I'm a ghost,
Something you can't fathom.
I walk around these halls
Hoping to find a cure..

It's there,
I know it is.
I've heard legends,stories,myths you tell little kids
"It can be cured," you said

It's all in my pretty little head
There are no shadows
No black,dark things
Lurking. Waiting. Plotting my demise
It's all in my mind.

I'm just a ghost
Roaming these halls
Waiting. Watching.
For the cut to become a scar.

Wave after wave,
Each one hitting her harder than before
Black clouds gathering above her, inside her, behind her,
All of them surrounding her in an eternal darkness.

Gasping,
Thrashing,
Screaming,
Crying.

She sinks.

I'm incapable of love,
Incapable of feeling,
But Darling, please know that you are above,
Above everyone else. You're my King.

Mine.

im more than capable of jealousy,
The Green Beast grows inside of me.
He grows alongside the Black Barbarian
that thrives and feeds off Chaos and Strife
that takes pleasure in my Pain.

Mine.

I'm incapable of happiness,
Incapable of smiling for more than five minutes.
But Darling, please know that you're the source of my grin
The only one that can take away my despair...even if its for a little while.

Mine.

Baby, I'm more than capable of sadness,
its the only thing im good at.
the Blue Monster lets out a hearty laugh for every Drop that spills out of my leaking tap.
He sits on his throne beside his Comrades
Absorbing power like a Sponge.

Mine.

Before you, my world was dull,
The trees had no colour and neither did the sun.
I kept looking around for something to hold onto , but there was none
I never thought I would be able to see the day where I was blissful.

Like a storm, you came in,
Your eyes as piercing as a knife
And that smile that could give life
It was as if you were yang and i was yin.

I was the dark that was seeping into your life
But you didn’t mind as you smiled and guided me through
I could hear the demons pulling me back but you fought them all off
Unfortunately, they feed off chaos and strife

But the demons scared you..and nonchalantly you fled.
And like everyone else, you left me for dead.

I thought I was making you happy,
But as the days went by,
I realised it was the other way around.
I was your burden,
One that just added more and more pounds.

I was wallowing,
Drowning in a sea of my own sorrow.
The sea made of my tears
The only thing getting my through
Was the thought of you.

Then you left...

You were pushed away by my
Black forcefield.
The force of the push,
I thought would break you in pieces.
Oh my poor, poor, naive thoughts.
The force of the push,
Shattered me instead.
You were as whole as I was deluded.

I'm just glad they didn't envelope you as they did me.

"Be yourself and you will go far,"
They said.
But what if being myself is how I got these scars.
The bruises on my back, bruises on my heart.
The deflated self esteem that I was left to hold
and the endless streams of "Just ignore it."
My thoughts that once used to be gold,
They're all gone and replaced with a deep, black pit in my soul

Him,
Have you ever looked at him?
I mean, actually looked at him.

Have you ever looked at him when he smiles?
And how when he did,
His eyes would crinkle
In joy,
and how his teeth would shine,
and make my heart beat a million times faster.

Have you ever seen him angry?
How his eyebrows would meet in a sweet embrace,
and how his eyes would shoot daggers.
My heart, would dance,
In fear and admiration.

My heart still beats.

Have you ever looked at him when he's sad?
His eyes swimming in water,
Pretending to have no worries when all it wanted to do was cannonball and let everything go,
How his mouth would tremble just trying to keep it in.

His eyes glimmering with joy,
And how his dimples would show,
So prominent,
And how his nose would crinkle like a bunny.

Have you ever seen anything more majestic than him?

Alas, the poor soul now possess no emotion,
No emotion but one,
For how could anyone show emotion,
When they are six feet under the ground?

She was waiting,
Waiting for her prince charming,
The boy on the white horse,
Waiting to hear the horses galloping,
Waiting for the loud cheer
of the commoners to alert her.

But the poor soul,
She didn't realise that there was no such things as happy endings,
No such thing as a prince charming,
No such thing as a saviour.
Because everyone runs away from darkness.
Everyone goes for angels,
No one stays for the devils.

The poor soulless girl,
Waiting for nothing but death.
A sad, tiresome, lonesome,painful
Curse.

There's only darkness,
Not even a sliver of light,
Even the crack of dawn only brings black,
There is no hope,
No hope of ever going back,
Because once you go black, you never return from the other end of the spectrum.

Two sides,
Two opposing forces,
One winner.
Millions of deaths,
Billions of wars.
One winner.

