"I love you." she says
And she means it.
"I love you." she says
And it's true.

"I love you." he says
And he needs it
To hear her say
"I love you too."

"I need you." he says
And he means it.
"I need you." he says
And it's true.

"I need you." she says
And she needs it
To hear him say
"I need you too."

"I love her." she says
And she means it.
I love her." she says
And it's true.

"I love her." she says
But she fakes it
And all except her always
Knew.

"I need her." she says
And she feels it
"I need her." she says
And it grew.

"I need her." she says
But she knows it
Is a need that will never go
Through.

"I'm sorry." she says
And she means it
"I'm sorry that I love her too."

"I'm sorry." he says
And he pleads it
"That this has been troubling you."

"I'm losing." she says
And she means it.
"I'm lost and don't know what to do.
I love him and her and I mean it.
And I know that they both love me too.
I won't leave his arms to go with her,
For I know her love isn't true.
But that will not stop all these feelings
From popping up out of the blue."

moving with you
arching bodies
flowing with
your breath
heart beating

Merry f*cking Christmas
And everyone's drunk.
All spirits are dim
And my heart has near sunk.

I'm not okay.
I can't speak.
It's hard to breathe.
My body is restless
But it can't leave the bed.
I'm crying without reason.

I can't even find the words and writing is what I love but you guys I'm losing my passion every day and I'm scared for myself.

I want to tell someone.
I want help.
But how do you tell
A stranger that
You're dying.

Frozen in this dance
For now or for
Forever.

Words of kindness, of affirmation, are fleeting. But words of hatred, of spite and anger, cling to your skin like paint holds fast to a canvas. They dry up and create an image upon your heart. An image of insecurity, of low self worth, of depression and little faith. They drip into your veins and leave streaks of color on your fingertips. And no amount of soap or scrubbing will ever take away the stain. Nothing can remove that pain that is felt when words of fury are flung upon you. Carelessly applied with an overused brush.

ink
in the form of
flora
and
fauna
pressed into
your skin
ankles
wrists
arms
and back
covered in color
and light.

I need no explanation for why your kiss is on my lips.
Let's pretend that it's for him.
Let's say it's all in fun.
Your words can't change my feelings.
There is no trouble here.
If it's for him I'll see it
But it feels like it's for me.
And I can close my eyes for days and feel you on my cheek.
And I can rest my eyes for weeks and feel you next to me.
Whatever be the reason that you found your lips on mine.
I'll take it in with laughter
And then I'll drink it down.
It'll build up deep inside me and you'll never find it here.
Because while our lips are making small talk in the space between our cheeks
Your eyes may wander towards him
But I'm nursing my addiction to your second-hand love
And it's never going to end
And I don't care.

They love us for our madness and they view it all as play.
And as long as you all see it
Then it's not some form of secret.
And I don't have to speak of it with shame.
I kissed you. And you kissed me.
I kissed you and I loved it.
And nothing needs to come in to ever take me from it.
Unhealthy or unstable frankly I don't give a ****.
I need this in me right now and your smile washes it down.
With every single moment I keep it in my mind
And remember when I'm writing all those times that I was special.
Bubbles and weddings and cigarettes.
And every passing moment.
I'm drunk on all these memories.
They feed on my addiction and I will kindly let them.
I'm coming out and I don't give a **** for who will judge me.
I love him and I love you and nobody can stop me.
So kiss my lips just one more time and let this all sink in.
Please come a little closer let me try.
Give me equal reign of the situation.
And I'll pull your pretty eyes away from his.
And he'll start to question why you cannot see him.
And you'll start to question why you're wanting more.
And when you come right back around to see me.
I'll kiss you like you've never been kissed before.
Watch me.

There's no way to explain it.
There's nothing I can say.
The world moves on without me.
I cannot leave this day.

I'm trapped within it's barriers
There's no way to get out.
And no one seems to hear me
When I yell and scream and shout.

