I think I’ve fallen out of love
With you, more like new you.
I miss the honeymoon phase where things were good
And no wrong could be done
But four years down the road and no fights have been won
Just each time you snip or snap it takes me back
Further and further from you
But we’re four years in what am I supposed to do.
I feel in debted to you in mind body and soul.
Four years of intertwining meticulously we’ve our web to make it one.
The first years were fun
It’s like a really big rollercoaster but all it does now is go down
Down down into the ground never ending with spirals
When we met there was such a bright ligh in your eyes but everyday now it’s like it’s died
I don’t see you , just the shell that you’ve be come
From let down after let down
I’ve tried to be the light to help guide you
And at first you brushed my flame making it bigger along the way
But you’re out of breath
Or I’m out of wax
I think I may have burnt to bright for you from the start and my wax isn’t forever
And your breaths are getting more shallow.
As if both of our purposes have been forgotten
Or more so they have evolved
But even though your geek squad this isn’t technology you can figure out.
People are made of behaviors and each one can be altered and it seems we no longer fit…
Like we did.
And maybe that’s on me
But to me it feels like it’s on you
What am I to do…
To utter these words to you what good would it do for either of us.

To the next man to love my mother, just know
She is a force to be reckoned with
She’s the type of woman who with take the clothes off her back to put it in yours.
If you should love my mother
Her kids are her strongest fighters
No home ever feels right unless she’s in it
To love my mother is a whirlwind.
No moment ever to dull
No moment is ever long enough
To love my mother is to love the things life can’t offer
To love my mother is accepting the luggage she works so hard to lighten.
To love my mother is to love every scar inside and out
To the next man that loves my mother
Keep her safe, to wrong her is to lose a light
Her kids may be grown but they will forever be little in her heart
To fall in love with my mother, is to love her kids.
We will always have a key to her heart and home.
To ever hurt my mother is to hurt yourself
You may stop loving her , but no one will love as hard as she does.
To the next man my mother loves, cherish her.
She is not someone easily replaced.
To the next man that loves my mother.
I hope you fall, because my mother is pure love.

How selfish of me having someone new.
Yet some nights I sit craving you .
Selfish of me for leaving you
For the same reasons she ended up loving  about you
I hate the pain I feel from your happiness because before I knew I was in perfect bliss
How good it felt to think I was the only one who could ever love you yet I chose not too
I would keep telling myself our paths would cross again but then my new man came in
And I thought I had it all
It’s selfish that I though he would spend all his life waiting for me
And I thought leaving would make me feel free
But now I’m back to being unsure about who I’m meant to be
You are loved and now married
soon you may start creating you’re own little family
and I can’t help but think all of that should’ve been with me .
The nerve I have in me to feel entitled
The selfishness in me for loving two
For the longest time I didn’t know what to do but now your ship has sailed
And I’m hoping my new relationship doesn’t fail
And for you I hope marriage does you well

You were my best friend
Why did it all have to end
Was it because I'm a girl
And when Dad left it made you think
You were a man
I wish I could turn back time
And we could play again
Come to think of it
Growing up with you
You were my only friend
There were times when it felt nostalgic
We would do things that for miss
Was like committing a crime
But to us we were just having a good time like any siblings we'd fight
And at the end of the day
It didn't matter who was right
Although as we got older
You got new lanes in crime
And so did i and that was fine
Yet when I got trapped in my head
I could have used my big brother
But I guess, you couldn't be bothered

I loved you before I ever loved myself
Being with you made me feel like I didn't need help
You so quickly turned into my home
But you just as quick you left me alone
Trapped inside my mind
I'm not even sure how I survived
I have you two years and you left me
High and dry
I was so tightly wrapped around your finger
Because you were my guy
And all the **** you put me through
Made me want to cry
I gave you myall
and you just watched me fall
And when u tried to move on
Sure enough you'd give me a call
But not I know to you
I was just a *** doll
At one point I truly loved you
But time proved you were a *******
After all