The winner?
The one that consumes you.

My winner?
The Darkness.

To the one that holds my hand,
When I'm losing all my might,
And the one that tells me I can,
When i think i've lost the fight.

She's always in my heart,
I can feel her in my soul
She was there when I was young,
I'll be there when she's old.

I'll never let her go,
For diamonds are a girl's best friend,
And you know you've found one
When you know she'll be here till the very end .

So here's to you mom
My own personal hero
You were there when I was young
I'll be there when you're old.

Here's to you, mom,
My personal superhero,
For whenever I need her,
She always seems to appear.
Be it a phone call,
Or a lingering thought.

So here's to you mom,
The only mom that makes the best crepes,
Our own superhero,
For not all superheroes wear capes.

I can't do this anymore,
The pretending,
The lies,
The betrayal.

I can't do this anymore,
The lying to my friends,
To my family
About being happy.

I can't do this anymore,
I'm sick of trying,
I'm tired of crying,
I just want to sleep.
To sleep and forget,
Because while I'm sleeping
I don't remember anything.

I don't remember the hurt,
The lies,
The scars,
The blood,
I don't remember anything.

The skies will weep,
For both of us they reap
Coloured tears of love
Fall over the city that fell from above.

Hell is empty,
The devils are amongst us.
Keeping us apart
They just laugh at our efforts.

The skies are bleeding now, my darling,
Bleeding tears of sorrow.
Why are they keeping me away from you?

The devils are here, my darling.
Running after us.
Clawing and tearing their way through anything
That stands in their way.

The devils are here, my darling,
They are you and me.

I've got a war in my mind,
It's making me lose time,
The more I try to get away,
The harder it hits me when I go to bed.

The impact hurts,
It's a white,
Hot
Searing
Pain.

It's hands grasping my collar
Oh so tight,
I just lost all my might.

The brown, hairy hands
Is now squeezing my throat,
And all I hear is
"oh no, darling no"

"WAKE UP!"
I hear my father scream,
And what's that?
Is that my mothers weep?
"She promised she wouldn't"
I hear my brother say
But all I see is a light as bright as day

It whispers my name,
Oh so softly
And I feel myself walking
Free from all worry.

He was the only source of light,
In my world of darkness.
The only source of good
In a place surrounded by bad influences.
The only source of food,
In a place of starving hunger.

Her only source of love,
In a place of surging hatred.

She thought she had his love,
The love that has brought her happiness,
But, the poor, sad little girl,
Has never seen love outside of his.
She doesn't know love, real love.
And she never will...

No one knows love six feet underground.

I walk by all the places where our memories were created,
I still dream of our last kiss and that memory leaves me haunted,
Even though my friends tell me you ask about me all the time,
I still cry myself to sleep thinking about you and your eyes.

I always wish you were beside me telling me, its going to be alright
Because his touch doesn't make my skin feel alight.
I go to sleep beside him when I really want to be with you.
The words you wrote me still play in a loop inside my head,
The I Love You's you wrote are embedded in my brain

Sometimes I start to wonder if I made the right choice
I know what we had can never be a lie.

But I'm not fine at all

I remember the day I told you I was leaving,
I remember the tears pooling in your eyes,
When I walked away, you told me
"You promised you wouldn't run away"

I wish I could turn back time,
To work through all these stupid little things
I know that I don't want to forget you,
And all the happiness that you always bring.
Like the way our bodies fit perfectly,
And the memories I can never forget.

I'm not fine at all

The pictures that we took are still living on my wall...
I admit that I look at them every night before I bawl.
And all my friends keep asking why you're not around

Although it hurts to know you're happy with her and not me,
I still smile every time I see you laugh,
And I smile when you drum.
It's hard to be happy when I know that you've moved on

I wish I could tell you that I am never fine,
And that I haven't been since that night.

I'm really not fine at all.

I really wish this was a dream,
So when I wake up you'll be right next to me.
Hopefully this is just a dream ,
When I wake up I'll feel your hands wrapped around me.

A simple human emotion,
Weighs me down more than anything ever did.
The pain,
It demands to be felt both physically and emotionally.

I don’t want to say goodbye,
If only I could hide these stupid tears,
If only I could tear and scratch away my flaws.
I wish I could be your ideal, dream girl.
Maybe then you would want me to stay,
Maybe then I could finally feel loved.
The way you told me I deserved.
Maybe if I were smarter,
The way you said I was, 
i would be able to see,
                                                                    Through your beautiful fake mask.

