I don't know why I think about what I'm going to say next. It's like I have to entertain her constantly. Why do I think that way? Is that really what she requires? A court jester? A man who can carry any conversation, no matter how long it takes? I never feel as if I can keep them happy. But is that what I'm supposed to do? Make them happy all the time?

I don't know if I can go through this again. I don't know if I can trust him. It's happened so many times. I used to think my nerves were exciting. Now I dread them. It's as if I'm expecting him to be a failure. Why am I so pessimistic about it all the time? I have to stop thinking about it being the greatest love affair of my life; the last man I will ever love. How can anybody have a conversation like that?

The sun could only wave goodbye. It was once a rite of passage; they watched me and then made love without a thought of tomorrow. Now forever or nothing is all they can think about. And yet they think it's only about hope that will never be true. All this and they don't even know each other yet. Yes, I will return. I always do. But they don't know me anymore. They don't know how to love anyone or trust themselves. How did this happen?

Let’s look at it together she said
But don’t look because you are lonely
That's what he was thinking

Now she realized she doesn’t want integration
Just a partner
That’s different than a relationship of the soul
It meant she was a person
Not a woman trying too hard to convince him to love her

She thought back on her life
She once was fully immersed
Her mind was inside the mind of being a couple
That was where love came to live
But he walked in and out of love
Or so she thought
But he was there all along

She wanted to talk about tonight
He was still thinking about this morning
She just had to know
What do you want to do?
He couldn’t answer the question
There was no need
So she walked away

How did they meet
The times of their mind together
Living in a state of being without
And a state of being what they weren’t
Meeting like this
Without a good reason
Except ***
It went from there

Now she was one
She needed it to feel like that
But he never thought about life
He wouldn’t for at least five more years
And there was nothing she could do to change him

It was a gap
They call it schismogenesis
Or maybe it should be called relationship paralysis
Scientists study it all the time
And talk about it
With other people
And each other
But not her
Or him
She just wanted chemistry
And karma
He was just living
The gap was so far
That’s why she didn’t see him in their mind
It was just so far to the other side

She remembered him
He taught her a few things about expectations
She hated that it took so long
Even worse was that she had to accept it
But everyone has opinions
She wanted hers to be his

It was as if she had to become a man
A young man
She wanted to know that freedom
The blankness
Not needing to be pretty
Just brooding
Or maybe stoic without vanity

She wondered if she would live long enough to change one more time

She had been a young girl
Then a young man
When would she become a wise person
How long would it take

The scientists tried to reach her
But she didn’t know they existed
Or where
Or that they could describe the gap
Or that there was that name for it
It sounded so deep
But so distant
She didn’t want to feel like she had an affliction
But how do you describe the failure of love
Was it like a poem
Or a study

She was the guinea pig
Or  maybe he  was
But they both were

She was embarrassed by all of it
Nobody died
How did it get so deep
The sharing of one mind

Killed by dinner plans

Did you say it again?
How many are you up to?
Not the words you say
But the men trying to love you

You don't have to say it
Don't give it away so easy
I'm still alive and it's not over
Pretending is not living freely

Don't give it away
Some words mean more left unsaid
It's not time yet
Time lives forever
You think love may be left for dead
But not for me and you
We are never ending
Love is life and life is your heart
And not something else instead

The distance between us is far
You think comfort is another man’s charms
But your soul is not asking for that
Dreams don’t live in somebody else’s arms

Don't give it away
Some words mean more left unsaid
It's not time yet
Time lives forever
You think love may be left for dead
But not for me and you
We are never ending
Love is life and life is our heart
And not something else instead

Once I walked the rim
The silence broken by a bell
I could hear it clearly though it was beyond my reach
A sailboat with three masts
Idly part of my horizon

The sails I cannot trim
But the story I can tell
The feeling of a quiet moment with its intent to teach
You know because it lasts
Without any reason

I walk where I’ve been
By listening to a shell
Laying alone washed ashore on a shadowed beach
A life with two pasts
But which to believe in

You believe in him
And now I believe in hell
I can only remember you telling me not to preach
We became two paths
Yours sin, mine religion

Like me
What is like me
She thought about waiting

Like me
Who is like me
She thought of someone else

Like me
Am I really like that
Distant in my thoughts
Close to my past
Like me
Ready for tomorrow
Ashamed of weakness
Defiant in desire
For love

