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Autumn Noire May 18
I think I’ve fallen out of love
With you, more like new you.
I miss the honeymoon phase where things were good
And no wrong could be done
But four years down the road and no fights have been won
Just each time you snip or snap it takes me back
Further and further from you
But we’re four years in what am I supposed to do.
I feel in debted to you in mind body and soul.
Four years of intertwining meticulously we’ve our web to make it one.
The first years were fun
It’s like a really big rollercoaster but all it does now is go down
Down down into the ground never ending with spirals
When we met there was such a bright ligh in your eyes but everyday now it’s like it’s died
I don’t see you , just the shell that you’ve be come
From let down after let down
I’ve tried to be the light to help guide you
And at first you brushed my flame making it bigger along the way
But you’re out of breath
Or I’m out of wax
I think I may have burnt to bright for you from the start and my wax isn’t forever
And your breaths are getting more shallow.
As if both of our purposes have been forgotten
Or more so they have evolved
But even though your geek squad this isn’t technology you can figure out.
People are made of behaviors and each one can be altered and it seems we no longer fit…
Like we did.
And maybe that’s on me
But to me it feels like it’s on you
What am I to do…
To utter these words to you what good would it do for either of us.
Autumn Noire Mar 19
To the next man to love my mother, just know
She is a force to be reckoned with
She’s the type of woman who with take the clothes off her back to put it in yours.
If you should love my mother
Her kids are her strongest fighters
No home ever feels right unless she’s in it
To love my mother is a whirlwind.
No moment ever to dull
No moment is ever long enough
To love my mother is to love the things life can’t offer
To love my mother is accepting the luggage she works so hard to lighten.
To love my mother is to love every scar inside and out
To the next man that loves my mother
Keep her safe, to wrong her is to lose a light
Her kids may be grown but they will forever be little in her heart
To fall in love with my mother, is to love her kids.
We will always have a key to her heart and home.
To ever hurt my mother is to hurt yourself
You may stop loving her , but no one will love as hard as she does.
To the next man my mother loves, cherish her.
She is not someone easily replaced.
To the next man that loves my mother.
I hope you fall, because my mother is pure love.
Autumn Noire Aug 2019
How selfish of me having someone new.
Yet some nights I sit craving you .
Selfish of me for leaving you
For the same reasons she ended up loving  about you
I hate the pain I feel from your happiness because before I knew I was in perfect bliss
How good it felt to think I was the only one who could ever love you yet I chose not too
I would keep telling myself our paths would cross again but then my new man came in
And I thought I had it all
It’s selfish that I though he would spend all his life waiting for me
And I thought leaving would make me feel free
But now I’m back to being unsure about who I’m meant to be
You are loved and now married
soon you may start creating you’re own little family
and I can’t help but think all of that should’ve been with me .
The nerve I have in me to feel entitled
The selfishness in me for loving two
For the longest time I didn’t know what to do but now your ship has sailed
And I’m hoping my new relationship doesn’t fail
And for you I hope marriage does you well
Autumn Noire Apr 2019
You were my best friend
Why did it all have to end
Was it because I'm a girl
And when Dad left it made you think
You were a man
I wish I could turn back time
And we could play again
Come to think of it
Growing up with you
You were my only friend
There were times when it felt nostalgic
We would do things that for miss
Was like committing a crime
But to us we were just having a good time like any siblings we'd fight
And at the end of the day
It didn't matter who was right
Although as we got older
You got new lanes in crime
And so did i and that was fine
Yet when I got trapped in my head
I could have used my big brother
But I guess, you couldn't be bothered
I miss how we were
Autumn Noire Apr 2019
I loved you before I ever loved myself
Being with you made me feel like I didn't need help
You so quickly turned into my home
But you just as quick you left me alone
Trapped inside my mind
I'm not even sure how I survived
I have you two years and you left me
High and dry
I was so tightly wrapped around your finger
Because you were my guy
And all the **** you put me through
Made me want to cry
I gave you myall
and you just watched me fall
And when u tried to move on
Sure enough you'd give me a call
But not I know to you
I was just a *** doll
At one point I truly loved you
But time proved you were a *******
After all
Cheating lying *******
Autumn Noire Apr 2019
Dear father
I have a question
Why have kids and get married
Growing up with you was scary
I was taught from the start
I'm order to survive
It's best to have no heart
You always said
Mom was your only friend
If that was true
Why was our house a war zone
That place was never my home
And it all started with you
And that why I've never felt whole
I crave love from men just like you
And in the past they've been just as big of fools
Time and Time again
I search for things that connect me to you
But that ***** for suckers
I no longer crave got the attention you'd get from father's
And now I no longer feel like a goner
Dead beat dad didn't even try
Autumn Noire Apr 2019
You were supposed to nurture me
Make sure I was well taken care of
In ever aspect of my life
Yes my belly was full
And I was kept warm
But with each passing day
Inside me grew a storm
A child who had to raise herself
On her own
They was no nurture only nature
Force to adapt in order to survive
And all I knew is I was dead inside
And new issues rose
My life a lie
And with that knowledge I spend most time high
So I may forget how much I wanna die
And know I wonder why
I even fight to stay alive
Youngest of three just trying to act like I'm fine
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