I need no explication
For why your kiss is on my lips.

How did I fall in love with you like this?
How can you fall in love without even knowing it?
Without being in control?
That shouldn't be allowed.
Please, cut it out of me.

It's not right, loving you.
Not this way.
Not with everyone looking on
Thinking we're just friends.
Not with you
Thinking we're just friends.
Not with me
Pretending we're just friends.
Lying to myself every time I see you
Every time I hear your name
Every time you cross my mind.
**** you for always being on my mind.
On my stupid stupid mind.
I'm so obsessed.

Perhaps it's best you move away.
Perhaps it's best you find me odd.
Perhaps it's best you keep your distance
Your distance from me.

I'm no good for this thing we have
These absent minded kisses
They said don't fall in love with you
But I can't
I can't
Help it.

Even when I pretend that you hate me
Even when I play it out in my head
You far far away, never to see me again
I still feel the same.
I can't get rid of you.
I can't.

And it's killing my work
It's killing my college
It's killing my spirit
It's killing my fun.
Oh what to do today?
Something productive?
Or shall I daydream of you?
As if I could reason with myself in that way.

You're all there ever was in me.
You're what I've waited for.
And how absolutely perfect it is
To miss my chance
TO NEVER HAVE IT
How could I have it.
I just can't have it.
I can't.

**** you.
I love you.
**** you.

I feel you in my hands
Clutching your hip bones,
Clinging to your arm,
Wrapped around your fingers.

I feel it.

I see you in my mind
Watching you walk the room,
Seeing you smile at me,
Looking at your eyes, your lips.

I see it.

I know what you want.
Forever with me,
Together with me,
Both of us as one.

I know it.

I feel you.
I see you.
I know you.

And it's all there.
And it's all together.
And it's all tucked away.
Filed under "what if?".

it's getting dim outside
you were all things light
now you're moving away
i suppose the sunlight
follows you

She's the gift
That every birthday
Has been leading up to.

Don't you tell her.
Don't you ever tell her
That she's the one that I can never leave.

She knows I love her,
Not in the way she thinks
But what's it really matter in the end.

She'll move away
And she'll never know
That she's the one that taught me of true love.                                            

And I'll go on living
My perfect ******* life
With the man that I love so ******* much.

So don't you dare go tell her,
Don't you ruin what I have
Because it'll all sort itself out some day.

And she'll go on believing
That I love her as a friend
And I'll move on as she moves away.

And in that very first touch
Of your delicate fingers
On my shoulder
I saw all that we would be.

I saw the heartbreak
I saw the sorrow
I saw the hurt

And I jumped anyway.

Don't forget my loving,
My longing or my coveting.
Don't forget my loving
Of you.

we will love while we are near
we will love from afar
we will love with every sunrise
with every sunset
with every snowfall and rain storm
with every change in the weather
and with every flavor of the sky
we will love

Come home to me
I beg of you
My love.

You want flowers?
I'll grow them for you.
Food?
I'll learn to cook.

You'd like some music?
I'll create it.
A special song?
I'll sing for you.

All my riches?
Take my wallet.
A brighter sky?
I'll paint it blue.

Anything you ask
I will provide for you
My love.
Come home to me,
I swear that I'll be
True.

You bring about
The parts of me
That I have been dying
To meet.

I want to get a point across.
To write something that lingers.
I want to make a masterpiece,
Let beauty flow from my fingers.
I want to write a piece of work
That's truly worth your while.
I want to ask for just an inch,
And really take a mile.
I want to live a life that's free
Where people see the good.
I want to sing out in the open,
Not just say I should.

So simple
So sweet
So secure

I get so mad.
I don't know why
I wish that I could stop
Myself from yelling at my mom
And glaring at my pop.
At times they don't do anything
(I said I can't explain)
Yet I react
So horridly
(I can't help but complain)
They don't deserve my anger.
They don't deserve my rage.
So I will write my madness out
And leave it on the page.

