treated her, but she knew it was sweet. As she reflected, she began to wonder if there really was something as wonderful about her heart as he seemed to believe.

He gave her a squeeze with his arm around her back. She turned toward him and rested her head just below his shoulder on his chest. He kissed her on the forehead, then on the cheek, and then on the lips.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah. I'm good."
Hopefully it's okay to post short stories, first time I've posted one on here.
Nov 2014 · 1.6k
Your Personal Growth
Some Person Nov 2014
You try
to attach
yourself to
a man
a boy
so you can
escape
the
responsibility
of your own
life
and take on his
Nov 2014 · 320
Measured
Some Person Nov 2014
All my life
I measured myself
By my income
Intelligence
Stupidity
Creativity
Mistakes
But when I died
I saw everyone else
Measured me
By my heart
Nov 2014 · 636
Our Dreams
Some Person Nov 2014
Your soft lies hang gently
In the clouds in your dreams
And wreak havoc
As they rain down in mine
Nov 2014 · 1.1k
Your Scars
Some Person Nov 2014
I hope when you look at your scars
And you notice you've been picking a lot
You remember
How I wrote that story about them
About you
Loving you
Because whatever you do
You are loved
Even though you don't love me
Nov 2014 · 1.8k
You Don't Work for Me
Some Person Nov 2014
Whenever I look at you
I know what I'm doing
Isn't making it any better
But I still look at you
Almost every day
I try to feed myself
With your willingness
Your "beauty"
Which isn't really your beauty
But just a cheap
Shortened version thereof
A minute long relationship
If I think you're really hot
And it's a sad one
It's a rebound I live
Every day
I keep rebounding with you
But it doesn't seem like
I ever bounce away from her
Sometimes I wish
You were someone real
But then I'd be crying
Even harder
Because I'd be giving more
Of myself away to you
So maybe it's better that
I only see images of you
I cry enough already
And I need a rebound
But rebounds don't work for me
You don't work for me
But I still give myself to you
Nov 2014 · 184
Opening the Door
Some Person Nov 2014
I remember one time
You came over
And when I opened the door
You sorta met my eye
And had a little smile
On your face
As you brushed by
It was just enough
That I knew you were
Happy to see me
Not just as a friend
Or a familiar face
But someone
You had been wanting
To see all day
And I smiled back
As I closed the door
Or I was already smiling
As soon as I heard your car
And we had fun that night
You might have left earlier
Than I would have liked
But we were smiling
And you were mine for that time
And now I don't know
What happened
Wind blew
And time
And conversations
Anxiety and drugs
Fear and distance
Coughing these up in our lungs
When we took hits
From your blunts
Suddenly it wasn't just fun
Nothing can be easy
Nothing simple
I still think about you
All the time
And I still open the door
But when I do
You're not there
And
I don't smile
So much anymore
Nov 2014 · 1.2k
Expressionless Girl
Some Person Nov 2014
Looking at hundreds of women
I come across you
No pleasure shown in your face
No moaning from your lips
No enthusiasm in your motion
You are not here to pay for college
Or to cover the bills
You have no choice
No choice at all
And here we are
In our cushy chairs
Spending our spare time
Getting off on you
I regret any pleasure I had
That came at your cost
Please forgive me
If you can find the will
In what's left of your heart
A sickness lives within us
If we carry this on
Nov 2014 · 659
Katie
Some Person Nov 2014
I still look at your picture
You look "adorable"
The word you used to say
I act like I'm writing this to you
Like you may read this one day
Yes, it's for you
I see your eyes
And the softness that lies behind
Ready for tender affection
To absorb into me
On the couch, your small self
My little spoon
Arms around you
I will fall asleep
So easily
Knowing you're here with me
And will be in the morning

Where did you go?
Nov 2014 · 290
See Me
Some Person Nov 2014
I need just one person
To slow down enough
To see me
To find me
Look into my eyes
And keep looking
Not a glance
Put your hand on my chest
I'm thin, you can feel my heart beat
It beats for you
It beats for me
For what it hasn't found
For what will never be
Won't someone please
Cry with me?
Nov 2014 · 364
I Explore Her
Some Person Nov 2014
Into the universe of her heart,
I explored like mankind
I launched into her space
For the very first time

I landed on her moon
And took a first step
I planned a trip to her Mars
I'll see her Titan next

What will I find
Among the galaxies of her soul
The unending thrill of wonder;
Beauty unspeakable

With a sand grain of searching,
My heart is awakened
I consider her vastness;
My breath is taken
Nov 2014 · 250
My Love
Some Person Nov 2014
You soothe me
I nod my head
Roll it side to side
As you enter my being
Wash over my restless soul

You perk me up
Brighten my day
Your subtle quirks
Remind me this life
Isn't always so bad

You speak to me
Whenever I listen

I love you

But, music,
You're only a feeling

And what I need is someone real
Nov 2014 · 375
Mankind
Some Person Nov 2014
And, once this over,
Mankind's sprawling about the Earth
Flying from one end to the other
Making love
Waging war
Some feeding the hungry
Others ignoring the poor,
Who will look back at us
And say anything ever happened here?
Nov 2014 · 1.1k
Depression
Some Person Nov 2014
What will it take
To break out of this
Day in and day out
I get so little done
At least at home
I'm always tired
Bored to death
Much to do
But little
Breath
Nov 2014 · 1.6k
Another
Some Person Nov 2014
My hands are strong but gentle
My voice is tender
I will not use it against you

You laugh when I kid
You smile when I tickle you
You say it can't be done

You're calm when I'm near
You're safe in my arms
I hold you all night

I give you my passion
You ask for more
I give you my all

I listen to your heart
I respond in kind
Sweetness from the deepest place

But you turned away for another
Nov 2014 · 167
The Next Girl
Some Person Nov 2014
When I find another girl
How will I explain
The love poems I wrote you
When I have none to give to her
Nov 2014 · 5.8k
Breakup
Some Person Nov 2014
Thanks for breaking up with me
Now I finally understand
Why you smoke **** every day
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