Like me
Will someone like me

Because I'm like me

The expanse of sand in the desert
Like mortar between bricks
Except the bricks are the people
Desolate but vital
The evolution of understanding
But for a man whose life changed without warning
It is the distance between meaning
And existence that is now most clear to him
Within every grain of sand is a reminder
Of a happier time
When sleep was meant for rejuvenation
And not for despairing
When a new day was for happiness
And not desperation
There is no turning back as every direction is now the same
The crossing is only about movement
For lessons have already been learned
It is now a time for steel to be bent
For our nature is always the same
And if we must live with it then we must suffer because of it
But would you wait to feel the peace you have now
Would you wait until it is gone
For the relief you would feel is upon you
It is inside you
Now
Enough to dance upon the roof of a car
Or quietly read with your child
Sweet relief
Sweet blessings
Unless you must cross the expanse to find it again
And while you remember that you once had it
It will not be until you walk on glass
Glass that does not cut but instead marks time
From here to there
Sand that becomes a liquid
Liquid that becomes glass
Glass that reflects the past
And reveals the future
And upon it you must walk
And through it you must pass
Until the time comes that your nature has changed
And your own forgiveness has been accepted
By you

The steps never seem to end
What I see is always there
I can’t quite seem to get it
It doesn’t like to play fair

The usual place for originality
A willing mind and brown walls
You can become a slave to it
A revelation that always calls

It’s been so long
But you began yesterday
Never again
Always the same
You hear the song for you
It’s the only way

She isn’t what you thought
You can’t right your wrongs
It never gets you quite there
Different faces but who belongs

How many faces do you see
As many as see you
Who should look first
The brave ones are few

It’s been so long
But you began yesterday
Never again
Always the same
You hear the song for you
It’s the only way

Words, never uttered
Not in the way they were meant to be spoken
To live honorably, an honest life
Full of dignity and promises unbroken
Instead, lost moments
Years of pursuing what my flesh would desire
Empathy, only a hint
Swallowed by nights with my mind on fire
Left behind, the past weeps
But it embraces my children beyond its duty
Cleanliness, a robe to wear
Is in the hearts of those who now define beauty
I see poverty, my eyes drawn to them
Touching the souls of those life treats as a sin
They are alive, breathing among us
Their pain is the path where humility will begin

She didn’t want him to know
She fell in love once before
She thought he was the one
Now it’s over
But she's not ready to close the door

She lost her heart
She wants to write about it
But her new man can’t understand
He thinks she’s still in love
It's something she can't admit

She’s trying to be hard
But that’s not what life's about
She can’t deny her past
Or how it made her grow
She’s just being honest
But it’s making him doubt

She decided not to think about it
She had to pretend
But a dream can't be controlled
And the past can never be forgotten
She wonders if her heart will ever mend

She’s trying to lower her guard
Sometimes life won’t let the tears out
She hopes her feelings don’t last
She's trying not to let it show
But she needs to be honest
Even if he decides to walk out

I need someone with all the nerve of New Orleans
Wearing pants in church and a dress at the beach
A cigarette before work but only a smile when she drinks
There’s always two sides to her and I’ll take one of each

I know she would make love to my best friend
Her pride is as long as the memory she’s trying to forget
She told me she wasn’t going to be easy anymore
I had my chance once so I have to act like we just met

I know you
I know how it can be
You’re always around
But love to you isn’t something for free

That jazz piano from 1942 was singing about you
You’d live with a man you knew you’d never marry
It was better drinking with someone only you could hurt
You ignore fate because you know what it is already

You know me
You know how it can be
I’m always going to be around
Love to me is a girl in a dress walking by the sea

I wondered what I might give for something
someone else dreams of at night; I’d rather know
what makes them think that way and not read
about the dark forces they believed to be real

There is a calm about the flour that covered the
baker; he is a man who has a craft, and whatever
he believes is in his hands; no matter if the story
was written last night or five hundred years ago

He is a part of the walls we pass each day; we
summon a smile for the moments he provides,
but he is the life, the life I want to know because
he does not wear a cape or walk with head bowed

Whatever they summon is made of candles, delusion
and the heart of a mushroom; what we read
comes alive in our minds because  the book is faded;
yet another language can seem just as mysterious

I wonder if worry drove them to this madness; I feel
the power that uncertainty  has in my life; it controls
the grandeur of my dreams for they are attached to the
solutions conspired against by my own weaknesses

But who can reshape the future yet live in poverty and
anonymity; it is the patron who believes in an idea
that can change the world; or maybe they just steal
the idea and pay someone else to write the myth

Would it make a difference if I could called it quicksilver
or mercury; probably not if we were dancing or if you
were crying; none of it mattered to them because what
their graves reveal is that we still don’t know how the feel