Dear father
I have a question
Why have kids and get married
Growing up with you was scary
I was taught from the start
I'm order to survive
It's best to have no heart
You always said
Mom was your only friend
If that was true
Why was our house a war zone
That place was never my home
And it all started with you
And that why I've never felt whole
I crave love from men just like you
And in the past they've been just as big of fools
Time and Time again
I search for things that connect me to you
But that ***** for suckers
I no longer crave got the attention you'd get from father's
And now I no longer feel like a goner

You were supposed to nurture me
Make sure I was well taken care of
In ever aspect of my life
Yes my belly was full
And I was kept warm
But with each passing day
Inside me grew a storm
A child who had to raise herself
On her own
They was no nurture only nature
Force to adapt in order to survive
And all I knew is I was dead inside
And new issues rose
My life a lie
And with that knowledge I spend most time high
So I may forget how much I wanna die
And know I wonder why
I even fight to stay alive

Ready closely
For these words I write
Will take you on the journey
Of my life

You want to hear about heart break
I spent two whole years making mistakes
Letting you walk over me
Making me believe that there was something
Wrong with me
I gave my all
And you let me fall
I wish I could take it back
I would tell myself drop him
It'll never last
Thought I was so lucky
How stupid to think you were the one
This was all supposed to be fun
I helped you in ways no young girl would think to
Stuck my neck out for you
And you smashed my heart
Like it was nothing new
Played me like your games
Knew exactly what buttons to press
And then you got bored and left me a mess
I tried so hard to pick up my pieces
For awhile I refused to believe it
How in the hell could I just leave this
This thing I thought was love
But love doesn't break you
Or play you like a game
Love doesn't cheat and lie
By saying it wont happen again
Love does not just stop in the middle of the sentence
You were not love
You were lust in every sense of the word
And I'm glad that were done cause I'm a survivor

The First man to ever love me broke me
Made me feel I was never enough
I called you daddy but, you barley know me
Raised me to abandon me
For years I longed for you
All I wanted was a message or a call
Don't even know my birthday
And that hurts most of all
So much anger and pain
I'm so ashamed, that you're my father
Lucky enough you still get that name
Because if not that id live my life ashamed
So many words unsaid
So many actions to undo
But I'm over it
So in order to mend things it's up to you

The exhale of relief
for some that's at the end of the day
when curled up in bed, and the day is ending
if you're lucky you have one moment of piece
and you exhale out all the stress
all the ******* and feel calm
I have yet to have that relief
I'm constantly a mess
Each breath I try to feel that peace
Instead I breath out anxiety
And am still worried for the next day
If you are lucky to have that exhale
Remember it, Its what will keep you going
Then next time you get lost.

I’m scared to speak out.
Scared to be seen...as weak.
That’s not me.
I’m put together.
Born to be super.
But I’m not.
I get tired. I break. I’m not invincible.
And most of all.
I’m not perfect.
Writing is my escape.
It’s where i speak loudest.
I just wish I was heard.

I write and I write...
But it’s all useless.
All my work is gibberish.
I just rant.
Hopeing something will come to be.
All this pain is still inside me.
It wants to be set free.
So I smoke.
Hopeing it’ll spark inspiration.
Yet instead it either sparks numb or hesitation.

You were toxic.
Tearing me mentally limb from limb.
I though I could trust you.
Let you in.
That was my mistake.
You took my heart and crushed it.
Like it was nothing.
Made me feel like I was nothing.
Now look at me.
Finding it hard to trust.
Hard to love.
All because you were my everything.
And to you I was nothing.

It's hard not to get attached when I look in your eyes and go to a different place.
Or when we kiss and all my problems fade away.
How can I not get attached when you've become my home
It's hard not to fall when everything he does has you floating.
And it's scary
Because that can be taken away in a blink of an eye.
No more late talks.
Or laying with you and our dog
If I get attached and it ends..
I won't just fall...
I'll plummet.

We are told there are levels of society.
Being a bi-****** African American female.
Means I am at the bottom of the chain.

