So I dance wrong
Too awkward
Not good enough
Whatever
You're unattainable
But
I never gave a ****
About your body
Your moves
The look in your eye
Because I had someone else
In mind
So go on
Twist your hips
Groove your body
I'll be right here
Listening
To the music
With her on my mind

When I ignore questions,
It's no accident
I read into every line,
Every word,
Every bit of punctuation
And I respond in kind
Read into me
Like I read into you
You might fall in love
Or you might find my pain
In my silence
My delay
A forced smile;
Watch my eyes
When you get up to leave
I'm anything but cool
But I play it that way
And if you miss it
You've just missed me

Why did you run from me?
Could the sad story be true?
That you're stuck in fear
Of being loved by anyone true
A beautiful girl
And no one can share it with you
The only men you'll try
Guarantee to leave you dry
But it's safer that way
Since you've seen the future already

Probably not
It's probably some grey ******* reality
Like everything else
No redemption, no healing to be found
Nothing very interesting
Just human drudgery
Some feelings ignited for a while
And now they've gone out

Woooooooooooooooooooooo life!

If I add enough water
To this *****
I can convince myself
I need to drink it
To stay hydrated

:)

Hey everyone,
I wanted you all to know
That I went to rehab
No, not drug rehab
****** addiction rehab
Much more...I don't know,
Abnormal?
I want you to know this
Because I love you
And I don't care
What kind of **** you've been through
Or how ****** up you are
I am too
I've been close to a lot
And I'm sure if I knew your whole,
I would love you the same,
If not even more
Because vulnerability is beautiful
Wear your heart inside out
You won't scare me
And if you scare someone else, well,
Now you know who they are

I swear to god if you say I'm too good for you one more time
I'm just a ******* person

I'm smart, so what?
Am I not smart enough to choose someone who's good enough?

I've got a good job and I'm decent with money, so what?
Am I not allowed to share that with someone I love? Why the **** am I bothering with it then?

And now I realize
As I write
That I have my grandfather's heart
Papa, who I love
He married young
To a girl who had nothing
But big pretty eyes
A tough upbringing
And a tender heart
He fell in love
And he gave her everything
For the rest of her life

And that's why I loved this girl
She has big pretty eyes
And a tender heart
Had a tough upbringing

And she had my heart

Forget your flowery words:
Soft sensations weaving through our minds
As their sound vibrates gently on the surface of our brains,
The written word having skipped the ear altogether
Blah!

No, let your heart bleed from your fountain pen
And dump the ink well over these pages,
Spilling your blood for us to pour over
To search for beauty and love
And affirmation of the blood within our own

I grew up traditional
Conservative Christian
The beauty of women
Was intellectually pounded into me
You are the pinnacle
Much of that made it to my heart
I sit in awe of your beauty
In contrast to that of a canyon
Or a snow-laden mountain

You are the living embodiment
Of the best all creation can produce







Unless you're a *****

When I die
I want you to remember me
Flip through my photos
Like I would do of you
Read my poems
The good, the bad, the disturbing
Let the tears stream down your face
Empty yourself of breath and gasp
As you cry as hard as you ever have
Because this is how I always felt

Edit 11/5/2014:

In case you are really reading this after my death, I love you, and I will say hi to God for you if he's up there and if I know who you are and if he's a cool dude and not all authoritarian. Or if he's just a really loving guy; I guess he'd like to hear from you then, too. Anyway, I wasn't really quite this sad all the time, but I did feel a lot of loneliness, and I was sad. Severely lonely at times. Like there was nobody that got me at all and nobody that wanted my true self because if they didn't get me, how could they want me as I actually am? But I do love you even if I couldn't accept your love the way you wanted me to. And I'm sorry I couldn't. And I probably miss you.

I'm sorry for the email
My desperate-sounding contact
I didn't know you're in a relationship now
I didn't know
I wanted to believe my words might not be unwanted
I wanted to believe I was special to you
I always wanted to know that
I wanted to know it meant something to you
That I knew you better than anyone ever has
I wanted to know that you could see who I am
That you could see my heart
And that you loved it
That it's different from other hearts
That it pumps blood full of passion
For what's right
For feeling alive
For connecting with depth unheard of
And for you
I wanted you to love that I was into you
And to do it in your own way
Your own silent way
A casual understanding that this was the good life
That you'd made out by being loved this way
And that life is going to be good
I'm sorry for the email
I know now I'm not wanted

If I were to fall in love again,
It would have to be the right person.
Or the one who broke my heart.

I'm going to make love to you,
Okay?
You can look in my eyes
You can run your fingers through my hair
You can open your lips
And feel my kiss
You can remember what it was like
When we were once together
I'm going to make love to you,
And then I'm going to cry
Okay?