Nobody expects anything more than their own gifts can
deliver; the only one that matters is that it matters that
much; everything else is for an observer of life who wonders
why he is so ordinary and sunlight beneath the sea is not

I have not abandoned you Lord
But unworthiness is a desert without mercy
It is how I live my life now
Yet what you planted within me remains healthy

There is room in my heart for learning
Tell me where to begin no matter north or south
What language should I speak
For what is holy is beyond the grasp of my mouth

I have only found within my nature
The drive to inscribe my pleas into the public domain
And into my mind has been revealed
A way to avert my eyes while I confess to you my pain

I never heard a word from you
But what I am feeling is as powerful as love lost
What lingers though is my conscience
And I will rebuild myself no matter the cost

The tree of life
We search for it
But first we must find the garden

What we seek
Is not a myth
Except in hearts that can only harden

Stripped of bark
By my own hand
My roots dig deep seeking their pardon

Birds find a branch
But it is only time passing
They always leave when skies darken

The wind blows
It chooses my direction
There is no reason in my life’s burden

Though the rain pours
The soil softens below
As you remember how to grow once again

You never forgot what was lovely
What is a memory anyway
If you can walk as it is happening
Then what you forget
Awaits for you tomorrow
You remembered how to love
Nobody taught you that
Because a feeling is life itself
There are no more lessons
No more reasons to defend
You did what you had to do
And then you left it all with me

I hate what it is doing to us
The closer we get the hotter it becomes
The top of the mountain
Where freedom is promised
Continues to grow taller
While the path that leads us burns at our feet

I could drink it all away
But the path grabbed the bottle from my hand
It was my commitment
And yours too
We were friends because of the path
And now we can’t even talk about it

There is nothing left between us
They killed it with money
I love you as a brother
But the enterprise wins again
Like it always does
Because businessmen are not farmers

We felt the connection between us
The words and the music
And our fathers who were made in heaven
I can only speak to you in a dream now
Because you are as afraid as I am
We gave them our souls

You think of an idea
But somebody already invented love
Still, you already know it’s not a single thing
It’s a flock
A swarm
And that is why you feel it so deeply

But it’s easier to love nature
Though it changes it’s still the same
Waiting for you as you remembered it
You can watch it
Walk in it
The inner world is yours to keep

Until you have the courage
You will never make your world permanent
Whether you change it or keep it
Make it happen
Become what it is
Even a fantasy is better than fear

The simple sound of who you are
It’s not disappointment, it’s possibility
You worked at being someone else
While the ocean lay flat
And a tree fell
But love knows the direction home

It's already lost
Just raise your kids
It doesn't matter what they say
Unless history smiles at you this time
All they can do is move your feelings around
What's that done for you lately?
Try to love like you mean it
Somebody else's new right is not a crime

I wonder about it
How much am I worth
Am I worth so much to be a coward?
Is it more valuable to be a coward
Or a dead man

I need to be baptized
But it has to be by John the Baptist
Not just anybody
Unless it's really only about me
And God's plan

If I saw enough killing
And horror
Maybe I'd become what I saw
Maybe I'd even laugh about dying
And not cry about why it began

It's not about being human
Not anymore
If I can't **** the enemy
How could I live with myself
The way my flag says I can?

I walked away
From a time and a place
You moved on
And tried to leave me no trace

But I can’t pretend
It’s your tracks I’m following
I can’t pretend
It’s the past I’m still swallowing

Letting her go
I knew it wouldn’t be easy
Now I know
She’s not the only one who’s crazy
Time said no
The days stopped trying to please me
You said so
I realized how lonely life can be

I came to say
How we learn when it’s too late
You said I’m wrong
I’m just not accepting our fate

I can’t pretend
It’s the past I’m still following
I can’t pretend
It’s your memory I’m still swallowing

Letting you go
I knew it wouldn’t be easy
Now I know
She’s not the only one who’s crazy
Time said no
The days stopped trying to please me
You said so
I realized how lonely I can be

We are all touched
By each hand
Good
Evil
Believing
Not believing

Always a choice

Merciful
Unmerciful

Always a choice

each demon exists inside of us
growing out of its mouth
arms made of serpents
fingers made of ivy
finger nails made of lace
softly caressing us
so we can’t tell the difference
seascapes upon our minds
like sand pulling away from our feet
as we walk close to the surf
happy feelings
until they’re not
so we wait until the sun sets
and walk away from the surf
but not too far
just far enough to find cool dry sand
and we are alone now
thinking of someone
maybe we know them
maybe we want to know them
they were somewhere
out there

Or did we just imagine all of it?