She loves him.
But he loves her.
The typical first love situation.
I'm Seeing it first hand.
**** man.
How ****** is our society.
Teaching people they need others in order to be happy.
I will let me children know.
That it's totally fine to be alone.

I'm free.
Although i didn't choose to be.
I've made mistakes.
But I'm young you see.
Life happens.
People change.
You say we don't deserve eachother..
But I think you just wanted a way out.
Because my love is to much.
That's OK though. I'll give my love to me.
I'll try to feel free.

I'm sorry that you fixed me.
I'm sorry that I'm no longer broken.
Not in the way you want me to be.
But I am broken...
And it's because of you.
I'm sorry that I'm not what you want.
I'm sorry I'm not her.
I'm sorry I'm not new.
I'm sorry I'm not special.
I'm sorry that I cared to much.
I'm sorry..
But I love you

"He doesn't deserve you"
"You need to leave him"*
2 years went by...you made my world so bright..
Everything was new when I first met you.
I broke my rules, to be with you.
And now my world is crashing down.
The ground below is crumbling and you're not here to catch me...

Small waist, thick thighs...
But I'm stuck with just having; nice eyes.
Long hair perfect skin.
I'm here trying to just get thin.
Society praises the perfect woman.
Although they only exist in magazines.
We Photoshop, nip, tuck, and torture our bodies.
Because we are objects boys just want to ****.
I want to change this stereo type of what a woman is.
We are not objects here because guys cant just use there ***** to take a wiz.
When we act with in the lines of society it changes our morals.
We act immorally because that's what they expect.
Guys face stereo types as well but are told to ignore them.
As girls we are told to embrace them.
How can we not with main stream celebrities flaunting there bodies.
Tall, short, skinny thick.
There's more than one model so just take that in.
Bitten nails, long hair.
The stereo types of perfection are not fair.
Girls mutilate to be perfect...I think its time we stand up and care.
We come in many shapes and sizes...so why do we make one mold?
We need to embrace the differences because if were all the same.
Don't you think it might; get old?

We are told looks are important.
It is implanted in our mind from day one. No one can tell the pain you're in if you look nice.
They can't kiss the mental scars withheld in your mind.
Dress to impressed it will help everyone stay blinded to that fact you are depressed.

My hair is thinning
My bones are creaking
I feel the cold breeze hit every vertebrae as I assend into a room.
My bones are more like spikes now.
Jabing everthing I touch.
You must handle me gently.
For the lightest squeeze can bruise me.
When my trouble began i was an insperation.
But now, I dont recognize who i am.

My demons call to me every second of everyday. I tell my demons to lose my number. Yet i find that its me who calls for them as well. I beg them to hold me. Tears running down my face. They are the only ones able to piece together the words I release between sobs. They reassure me I'll never be okay.They tell me the ugly truth everyone else hides from me. They tell me it is survival of the fittest and I am not fit to live. I want out. I want peace

I am a women.
And I will tell you what that means to me.
I am not an object.
So do not objectify me.
I can not be bought.
So do not claim to own me.
I am not a distraction.
What I do for me, should not take a toll on you.
I can do the same as any man.
So do not push me aside as if im just a fan.
I should not have limitations.
I deserve the same opportunities as a man.
It is not my fault if i get *****.
I should be able to go out in public and feel safe.
Yes, I am a woman.
And the world should know, thats okay.

Guys say they wanna ride or die but they looking at these thots.
Wanna girl nice and pretty also gotta be smart.
Trying find the perfect girl in this UN perfect world.
The girl you really need thinks she’s gotta be a queen.
Got us searching for our king but he can’t be seen.
If you don’t wanna thot, fellas you really need to stop.
A girl who’s right for you is the one who is lost.
But girls you too gotta stay true.
Stop actin like you dumb because in the end it ain’t cute ***.
Dress modest cause hottest..
I know you show some skin thinking it’s the guy that you’ll win.
But he ain’t the one for you if he only looking at your *****.
Play it safe play it smart make him work for your heart.  
Love is a two way street so slow down and see who you meet.

