I am aware of the reality of you and me
but I like to believe that in another life we are what we aren't in this one
and I'll never tell you but the spaces between us became so comfortable
I felt like I'd spend my whole life waiting for you to fill them
I've become aquantainces with the truth and I know someday I won't think of you at all
but still sometimes I imagine us, in that alternate universe
the sweetest escape from what I am so painfully aware of

I want to create silence with you
to know your crevices and patterns
your good intentions and bad habits
please be patient with me
I grew up learning to make a fortress out of my fears
to find comfort in inconsistency
I'm sorry if the way I built my walls ever makes it difficult to see
and if you don't want to stay say it now
because I'm starting to feel at home when you sit next to me
I'm not sure of much but I'm sure of you

when my infatuation dims
midnight conversations
fade into radio silence
I'm sorry for making you my muse
you look at me in ways I always wanted someone to
and in another life I'd love you the way I should
my weakness is I've only ever held on to unrequited love
and I'm not sure I know how to let someone stay
consistency intimidates me
maybe heartache is more of a friend than I'd like to admit

I spend my nights in empty bed sheets
swallowing the words words I want to say
because it seems easier than admitting my fear
that no one will ever suit me quite as well as you
I dwell in all of our might've been's
until I'm drunk on all of the things you'll never hear
and my cheeks are stained with faded memories of you

the miles never mattered to you
and I'm aware that the messes I've made have left me with the kind of scars that scare people away
but I told you the way the rain that day seemed to wash them all away
and you always said that storms were your favorite
so you bring the rain
and I'll bring my shame
we can go anywhere as long as it's far from here

to all the worlds inside of me I've tried to hide
for the sake of infatuation
boys like simplicity
so simple I will be
but who am I without my thoughts
who am I without metaphors for love
you want to trace the maps of my skin
without hearing of the places I've been
I refuse to soften myself
for your own indulgement

I seem to bruise every thing I touch
I act on my feelings as if everyone knows what it's like to feel so much you can't think straight
please excuse the messes I make
pure intentions mixed with bad habits
I care about everything and I care about you
I just never learned how to show it without creating chaos