We all hear voices
Some call them thoughts
Others hear things like God
It’s so different to them
There’s no way to tell us
Nobody believes them
So they die on the inside
And forget how to smile
They master anxiety with surrealistic disguises
No place left to go

“what type of hat?”
“what type of cloth?”
“flowing?”
“yes, flowing”

Who cares, we think

There’s always someone who does
How many times though do they care enough?
What does that even mean anyway?
Care enough
Enough for what?
For the sand to cool?

And then there’s tomorrow

To live
To die

But is that a choice?

I won’t choose to live or die
I will see what happens

Just like this morning

Listening to someone lie to me
Listening to someone trying to make me feel wrong
I’m not wrong
I have an opinion and I know why
The difference is my opinion speaks freely
Their opinion is an order from someone else
It’s how they are paid to think

I’m just paid to do

But I’m not wrong
I just live a certain way
But who did I hurt today?

Only myself

That's ok
I mean, what difference does that make?
It's just me
It's me stuffing snakes, ivy and lace back down my throat
Invisible snakes
But I know they are there

Just like yours
Except you are too afraid to discuss it

You just want to be paid
Don't you?

How can we forget who died trying to make us equal
Somebody said it’s up to you to make it happen
But you don’t know what you would do laying in your crib
Would you make mud out of dirt floors in your mansion?

It wasn’t a made-up soul standing on the corner
Though you thought he was dead in his mother’s womb
She gave birth in a world that didn’t want him to live
But the song he once sang echoes in our own tomb

The voices of the past continue to haunt our thoughts
Yet the dead remain mute leaving us with our own cries
We read their words and wait for a stillborn prophecy’s birth
As the day ends the sun laughs through sacrificial eyes

The floor rises as each page is ripped from the book of life
Who watches while I decide between penance or desires?
What piper would play two songs when only one can be heard?
We await the answer hoping it's the one our heart requires

I found faith standing next to ridicule
And hope standing next to despair
It was up to me to choose
But the power of my own weakness
Made me think of nothing but confusion
Yet without the possibility of belief
Or of doubt
How could I know the difference between life and death?

do not want
what a possession
is
to another

beyond
comfort
what else is there

do not want
but for need

what could we want
that is possessed
by
another

for what you possess
is not for sale
it is only to discover

if you will only look

I don't mind waiting for love
It's worth the time spent alone
But am I instead resistant?
Is there a reason to be free
Or a reason for commitment?
Yet I would give an hour
In return for an instant
If I thought that a moment
Was what love was about
And that time passing
Is how magic is made
No matter how long or distant

What are tears
What is anger
What is joy
What is it

Dare we make the trade
From one feeling to another
Dare we take a break
From horror to happiness

Everything is fleeting

Take time to care
Take time to share
Take time to smile

You have that right

I desire peace
but it is knowledge that I prefer
and I will accept pain
if it is truth that I will acquire

I desire love
but it is loyalty standing next to you
and I will be your witness
even if only I know what is true

I desire pleasure
but I will trade honesty for passion
and I will be your friend
instead of you being my possession

I desire beauty
but what I see can wait a little longer
and I will show you patience
instead of pretending to love a stranger

I never did see it coming
It was as if she had no mother or father
Like dew that only lives in the morning
Or the tears she tried to deny
Our life together never felt like water rushing

I never did know you were leaving
It was as if I had no future or past
Like a sunset is only for wishing
Or how sorrow can only say goodbye
Our love was only what we were missing

I never did know you were crying
It was as if I had no mind or heart
Like an old man forgetting
Or yesterday’s blue sky
Our love was gone before I started trying

I never thought I’d stop living
It’s as if I died or just gave up
Like polite elevator conversing
Or closing the door alone at night
Our love is now just me remembering

The myth comes alive without asking for any help
It doesn’t care if it’s real or not, only that you believe
We steal from the dead, they can’t defend themselves
The only difference between us is that we can still breathe

I once carried a flower in my hand with no intention
And stared at a painting wondering if it made him cry
The strangest moments give a memory a long life
But the last time I smiled I couldn’t remember why

I’ve never made someone up in my life, only their feelings
I didn’t know it at the time because I thought it was true
The only thing I know about a walk on scattered sea shells
It’s the best place to narrow my feelings down to a few

I can’t decide if I should fly across the ocean again
I know everything about them, they’re only human
It’s not what they believe or why they  believe it, but
Maybe a different language makes a different woman

