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Autumn Noire Aug 2019
How selfish of me having someone new.
Yet some nights I sit craving you .
Selfish of me for leaving you
For the same reasons she ended up loving  about you
I hate the pain I feel from your happiness because before I knew I was in perfect bliss
How good it felt to think I was the only one who could ever love you yet I chose not too
I would keep telling myself our paths would cross again but then my new man came in
And I thought I had it all
It’s selfish that I though he would spend all his life waiting for me
And I thought leaving would make me feel free
But now I’m back to being unsure about who I’m meant to be
You are loved and now married
soon you may start creating you’re own little family
and I can’t help but think all of that should’ve been with me .
The nerve I have in me to feel entitled
The selfishness in me for loving two
For the longest time I didn’t know what to do but now your ship has sailed
And I’m hoping my new relationship doesn’t fail
And for you I hope marriage does you well
Autumn Noire Apr 2019
You were my best friend
Why did it all have to end
Was it because I'm a girl
And when Dad left it made you think
You were a man
I wish I could turn back time
And we could play again
Come to think of it
Growing up with you
You were my only friend
There were times when it felt nostalgic
We would do things that for miss
Was like committing a crime
But to us we were just having a good time like any siblings we'd fight
And at the end of the day
It didn't matter who was right
Although as we got older
You got new lanes in crime
And so did i and that was fine
Yet when I got trapped in my head
I could have used my big brother
But I guess, you couldn't be bothered
I miss how we were
Autumn Noire Apr 2019
I loved you before I ever loved myself
Being with you made me feel like I didn't need help
You so quickly turned into my home
But you just as quick you left me alone
Trapped inside my mind
I'm not even sure how I survived
I have you two years and you left me
High and dry
I was so tightly wrapped around your finger
Because you were my guy
And all the **** you put me through
Made me want to cry
I gave you myall
and you just watched me fall
And when u tried to move on
Sure enough you'd give me a call
But not I know to you
I was just a *** doll
At one point I truly loved you
But time proved you were a *******
After all
Cheating lying *******
Autumn Noire Apr 2019
Dear father
I have a question
Why have kids and get married
Growing up with you was scary
I was taught from the start
I'm order to survive
It's best to have no heart
You always said
Mom was your only friend
If that was true
Why was our house a war zone
That place was never my home
And it all started with you
And that why I've never felt whole
I crave love from men just like you
And in the past they've been just as big of fools
Time and Time again
I search for things that connect me to you
But that ***** for suckers
I no longer crave got the attention you'd get from father's
And now I no longer feel like a goner
Dead beat dad didn't even try
Autumn Noire Apr 2019
You were supposed to nurture me
Make sure I was well taken care of
In ever aspect of my life
Yes my belly was full
And I was kept warm
But with each passing day
Inside me grew a storm
A child who had to raise herself
On her own
They was no nurture only nature
Force to adapt in order to survive
And all I knew is I was dead inside
And new issues rose
My life a lie
And with that knowledge I spend most time high
So I may forget how much I wanna die
And know I wonder why
I even fight to stay alive
Youngest of three just trying to act like I'm fine
Autumn Noire Apr 2019
Ready closely
For these words I write
Will take you on the journey
Of my life
Autumn Noire Jan 2019
You want to hear about heart break
I spent two whole years making mistakes
Letting you walk over me
Making me believe that there was something
Wrong with me
I gave my all
And you let me fall
I wish I could take it back
I would tell myself drop him
It'll never last
Thought I was so lucky
How stupid to think you were the one
This was all supposed to be fun
I helped you in ways no young girl would think to
Stuck my neck out for you
And you smashed my heart
Like it was nothing new
Played me like your games
Knew exactly what buttons to press
And then you got bored and left me a mess
I tried so hard to pick up my pieces
For awhile I refused to believe it
How in the hell could I just leave this
This thing I thought was love
But love doesn't break you
Or play you like a game
Love doesn't cheat and lie
By saying it wont happen again
Love does not just stop in the middle of the sentence
You were not love
You were lust in every sense of the word
And I'm glad that were done cause I'm a survivor
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