I'm sorry that I'm broken.
I'm sorry that I'm used.
My mind is like the city streets
And my heart has been abused.

Why is it that
When I speak
I cannot draw my eyes
Off of your lips?

And when at last I look up at you,
You do not meet my gaze.
For your eyes are strongly fixed
Upon my mouth.

So why must we stop our eyes
From speaking up
And interrupting our words
For a kiss?

water and air
and a toss of your hair

a little blue
and every thought of you

Your face was so familiar to me,
Having seen it when I closed my eyes.
But now my sight is fading
And with it your affection
Leaves my lips.

and nothing she did was unrecognized

the first time
that our eyes met
we clicked.
my heart felt a flutter
when our hands collided
and when I saw my reflection
residing in your pupils
for a single shining moment

I no longer felt alone.

Well
I must say
That I'm doing just fine.
Hell, I don't even think of you as
Often as I
Used
To.

Don't love me.

I love in the form of
Sobs and shakes.

I build up affection
Then I rip you open
And I tear out your heart
And feed on your feelings.

I'm a monster.
And a coward.
And if I can't have you
I'll leave you heartless
Just like me.

I'm just not feeling anything anymore.

Speak to me.
This stranger business need not last
If you'd open up
And spill words out.

I'd love a drink.

You never really left
Even though you're gone.
And I don't know how
I'm going to move on.

Today has been a rough one,
It brought me to my brink.
It kept me from all bubbly laugh
And caused my love to drink.
My heart is drunk, my voice is sunk,
Alas, it cannot swim.
I'm broken, I'm unspoken,
And my spirit has gone dim.

It's a giddy, happy, fuzzy feeling,
Knowing someone likes you.
You cannot help but smile
At the mention of their name.

It's a fuzzy, happy, giddy feeling
That bubbles all around you.
And constantly reminds you that
You'll never be the same.

Her lips
And your kiss.

Her eyes
And your sparkle.

Her movements
On your body.

If I could
Mix and match
Your pieces

Make you dance for me
Make you comfort me
Make you love me

This new concoction of
Mismatched parts
That don't belong together

Beautiful, beautiful people
They play upon my mind.
The taste they bring about
Like the sweetest caramel from
My favorite candy store,
Which I visit weekly.
Much like these beautiful, beautiful
People.

These beautiful, beautiful people
To my left and to my right.
How can you expect me to get work done
While they're standing by my side?
Their electric smiles light up the room
And I use their glow to read.
To read upon the pages of their lives and all their longings.
To learn and once to study
All the movements of their bodies.
Like music as they're walking,
As they're sitting
Breathing
Talking.
Like music from their beautiful, beautiful
Souls.

And is it so surprising
That we have Michelangelo's David
With his Sistine Chapel and statue of one man.
We can all give recognition to
Leonardo Da Vinci
With his stunning Mona Lisa
And her beautiful, beautiful
Smile.

So please do not berate me
As I gaze upon your shoulders
As your hips are making movements,
Telling stories on the streets.
I simply cannot help it,
All these beautiful, beautiful people
They's never cease to be
The only thing upon my mind

And now
It is time
To get to know myself.

What a frightening
Wonderful
Thing.

My desire just to hold her,
Tucks her chin into her shoulder.
Pulls her lips up.
Brings her lids down.

"You close your eyes when you smile."
"Is that not right?"
"You're just missing out on something beautiful is all."

Let's leave
Today.
Let's run
Away.
Let's never
Stay
In one
Place
For too
Long.

Have you ever smiled for days in a row?
Non stop.
Come what may.
Car trouble
People trouble
Personal trouble
Doesn't matter.
Just a smile on your face
So genuine and true.

What caused that?
Find it.
Keep it.
Pursue it for the rest of your life.

Who is this *******
Who gave me permission
To do things like
Love
and
Kiss
and
Desire.

What kind of a person allows that?

Did they not realize
That I would crave
To act on those
Behaviors?