Being so far apart gives the smoke a chance to settle
It’s as if being weird is normal instead of like it is here
The sun sets and rises at the same time for two people
Like a life of laughing and crying both far and near

Don’t tell me what you know unless it made you bleed
All the rest was something you read or left behind
I could walk past you again but I’d rather get involved
Tell me what you see in me, I need to know what you find

a moment is for a breath
still you gasp
a year is for improvement
still you are unsatisfied
a life is for salvation
still you worry

you must stop waiting
it is time
you must stop asking
you know
you must stop despairing
begin believing

you only hear their criticism
still you listen
you cannot feel how you grow
still you deny yourself
you can only see your flaws
still you look

you must begin to see the distance
you have traveled
you must begin to see the pain
you have overcome
you must begin to see the love
you receive from God

It never ends It never changes
But we do
The clouds And the moon
Reflections
So Bright But so needy
Just Like us

Above it all For once in my life
but nervous
not Like a Fish in the ocean
Floating
Deep But always so alone
just like Me

Nothing can be done Nothing at all
But wait
a mirror extended End to end
Silent
But So true So hurtful So real
Just like you

Uninvited though I may be
The butterflies were not to be led astray
Dancing upon low-cut flowers
They knew to avoid my footsteps
Their work was of far greater importance
My presence was of no consequence

My heart sheathed no sword
The sun baptized my bare skin
As I continued forward in silence
Solitude granted me clear conscience
For in nature vanity is not the soul of flowers
And wealth is not the seed for its life

It is in my word that I find what is left of me
Though temptation remains like a rusty nail
Holding fast with memories of the initial blow
Foolish and incomplete thoughts mark each step
But a man alone without a judge can see
As stones never to be thrown guide his way

Believing only if it saves himself
That is how a man must learn

To find a gentle heart
He looks to others
For his is too heavy to bear
And too troubled to forgive

Not believing in the pain in others
But only in themselves
Believing that another man should not be afraid
While harboring their own fears in the dark
Not believing a man has a breaking point
But knowing they are near to their own

Dreaming then becoming
Surviving then regretting
But should you remember or forget
Having been controlled by everyone
It was their dream after all this time
And not your own

But that a glacier would never melt
Or that a mountain never explode again
The life we live is not long enough for truth
Only for hope and faith

Once they spoke in the dark
Their faces shining by flickering candle light
Still they knew their purpose
And it was not to question the light
But instead to live by it

From so long ago we have read
Was it revealed to man by God
But what have I known of this

Was it because they were so close to living like animals?

But what is deeper or greater in belief
What a man receives for life
Or dreams to save him from himself?

It’s alright my darling
Tears do not make spots
No one will know your feelings

As they dry upon my garment
Only they will know when you fell out of love with me

Living after the final wave
You think it’s a ******* to catch your breath
Then you realize the ocean has its own life
It told me to drown somewhere else

I pulled each thread apart
Looking for signs of our last moment together
Now they lay in a pile on the floor wondering about me
Who would look for the wind where it began after it has already left?

Suddenly it mattered
Though it happened slowly
Like a leaf falling without a breeze
But it finally hit the ground

That is how realization works
You wonder how it started
And what took so long
But one day everything changes

It’s almost like taking up smoking
Adults don’t do that
But some do
It’s because they’re tired
It's time to try something new

But you have no power
Just commitments
And they are in your blood
So now the test begins

Now you’re in a movie
Playing a part
It’s not for love
Though in a way it is

But to be without guard
To think as only in a garden
Is to be without shoes
As you walk down the aisle

It’s almost like praying for forgiveness
But what can you expect
To suppress your nature
When it finally blooms
Is to know how hard it is to be true

You decided to love something
And it became who you are
You know the way home but took a different path
Going alone is for the strong
Or is it the way of the lost
Someone told me it is for those who can only be free

Like every ocean crossed
And every mountain climbed
There’s so much of life worth fighting for
Into our eyes we choose
Either the sun or the night
But what makes a shadow is what blocks the light

It was my past facing the sun
An eclipse of my own doing
I wondered if my mistakes could ever be forgiven
But statues don’t walk away
Shoelaces don’t tie themselves
And even misty morning coffee can’t bring you back to me

Being challenged emotionally
Where is the growth?
Not in you
But in the person who makes you think this way
What are you going to prove anymore
That you can take it?
Day after day?
Year after year?
It's your life
Maybe it's because of money
Or you're afraid of being alone
But you are alone
Alone and still suffering
Why?

