the ocean is majestic
it calls me by name
the ocean is a song
it lulls me to sleep
the ocean is my future
unknown and secretive
the ocean is my guardian
it protects and watches out for me
the ocean is my home
it makes me feel like i belong

"i miss those desert drives from the passenger side"
the music is a faint echo behind the voice of your laughter
yet you are always listening
you grab my hand and place it on the wheel
you tell me to steer from the passenger side
and its 1 am but it feels like infinite time
i could drive hours in the night with you and feel pure bliss
until the moment i step out of your car
i am hit with realization and unbelievable emotion
you drop me off with a hug and an i love you
but the second i walk away i have this urge to cry
because you remind me what love feels like
and yet i wonder how you would define our love
cause i know i would define it as a secret buried in the passenger side of your car
only to be discovered in a moment of pure bliss alone with you

HE GIVES THE BEST HUGS
"you like long hugs don't you"
he knows i do
so he envelopes me in his warmth
and squeezes me till i feel giddy like a little girl
and sometimes
he even rests his chin on my head
and i wonder if he is memorizing what my shampoo smells like
and it's for this exact moment that i push through my workload each day and
it's for this exact moment that i walk through the rain each night
his evening smile is tattoed in my mind so i can dream peacefully
and he never fails to follow up with a simple love you snap
HE GIVES THE BEST GOODNIGHTS

i feel like a cheat
one of those girls i swore to never be
why do i play with the hands of innocent boys
why do i let myself be torn apart and tossed among them
i wilt at their feet and yet they do not water me
he pines for me and i pine after him
a classic broken fairy tale
what sort of fairy tale is this where i am weeping on the floor
why do i crave what i cannot have
"what is wrong with me" - echoes in my mind
every hour, every day
i weep for the pain i cause you
i weep for the pain i feel because of you
i wish to be the plant that thrives solely on your water
quench my thirst
distinguish the fire
feed my fairy tale

i am ******* beautiful
i have a beautiful laugh
i have an amazing smile
and my eyes will always smile for you
you will always make me smile
i deserve love and affection and kindness
i deserve to be happy
i was created beautifully by him who made me
i will be loved
and i will love you
more than i have ever loved anyone ever
and i will never stop loving you
i will do anything to make you happy
i want you to be happy
forever
and i want to be happy with you
as long as you are happy with me

I'm so torn
I can't breathe
I'm gasping for air
I can't find the light
I am enclosed in darkness
Please someone
save
me
I am drowning in confusion
I seek guidance but find only dead ends
Someone please
show me the straight and narrow way

“Are you ready?”
3...2...1... and suddenly I am a bird.
Soaring 434 feet above all things green and blue.
I open my wings and g   l   i   d   e.
“GRAB THE ROPE”
My exhilaration comes to a halt as I realize my wings are slowly breaking.
A rope is thrown in an attempt to save me.
My father curses under his breath as I slowly slide back into the blue-green abyss.
To my right, a waterfall cries and I feel at peace
as my savior comes to fix my broken wings.
I step foot on land as my father’s arms welcome me.

i feel like i am in a battle of untold secrets
the secrets shoot me in the heart
each enemy i stumble upon runs right through me
they don't see me for me, they see me as a place to hide
i am an open wound
slowly rotting to the core
from being shot with too many bullets to the heart
too many secrets to hide

when will this war be over

the waves crash as i look back at you
a moment of pure inhibition
i am unable to contain
the feelings bottled up inside of me
like a ship waiting to be pulled out of the glass that captures it
captivated by the waves
or by the flicker in your eyes

i keep wanting to write about you
but the feelings are so complicated
i struggle to find the right words

you are my best friend
you are also more than my best friend
we have this connection
you cannot deny the tension
when we are alone in the room

why do you pretend to ignore it
why do you pretend you like her better
why do you pretend that you're not hurting
why do you pretend that everything will be okay

why do you make me pretend it will all be okay?

you are the reason i learned to pretend

You have become a familiar sound.
The whisper of the wind in my ear,
The gentle breeze that tickles my nose,
The white noise lulling me to sleep at night,
The hum of my fan silencing all thoughts to rest.
I am drawn into the whirlwind of you
and all the pleasurable peace that resides within you.

words strung together like a necklace draped around my neck
"it was like you were the first person i wanted to see in the morning"
words paired together like my favorite pair of socks
you say we pair together in the same way

my brain cannot make sense of the past five days
why are my emotions on full display
i do not know how to control my behaviors
all i know is i'm in need of my savior

someone rescue me from this chaos, from this confusion
i am so torn, so stricken with distraught

your words mesmerize me like the reflecting light of your necklace