Sugar, spice and everything nice,
She sits there with a smile on her face,
Pictures and memories cloud her mind,
All from that one boy that makes her smile.

Wearing a suit,
He stands tall,
With a diamond ring,
Sitting elegantly in his palm.

She shrieks and gasps,
With tears of joy flowing down her face.
Nodding her head,
Unable to speak.

With their head in the clouds they stand in front of the minister and their beloved friends and family.
“I do” they say before coming together forever free from their worries.

Right now there's only rain,
Not even a glimpse of light
I just can't help feel like I'm stuck in a Fight.
A fight for my life...

Trapped in a moving train
Only headed for a deadly crash
With nothing to pull, not even a chain
And nothing to do except wait for death.

being able to feel It coming,
and feel Its presence,
but never able to know when or how..
The worse form of torture is sitting here waiting for it to engulf me in its cold, black embrace.

In the dark,
With these thoughts...
On one shoulder, the light calls me,
But on the other, the Dark compels me.

One sweating while trying its best to fight,
But the other mocks its effort as it knows its winning.
Oh the poor, dim, stupid light.
Don't you know the dark has more might?

I watch in agony,
praying to be saved,
to be taken away from this Torturous Purgatory
Hoping that the light won't let me be enslaved.

My pleas being laughed at by the evil audience,
The light trying to muster up any sliver of strength it has.

But as usual....
The Dark always wipes out the light.

It's Funny how the person that seems the bubbliest,
Is the saddest.

It's Funny how the person that is most helpful,
Needs more help than anyone.

It's Funny how the person who always has a smile on their face,
Is the person who cries themselves to sleep.

It's Funny how we think we know the people around us...
just by how they act,
But the truth is that we don't know anything..
Isn't that a big slap?

Why do we crave to label everything in our path,
Why do we seek to throw out wrath
and make everyone else miserable
Just so we can have some smiles.

She stands there
Fooling them with a smile
That they think is full of glee
When really
She can't wait to get out of here
and just fall
Into a deep deep slumber.

When she's sleeping,
She can't remember.
She forgets everything.

She forgets the taunts,
The torture,
The tears of blood
The screams
The demons....

She forgets them all when her eyes are closed.

But when she's awake,
the memories...
They hit her like a ton of bricks.

So sleep my angel...
For they can't hurt you there...

Not yet at least

I'm drowning in a sea,
A sea of my own Thoughts.
The dark slowly engulfing the light,
Savouring the taste as it crushes the good
in between its sharp fangs as the blood seeps out...
the deep red staining the sides of its mouth.

My breath hitching as I am forced to revel
In the dark
Being forced to watch myself
Self Destructing.

tears pooling in my eyes
But never escaping
As I am compelled to
By the demon involuntarily making me hold a gun to my head.

The demons laughing at my pleas,
Pointing at the disappointment that I have become.

The grin never leaving their face
As they watch their success story finish the job that they have started.
As the gun drops from my hand,
Into their next victims hand.

The red not only in my mind now,
But also on the white carpet...
The stains splattered all over
Never coming off.

She knew it was destroying her,
Tearing her up piece by piece.
She knew it was unhealthy,
He was torturing her,
thought by thought.

His presence could be felt,
Even when he wasn't there.
His name runs wild in her mind,
No matter how hard she tried to tame it.

Everything led back to him.
The music, the books, the bed…

Everything just came rushing back,
The memories she tried so hard to forget,
That blackening pain,
The red blots on the sheets,
The screams....

She used to be happy, emitting joy,
She used to be friends with everybody,
She was the flame that the moths would fly to
She was the spark that changed it all.

But the flame has long died out,
The joy has vanished.
The words that were spoken cut her like a knife,
It took away her innocence, joy and almost her life.

She’s falling, falling oh so deep
Into darkness that you put in her world,
A world that she didn’t know existed
Until that day.

Oh darling, she’s gone now. Don’t you dare weep,
She’s here isn’t she…just in a deep deep sleep.

Her clothes are stained red,
From the truth that she shed.
Her wrists are stained a deep purple,
From the lies that she has hidden.

So many promises were broken,
Those which were spoken and
Unspoken.
All shattered in one, swift, swipe.

The tears are now drying up,
They're being replaced with a huge
Smile.

The numbness is now taking over,
Her one true saviour.
The one she has been lusting over,
Since the razor has become her master.

They come to me with problems That they can't handle. With a smile,
I drop everything to help them.