If you love someone
Someone who may be gone
Or still with you
Someone who gave you life
Someone who knew the truth about you
And still loved you
Even if you hurt them

If you knew someone
Who made you feel safe
Even in your worst form
And moments
If someone loves you like that
You cannot give tribute with words
There is nothing that is their equal
You cannot describe it
You can only feel it
Because nothing equals sadness
Nothing equals grief
Nothing equals life
Nothing equals that kind of love
Nothing
But them

They made him carry a cross
They whipped him until he bled
Why would a God allow
What no man can endure
And as he fell once again
His neighbor remembered what he said

They nailed his feet without mercy
And then his hands
He cried out to save them
They know not what they do
It was greater than loaves and fishes
Forgiveness they could never understand

They lanced his side
Though he was already dead
When water poured out
They filled their cups
And before they could drink of it
They saw that the water was red

The took him down
And divided his clothes
What did they do with the cross
Did they burn it
Or build a church
I wonder if anybody knows

The placed him in a tomb
And sealed it with a stone
He said destroy this temple
And in three days I will rise it up
They saw it with their own eyes
Still no man was able to atone

The stone invited them in
The angels told them the news
He has risen
And when he returned
He showed them his hands
And said, this church is built upon you

To write in such a way
That you hear music
Without sound
See my breath
Without frost in the air
Feel my heartbeat
From afar
Is not as difficult
As to make you believe
That words as intentions
Are the same as actions
To come
But I will continue
Until you know what I say is true
And that what I am building
Is a bridge between caution and longing
From the songs that I hear
And the breath that I see
And the heartbeat that I feel
From you

To so many it is surreal and dream-like; say it out loud,
they nailed him to a cross; an overwhelming reality too
cruel to believe

Reminded of nothing but what passed their lips into
your ears, the inquisitors, blessed by a past regarded
as their own holy ground asked, “How many prophets
have you met?”

It was enough to know who Satan should truly fear;
those who would never cry, who would have no reaction
to anything except the atrocity of someone who knew
them well

They say walk a mile in another man’s shoes but why
must we walk so far; isn’t his breath alone enough to
know of the scars in his hands and feet?

It seems that life gives others too many chances; they
hurt so many others and expect to be forgiven; but I
have not witnessed their punishment; it is the pattern
sewn by my bitterness

Is it God’s plan to reveal how and when they will be
driven into the desert of lament and sorrow; or even
if he already has, with burning sands beneath their
unrepenting feet, is it any of my concern?

The clock will strike on his time; the test is not only
in bearing my own pain but also in my discomfort
with God’s random will; random to mankind, but
not to God; he chose the time for the storm to wash
away those who preach what they do not know

The one who stirs hate in my heart suffers more than
I will ever know; his conscience burns deep into the
heart I once believed failed him; and when he comes
to me to witness my refusals will he ask then if God
gave me the power to part the sea?

I was given a hammer and some nails; was it to build
a home or to **** a man? I was given a pile of stones;
was it to build a home or to judge another man?

What did God ask of me; tell me what he said for
the dream was such a nightmare that I awoke in
horror at the sight of such unworthiness

To lower your gaze and be the truth; the truth that
only humility knows, not to be hurt once again but
to show how forgiveness is greater than anything
you have been promised?

And as you walk in fear towards an image beyond a
cross you cannot believe is real, will the worthiness of
the forgiver be enough for you to know that the shoes
you wear are not strong enough to hold another man’s
suffering in its sole?

I don't want anyone reading this to develop an assumption about me but I admire the man you know? So I conducted an "interview" to see if I get it.....  Actually the person conducting the interview is not what I would necessarily ask or how I would behave. Instead it is an imaginary person who at times asks questions that reveal his own biases and brainwashed mind.