Of course I will love.
Of course I will kiss.
Of course I will desire.

But why would someone gift me
Things that can
Hurt me in return?

Unrequited
Unwanted
Uninterested

How cruel of the person
Who gave me permission
To try.

I'm not okay.
But I will be.

I miss you.
And I can't make sense
Of how
Or why
Or what
Makes me miss someone so dearly
Till I feel it in my gut.

And it wouldn't be so baffling
Had it been another time.
For I haven't anyone to miss...
It seems to be that I'm

All alone down here.
Just missing you,
You, whom I've never met.
And though I know it sounds impossible,
I cannot seem to let

This empty feeling leave my bones.
Once hollow to the core,
Now they're filled up with this loneliness,
They're always craving more.

It's time for bed
I have to go
To sleep now,
It is late.

I'd like to stay up longer
But tomorrow cannot wait.

So I will lay my head down
And for hours be sedate.

Till the sun comes up
To greet the sky
And play at Heaven's gate.

I'm sorry
I'm not entirely
Here.
But my heart
Has passed
Away now
And there's
Nothing to
Mourn it
Anymore
But
My mind.

You're

gone

and
I
can't

breathe.

I talk to myself sometimes.

I'll just be sitting in the car and I'll strike up a conversation with myself.
And sometimes I can be harsh. I just need to stop fighting myself, you know? Because if I'm not on my side then who will be.

I have so much confidence and I'm always so sure of myself. I never bring myself down. But every once in awhile, I'll get to talking to me. And I'll ask myself if everything is alright. And I start to cry you guys. I cry to myself. Because I have to be honest. I have to be honest with myself. Because if I'm not honest with myself then who will be?

"Hey hey, why are you crying?"
'I'm not doing so well.'
"I can see that my dear but what's wrong. You're so very sweet and pretty and kind. You have plenty of friends and wonderful mind. Whatever could make you so sad?"
'Oh my god stop rhyming that's stupid. No one needs that right now.'
"Okay yeah sorry that was dumb. But you stopped crying so that's good."
'Yeah haha I guess so. Man I'm pathetic. Something is just off about me.'
"Again? Why? I thought we were all sure of ourself and confident and stuff."
'Yeah, so did I. What happened? Why am I so unhappy? '
"You miss who you used to be. You need to stop dodging that."
'I know. How did I lose myself. Why did I do that? This isn't me.
Fancy hair and all these clothes. Since when do you care about how you look? I mean, you look great but you're trying way too hard. That's  not like you.'
"Well, none of these things are bad. They're just different. Sometimes different is good."
'I know. And I'm trying to remember that. But it's hard. It was so much easier before. Before I found out more about who I am. Before I realized that there are some things about me that other people may not like.'
"Yeah, you've always wanted to have people like you."
'Stupid right? It shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks right?'
"It shouldn't, but it does. To you. To us. And that's okay. But we can't let it get to us like this. It shouldn't make us cry."
'I know. God why do you have to be the reasonable part of me? I feel so whiny.'
"Sorry."
'It's okay. I just need to be me. If I can find out who I am again. So much has changed. How do I know what's really me?'
"This is you. Who else would write all of this **** down and show it to the world."
'No one I guess. This is pretty stupid.'
"**** right it's stupid. It's really dumb. They probably think you're insane. Talking to yourself is one thing but writing to yourself?"
'Okay I get it stop. You're making me feel bad again.'
"Sorry."
'We gotta get our **** together. What do we do.'
"I don't know. We'll be fine for a few days and all of a sudden we'll be off again. Everyone is worried. And I don't think they're going to stop asking you what's wrong. When you got back from that family trip your sister practically thought you were suicidal. They're worried Christina. And honestly, so am I. We're not like this. And you know what caused this."
'I know.'
"You need to fix it."
'I can't.'
"I know."
'Hey hey, why are you crying?'
"I'm not doing so well."