The seed of jealousy is a powerful thing
It grows when fed things you see,
Things you think you could potentially have but don’t
Things that shake your security and foundation

It makes you hateful and bitter
It makes you weak and passive
It makes you do things you shouldn’t do
Like hurt people
And lie

When I heard her first fake laugh it made me nervous
Her subtle insults made me afraid and not trust myself
So I thought and thought until my brains couldn’t take it
I gave it to someone else to sort out
The results came back: Yes, she wanted me gone but couldn’t tell me herself

So she would gaslight me
Passively say things that make me uncomfortable
And still delicately insult me, make me feel like I was wrong

I remembered I told her that women had done that before to drive me insane
She broke me down to frail my human heart
Tore me a part
Take out my bones and scratch, “You’re not worthy,” into them

What she didn’t understand is since I’ve been through it before
I could deal with it again
Much healthier, this time
I can reassemble myself just fine
Polish my bones and mend my skin myself

Because I won’t abuse drugs like she does
I have my hands to release all my energy
I can channel my rage through my voice
And scream louder than anyone knows
I show how I feel through words and images
My hands create and cleanse my world

I know I’ll be okay
It’s really her I’m sad for,
She doesn’t know how to take care of herself

Once I left, her kingdom of filth and loneliness piled up again
And she sat in her throne of 7-11 Styrofoam cups
Wearing her gown of fast food paper bags
Listening to the voices inside her head
Wanting to be loved again

How dare you do this?
“Hey,” is all you have to say?
After what you did?

The poison I’ve consumed is enough to **** a lion
Or love
At least I hope so

Because you’ve spent my energies
******* them dry so you have a place to store your bittersweet temptation
And I know I’ve helped clean them out
But that’s because I care more than I want to
More than is healthy for one person in a two person relationship

I can’t take care of you if I can’t take care of me
So it’s time for me to shed the skin that you’re so familiar with
Time to grow new hair that you haven’t touched
Time to grow a new heart to replace the one that I ripped out of my very own chest to give to you
You didn’t want it ‘til I stopped offering it
So why should I offer you anything more?

It’s taken a long time for me to get to this place
A place where I can stand alone and be content with myself
Because within this mound I stand on of skin and bones
Is a soul that needs to be touched and loved
I am more than a body, let alone a body for your human feasting
I am a shining, beacon of hope

I am loved by many
And it’s only now I realize I don’t need you

Unfortunately, that doesn’t make it any less difficult
For my sad, human body