It took him for me to realize the love at two am.
The longing of not wanting to go to sleep.
The messages of giving a stupid smile.
Want to talk to him for hours even if its about nothing.
To see him and be able to hold him when I'm sad.  
It took him to realize how alone i feel at two am.
Family asleep and he's off line.
It’s normally a sweet time.
Now, all I what to is talk to you.
I hate this feeling I use to sleep the night away.
Now i stay up wondering..
It took him for me to realize how to feel.

Is no longer alive.
People left there home to come to this here promise land.
And We've disappointing them time and time again.
We promise them money and riches for miles.
But all we give them is evil sinkers and fake cheerful smiles.
But here were free
Were not the only ones free
But we have freedom of speech
France has strikes and police don't abuse them when they do
But...we have..Equal rights
Wow the hell we do nothings equal
But..we are beautiful
We are not a beautiful country, we never were.
People have all these good things to say about america but there's nothing good about us.
Yes were getting better.
There's no more slaves.
Women have more rights.
Children can get a good education.
But We have not yet reached where we could be.
It will be years, centuries before the "American Dream"
Becomes actuality.

All around me i hear all this joy.
Faces and laughter oh boy.
But i am just here drifting about.
Falling in limbo with out a doubt.
How could this happen i was doing so well.
Feeling so happy not living in hell.
But all of it changes when strangers come near.
Awe your gals are so pretty.
Are you both sisters.
And your just their friend?
Oh their cousin.
In this world we all find happiness
I just can't seem to keep mine.
When things start to go good.
Something happens to bring me down.
When i think i fit in i really dont.
I just want to forget about the past.
The past in which i was an outcast.

All the things you said.
Always going through my head.
A constant replay.

A love like Romeo and Juliet is not what i want.
I don't believe in love at first sight.
I don't want to die to be together as if it's the only option.
I will fight for you.
I will care for you.
I will prove my love true.
And one day of need be i will die for you.
If i die don't cry because i am gone.
Stay here and spread the love i showed .
Shower the world and show what love is.
Don't say it's dying for eachother.
Don't speak how to love.
When i am gone.
Use the love we had to paint pictures.
And inspire poets.

I am not me.
I can not be.
This is not what I want.
Im not bad at school.
Im not supposed to struggle at living.
I do not talk this way.
I do not ignore people.
I do not get uncomfortable.
I am not quiet.
I am not this person.
I can not be.
I will not be this.

Trembling on the surface..
That does not compare whats happening inside.
A constant war trying to get well.
No one likes you
Your lying their my friends
Thats what they want you to think
I try to ignore its cruel words but its stuck in my head.
Stick and stones they said, The world is fun they said.
I'm psychologically messed up.
I don't have a cast but i promise I'm hurting.

Writing makes me feel better.. But what i really need is for you to hold me through this cold weather. I'm feeling alone and I just want to feel comfortable within my own bones. I love you and when i say it is true. But I'm not your image of perfection and you think I'm just someone you can mess with. Use me for what i have then throw me to the curb, but listen here you little nerd. I don't have much and i only use my heart for love. You think you can play me haha . wow that sleighs me. I really wish we could have worked out but, all these people keep running their mouths . And its hard for me to know whats true , especially if it has to do with you. I hated you For two years so sorry if i don't shed any tears. You're such a great friend.. but hearts you cant to mend. talking to you calms me down. And hugs from you is like catching me before i hit the ground.... That didn't make seance but when your in love nothing has to, hence....The term "Love is blind". And i must be out of my mind to keep thinking of you.. Some one who chooses girls right out the blue.. You led me to think i was special , and I believed because i live it what seems like a hell hole. It's really not ,But i always seem lost. I'm so naive . I can see how I'm easy to decisive. A child at heart who never learned where love should start.. Do i rush into it or do i take it slow... Hopefully one day i will know. Things with you felt so right but it went to fast so i didn't know how to act. Maybe I'm not meant for love...God I really miss your hugs..