Jesus, why do I carry a hammer and a nail?
     It is easier to judge than to forgive
Jesus, why do I need you to speak for me?
     My father wants you to live
Jesus, why can I not turn the other cheek?
     You only know how to cause pain
Jesus, how should I live my life?
     Providing shelter to the poor is your aim
Jesus, should I become a rich man?
     Whose life do you wish to mimic?
Jesus, am I bound by the old law?
     The laws are the notes; listen to the music
Jesus, why did you have to die on the cross?
     To demonstrate the cruelty in the world
Jesus, why didn't you save yourself?
     So my father's glory would be unfurled
Jesus, why were you not covered in gold?
     Earthly riches separate mankind from one another
Jesus, why did you accept a sinner?
     Have you ever met anything other?
Jesus, why did you stop the stoning?
     To bring your sin into view
Jesus, why did you tell her to sin no more?
     She is no different than you
Jesus, should we punish others for their sins?
     Why does this concern you so?
Jesus, there are so many bad people
     Your own heart is all you really know
Jesus, shouldn't we fight evil?
     Who made them that way?
Jesus, God has blessed our country!
     There are no borders that keep God away
Jesus, we have to **** the enemy
     Blessed are the peacemakers
Jesus, they want to **** us!
     Are you the money changers?
Jesus, how can a country be moral?
     It all starts with you
Jesus, I'm just one person
     There are others waiting too
Jesus, I'm a good person
     Why do you scorn the poor?
Jesus, I work hard for my money
     But what's important, you ignore
Jesus, what's important?
     Loving thy neighbor
Jesus, I do love my neighbor!
     And yet there are so many you abhor
Jesus, I could never be like you
     All I ask is that you try
Jesus, I can't earn my way to heaven
     You must ask or you will die
Jesus, why must I ask?
     Because you have free will
Jesus, give me a sign
     I want to see if you are faithful
Jesus, why do I have to be faithful?
     Because you will not believe your own eyes
Jesus, I promise this time I will
     Mankind only believes the lies
Jesus, why does God love me?
     Do you love your own child?
Jesus, why doesn't he just accept me?
     He does even if you are reviled
Jesus, why does he want my love?
     He is made in your image
Jesus, what does that mean?
     Inside your emotions lives the message
Jesus, isn't life just about science?
     Can you measure love?
Jesus, I only believe what is proven
     Noah only needed a dove
Jesus, everyone thinks you are a myth
     What does your heart say?
Jesus, I am ashamed to bear your name
     Then why do you not turn away?
Jesus, if I believe will there still be pain?
     You were born in pain along with grace
Jesus, did I lose God's grace?
     Your pure heart God did not erase
Jesus, why do I feel so unworthy?
     Because you are finally humbled
Jesus, what is left of me?
     Out of stone love was chiseled
Jesus, I want to go to heaven!
     All who thirst for God will be welcome
Jesus, take me with you!
     *I will lead you to God's kingdom

Walking a straight line
It’s not so easy even with a Bible and love for your children
That’s what they say anyway

But my thoughts are not so still
I can still smell salt near the ocean
My breath quickens in mountain air
And I feel humility in every moment

There are no obstacles I cannot recognize
Because the path is my own
All that is required
Is the strength to overcome my sin

What sound cannot be summoned from within
What memory cannot be recalled at will
But I see you watching me
As I watch you
Your distance is the same as mine
I can only wonder if my journey is the same as yours

Could you that I would with you as I could if you would with me

The confusion of a life constructed to endure
The questions of loyalty to decisions already made
It does not mean I could never love you

It only means I do not know where to begin

We ask of you now
What skill do you possess?
For in the new world
Only giving is progress

We ask only for life
And not self-interest
What will be left behind
Will no longer exist

I am of passage
By air, land or sea
I follow Cassiopeia and Orion
For light from dark is how I see

A mariner by trade
Yes you may come aboard
And by your guidance
We will find our reward

I am of construct
By hammer, saw and nail
Will you know of comfort
Without my talents to avail?

A carpenter by trade
Yes you may come aboard
And by your shelter
We will find our reward

I am of nourishment
I will reach into the sea
By hook, line and sinker
This you will be taught by me

A fisherman by trade
Yes you may come aboard
And by your daily bread
We will find our reward

I am of creation
I bring brush, voice and fifths
By color, words and melody
You will know of your gifts

An artist by trade
Yes you may come aboard
And by your imagination
We will find our reward

I am of healing
And a facilitator of birth
I will reach into my bag
And life I will bring forth

A doctor by trade
Yes you may come aboard
And by your oath
We will find our reward

I am of spirituality
And you will know of no darkness
For the spirit that flows inside
Will remind you of God’s promise

A shaman by trade
Yes you may come aboard
And through your prayers
We will find our reward

But by who's hand will we be guided?
Though it was I who rang the bell of freedom
I shall remain behind while you decide
For no King of the flesh lives in Eden

And with no lawyers to confuse
Or politicians that lie
The dreamer will wave farewell
But his vision will never die

I have more than just flashes of reality
But only when I’m sober

And I know exactly what I’m waiting for

I am your only lover
The only one who really loved you
The only one unafraid to tell a table full of old men
And they would know not to laugh
Or to fantasize about you
At least not in front of me

You are not afraid to fly
Or to live without trying
The wind blows its own way
And that is how you see life
It is God’s will
Time never changes
You have chosen to ignore its effect
And if the plane crashes
You will silently pray for your mothers heart
While our love accepts its fate