What they don't know is,
I'm facing a battle.
But they just think that
I'm a happy little helper.

The forces are joining up, Gathering everybody they can
While I stay here just trying to ignore them.

Black and white,
Dark and Light.
Go head to head
As I watch in Bardo
Waiting to be claimed.

No matter how much she tried,
She couldn’t defeat the Darkness,
Pushing and pulling
Her and throwing her all around.

No matter how hard the light tried,
It couldn’t even pierce the black wall
That had been built all around her.

Her world was black and white,
Completely drained of colour.
No rainbows appeared,
Neither did the sun.

Alas, she grew more and more terrified,
Unable to stop the terrors of the Dark.

She finally let go and let the Blackness engulf her…

“i’m fine..”
She whispered,
Ignoring the blood seeping from her wrists,
Trying oh so desperately to hide it,
From prying eyes.

She knows nobody will care,
She knows she doesn’t matter,
Not anymore,
Not since they threw her out,
Like an old toy that they got bored of.

They watch as she hurts herself,
Doing nothing except taking pictures.
Hashtag, We miss you. Hashtag, Why didn’t anyone help her.

Nobody ever helps..They just watch as we cry out in horror and pain.

She sleeps,
Alone.
Patiently awaiting his return,
Craving his presence.

She lies in a comfy space,
Waiting for him to join her.

Countless hours passed,
No sign of him,
Not even a single tear,
or a stem of white petals.

She's getting lonely,
all alone,
Lying in these satin sheets,
The space is closing all around her.

She can't see in this growing darkness,
Her breath escaping her body,
Walls pushing against her frail, fragile body.

Waiting and wishing his return
To his one, true love.
He promised he would be there,
That they would go together.

So here she lays,
Waiting for him to fulfil it
Just as they promised they would,
Together.


Wishing his return to her,
6 feet underground.

Days like this
I want to drive away
Lock myself up
And will the pain away.

Bottle it up,
Push it down,
Into the vault
That is buried deep within me.

That pain will fade..
But the memory will remain.
I guess that is the price I'll pay,
For pretending to be okay.

But you don't know about the pain, the suffering or the robot that I have become.
If you knew even half of it, you would have been long gone…

She ambled along the pavement,
Searching for an answer,
Desperately looking for a reason to stay.

Tears pooled in her eyes ,
But she didn’t cry.…She never does.
“It makes you weak,” she stammered.
Vulnerable.

She was said to be a boy,
Never liking dresses.
She wanted to go places,
Unlike the rest who wanted a barbie doll as a toy.

She ambled, walked, then ran.
But she never found it.

Well, there goes another one.
Burried deep within the sand.

All I needed was a call,
But you never cared.
Laughing at my pleas,
Laughed when I bawled.

Lost and insecure,
You left me.
Lying on the floor,
In my most vulnerable state.

Promises were broken,
Those which were spoken.

You promised you would never said goodbye,
We even sealed it with a kiss.

Since then the guards have been up,
Never to be killed again.

By now you must’ve realised,
that every face wears a mask
but darling,
if you let me, I want to do the honours,
of taking that filth away from you,
Daring, you don’t need a cover up
You’re just perfect the way you are.
Don’t you dare do them that favour
of getting under your akin
they’re just parasite’s ;
Lurking to get within;
They’re the monsters that hide under your bed


But darling I forgot to tell you…
We are the parasites and monsters that the fairytales warned us about.

It looked up at her with grey eyes of disappointment,
Of words spoken, and promises broken.
It’s skin damp with tears of anger,
It’s skin red with coloured tears of destruction.

Deteriorating on the inside,
She thought she might not live to see another day.
But with the power she held in her dainty hand,
Who knew if she would live to see another second.

She’d sit in her room for days at a time,
Wondering how she had let that tiny blade take over her life.
Contemplating ending that life forever;
But which one?
That is the question….


“Till death do us part,” she whispered.

The beautiful, green scaly skin of the devious snake
Was always prepared to rear its ugly head,
A grimacing, smirk plastered on its face
As it glided, lusting after its prey.

Eyes locked,
Scrutinising every movement,
It crawled out of its pit,
Attacking with its sharp, venomous teeth.

It ripped, shredded, and devoured
All with a menacing grin on its face,
The poison was seeping,
Taking over the body, slowly, painfully
As the snake just watched bashful and happily.

And all they could do was watch in agony, wishing that she would escape the constrictions of the cobra buried deep within her.