Hahaha , Here's the thing we started off friends. Just Kidding It started with me hating you , and you liking me. Now I like you and don't know what to do. Wait until school is to long , I want to be in your arms i want to hear your voice. I want to know everything good and bad , I want You to be the relationship I have that last. I will Fight, don't get me wrong but I might take a break despite....Despite what the other people might tell me. These statuses i make get me no where but i don't care. I say what i mean and mean what i say. I'm a girl who will never throw a heart away. Everything that happens to me i keep as a lesson hoping I never make a bad impression. Speaking My emotions is never something i could do, no matter who I'm writing to. Never had a guy like me so when i say your perfect please don't fight me. My thoughts are coming to an end , hoping my heart you can mend. I'm done with this poem But i hope you can show'em . What they said isn't true and its not a bad thing that i believe in you.

Before i fall to fast kiss me quick but make it last so i can see how badly this will hurt me when you say goodbye. I now see that it will **** me. Your touch makes me melt. Your kiss makes the world stop. So when you truely say goodbye my world will spin out of control and then what will i do. They say dont wear your heart on your sleve. I keep mine is safe locked and protected by ten foot walls. There are always the people who manage to climb it though. You were one of them. How could i be so nieve to just have people be able to climb it and take my heart. This isnt fun anymore GIVE IT BACK! I just want to be happy on my own. BUT NOONE WILL LET ME! Stop. stop stop stop stop . STOP! Do not go anyfurther. I want you to drop my heart and climb your **** back over that wall your not wanted here. AND AS FOR YOU CUPID. STOP SHOOTING ME WHEN YOU CLEARLY ARE NO HELP! YOU SEE ME FALL TIME AND TIME AGAIN AND JUST LET ME HIT THE GROUND. Ok im sorry for shouting cupid. And im sorry for shouting at him..but cupid you need to take it easy on those arrows when it comes to me. And he needs to understand how fragile i am. Oh forget. If this is love please don't break me
I'm giving up so just catch me

Unfinished poems left with no return, I lost the muse i need to choose. To write or not to write, that is the question. I open my bool , stare at the blank page , pencil in my hand. The muse is gone and it comes again. I continue to write despite if its good or not. Each word representing me i want to be free. Fly high in the sky when i write i don't have to lie. I'm looking for my muse and i don't want to lose. i stop for a drink and i think. I'm alone. with out my muse , what will i do....pause. I know I'm free. And I found my muse, In me.

Honestly i knew You were done with me. Honestly i don't think you ever cared. Honestly I know you never cared. Honestly i regret meeting you. Honestly you were a mistake. Honestly I was in love with you. Honestly I don't know why. Honestly I fell hard and you didn't bother to catch me. Honestly you were the reason for some of my scars. Honestly you were the worst thing in my life. Honestly you brought out the worst in me. Honestly you reason for leaving was stupid.. Honestly i hoped you wouldn't leave me. Honestly you were the best thing in my life. Honestly you brought out the best in me. Honestly i made some mistakes. Honestly you did too. Honestly you stopped my cutting allot. Honestly i don't know how i feel about you. Honestly....you cared the most. Honestly....I miss you

Eyes,smile, laugh, everything. That is what I love about you. When we got close , I saw the world through your eyes. I saw your likes , dislikes. What made you smile. Who made you smile. That moment when the light hit your eyes and I made you smile....That's the moment I wanted to be with you, but it breaks my heart when I see you falling for her. The way your eyes light up when seeing her. Your dimples show when she makes you smile. She doesn't like you though. And the eyes tell all. So when you found out and I asked if you were okay, Your mouth said yes while your eyes said no. I held you close because I knew you couldn't be alone. I know the feeling of not having someone like or love you back the way you love or like them. All I can do is be there for you and hope one day you will feel the same.