You set fire to the roll of film
You wanted to **** it

But I kept a copy just in case

I finally impressed you again
I needed a lucky break
A way past the guards
And it made you angry
Because now you want to kiss me
Still you hesitate
Your lips remind you where they’ve been
How can you make it different this time
Where pleasure is no longer the path away from loneliness

I am your son my father
You have come to me in a dream
You are younger than I can remember
Because I’m not born yet
How can I tell her that what we shared is all there is
That we are meant for one another
And though we cannot behave any other way
What we shared with others we must share again

So many people are watching us
It’s as if we are making a speech about freedom
They want to know if we can find love again

I heard a song from long ago
And it felt like the time I heard it when I was young
It felt the same
But you are so much more
How can we not feel what I felt in the song?

I’ve been waiting all my life for that moment
And then when it was over we looked at each other
Just like you are looking at me now
Wanting me to kiss you
You want it to be my idea

And it is
That is why I tried to impress you

Kiss me my love
It will not be like the last man
It will be what you remember
But tried to forget

We can burn the film together

It's time to make a new one

She was a delicate flower
Wind-blown hair and soft petals for hands
Wheat fields in the summer
Green meadows in the spring
But love planted her in desert sands

She grew beneath glowing embers
Pollinated eyes and soft dark soiled feet
Unafraid to be what she was
Knowing her strength
No matter how many storms she may meet

She was life itself
Though drawn to her every kiss flew away
Drinking the dew of dawn
Watching another sun set
Still she believed in what tomorrow might betray

You said I should count my blessings
That my life was good enough
I have my health
But I want more
There is nothing to live for
If you only live to breathe

It’s not right that others must cry
That life is so hard
For them
And their children
Who could put the misery inside them
If not the one who could conceive

I watched her wish upon a prayer
I became ashamed
I was so angry
Yet she calmed me
I was finally able to see
She knew which words to believe

All you see is darkness
You thought there was no life
But light is unnecessary
Not even to know me

I asked you to get closer
It’s more honest that way
Our bodies are so close
But I want what I cannot see

You may think I’m hiding
Instead I’m beckoning
Like stars standing aside
Or God parting the sea

As long as a moment
As short as a lifetime
My eyelash touching yours
A kiss is what we will be

Did they ask
Did they ask why a cross marks your table?
Did you tell them that on the hill
Those who stood weeping witnessed no fable?

He knows I have a dream
And that it is because of you
But he taught me you are not a piano
To be played only when I choose to

To be risen
To be risen before our eyes
It meant to watch him suffer
It meant to understand why a man dies

He knows of my loneliness
And that it is because of you
But he taught me to accept the reasons
And to understand what I put you through

To speak to an angel
To speak to an angel who reveals the good news
Is to know that his words were true
And it is now up to me to believe or refuse

He knows I am aging quickly
And that it is because of you
But he taught me to believe in my life
Faith must endure what doubt said was true

There is no certainty in grief
There was so much upon which to depend
Now we must learn to live without
And hope part of us rose with our friend

I finally found a pulpit in my heart
My passion for life rings its own bell
I once baptized myself in your water
Now my cup draws from my own well

I wonder about my time
And how it is spent
So much is unseen but felt
How can I know from whom it was sent?

But where does our laughter go
And our times of sadness
Does it scorch our souls
Or vanish into forgetfulness?

It is of no matter
For what is the worth
In the things we measure
If we cannot take them from earth?

I finally became a dreamer
When I learned to see through my own eyes
But you have become restless
With my constant goodbyes

To where I must go
To places only I can see
It holds strong to my life
Because I mistakenly set yours free

As the night covers my mind
I will listen to each song again
While the silent air whispers
Stories of a long lost friend

I know you’re scared
You’re not the only one that feels that way
I don’t want to make life hard for you
But leaving me before we meet is easier for you

It’s as if being lonely is a hobby
You paint slogans on walls that I can’t see
I was hoping to see your green eyes looking at me
But you only chose the caution of yellow lines

Yellow lines
Don't cross them
That's what you said
That's why I left
Because they were really red

I see so much in you
Go ahead blame me for everything he did to you
If that’s how it has to be then I’m willing
I can take anything you want to say

I had to laugh about a hello that was a goodbye
Living life is not something that brings us closer
It seems when I knew nothing I had everything
Now I have to wonder if you ever did

Yellow lines
Don't cross them
That's what you said
That's why I left
Because they were really red