I'm drowning in sea of air the wind it's making me cold but I'm not shivering.I'm having a great time but all I hear are the voices I can't think strait and I don't know what to do no one to talk to no one to hug me no one to love me alone that's all I am alone I can't talk to anyone they can't know the secrets inside my soul I want to be free but your pulling me back and its like an attack.I want to have fun but I can't breath *** I'm choosing to be free but what's Gonna happen to me.that's the thing though I want to be alone but I never really am alone because your always here for me no matter what I can run all I want but I always end up running to you and why is that I don't run from you but take a detour to just delay me running to your arms..I guess I'm saying that no matter how much I want to be alone you your always there.

Its so cold in here and so dark.
We used to be best friends I remember.
We’d play all day and sleep all through the night.
But one day you put me in a box.
I thought we were just moving again which we were….
I just wasn't going with you.
I heard a door slam.
I've been in this eternal darkness since.
I count the days hoping you’ll be back
Its been 4 years.
I'm still in this box.
There's so much dust.
The others just sleep and don’t care.
But i miss you.
I hear the door open.
Then i hear your voice.
My little heart pounds for joy.
I see light and feel warmth.
Its you my best friend again.
But it was only a second.
Then i ended up in a different box…
The door closes and here i am.
In eternal darkness.
Alone.
Again.
Come back soon , old friend.

I don't know how to love. I was never told or showed how to. My house was a war zone and now that dads gone this man is in the house with my mom and I call it home. He's more of a father to me then my actual dad. Food on the table close on my back. And on top of that he loves my mother and she loves him back. He hasn't Done anything wrong they're going on two years and their love is strong. So what is a father? Is it the man who raised me and doesn't make an effort to speak to me. Or the man in the house who treats me like a daughter. They say the First man you love should be your father. I loved my dad but I'm fifteen years old and don't remember what we had. And now there's a boy I like and I can't act right. Where are the boundaries where do I stop. I haven't been loved or had attention in six years. My brother calling me fat and ugly. Ex step-dad use to say dress to impress. But I was ten and dressed to impress me it was simple. So I ask What is a father. I only know rude men. And How do you love cause all i know is how to start a war.

Although you are a friend of mine,
I know nothing of you.
I don't even know what scares you,
and doesn't that seem strange?

You hold a place within my heart,
unusual and unique;
We share shows and favorite scenes,
and still, I know not who you are..

I picture how you think,
picture what drives your ambition.
An intriguing game for me at least,
for the mind is something we can't read.

So for this friendship we possess,
we owe nothing but steady speech exchange..
Perhaps the charm lies in the fact,
that we have nothing to regret yet

Battle in my mind.
Who’s right and who’s wrong?
I just want to sit here and listen to my song.
Nothing bad can happen if I listen to my song of peace.
It makes the world stop and my heart drop, Voices sweet as honey.
Wow, it’s really not funny so don’t sit there and judge me, you’re not perfect.
I know I’m flawed I don’t need you to tell me, all I need is for you to love me.
I’m so tired of arguing with you. So if you could take a moment to stop being rude.
I really need to look in the mirror and a just stop fighting me in this time of need.
We are one so I don’t believe that you think this is fun. This war with me.
I know it’s just a cry for a plea. And you really need me to be there.
I also understand that life is just really unfair, but don’t beat me.
In the end you can’t really defeat me. The self-hatred you have.
I know it’s just because you’re mad at the world, calm.
You’re just a little girl in the hell forsaken world.
A pawn in a war that you’re not meant for.
Sweet little me. Please hear my plea.
Because the war you’re fighting.
Is just between me, and me.

Hes tall dark and handsome…
I’m totally kidding tall dark and handsome just way too mainstream for me.
Although he is tall.
Your typical dorky guy.
Glasses , you know not much of a looker , but a nice guy.
I like him for who he is not what he looks like.
Hes funny and awkward.
I find it cute.
My friends question why i like him and its because i don't look at looks.
He has a great personality and i love talking to him .
when his hair grows out he has this curly hair.
He also has dark brown eyes.
His dimples are the size of moon craters.
And his body size is slim.
Like jack from nightmare before Christmas.
Now I Know what love looks like.
And I'm only in the ninth grade.
This boy….Is my idiot in tin foil.