As a kid your parents always tell you not to go in the deep end till you can swim.
But not mine, she threw me in, told me sink or swim.
Oh how I sank like a 90 pound rock.
Oh how I hit the bottom with bone breaking force.
Oh how I tried to scream but was welcomed with lungs full of water.
Oh how she turned her back, to busy to care.

I died that day, the thing that swam up was in fact not me, she began to welcome it with open arms...

Till she shoved it back down too,

I am nothing
I can though, be anything
So then
Use me
Make me anything
What you want
What you need
What you crave
What you desire
What you hate
I crave this
So please, just give me this chance to be something
Anything

Add
But Lose

Subtraction is addition

More is less
Love is hate

Forever is never

Sorry Mommy, I'm not the better daughter
I'm sorry, Daddy, I wasn't what you wanted
I'm sorry I'm not good enough yet
I'm sorry I for everything I never said
I'm sorry I'm a overweight, I'll fix it I swear
I'm sorry I'm cutting, but I need it to keep me sane
I'm sorry I smoke, but it's my replacement for air
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm crying
I'm sorry
There's no point to this
I've already ruined everything
I'm so, so, so sorry
Sorry.
Sorry.
I know it doesn't help.
Sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I can't make up for what I've done.
But I am sorry.
I'm sorry I was born
I know you didn't expect me
I'm sorry I wasn't born a boy
I'm sorry I acted to much like you
I'm sorry I made you hate me
I'm sorry I'm annoying
I'm sorry I'm not perfect
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for everything.
Whatever you don't like about me
I'm sorry it's there
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I cry so much
I'm sorry I'm not pretty
I'm sorry I left
I'm sorry
Sorry.


I'm so sorry
I don't know what else to apologize for
I'm sorry you have to spend money on me
I'm sorry I don't know what to be sorry for
I'm sorry I said I hated you
I'm sorry
I'm so sorry
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I'm not useful yet
I'm sorry I don't make all A's
I'm sorry I don't get math
I'm sorry I don't like science
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry you don't love me.
I'm sorry I want you to.
I'm sorry
I'm so very sorry
I'm sorry I don't call you Mommy anymore
I'm sorry I don't call you Daddy anymore
I'm sorry
I'm sorry you have to be my parents
I'm sorry I'm not good enough
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I know it's not enough

Sorry.

My feet
Are so far away
From my head.
I think that they are
The most fortunate
Piece of my body.
Rarely are they
Punctured
Or stabbed.
Clawed
Or sliced.
They even try
To hold me up
When I'm too dizzy,
Depleted to think.
To bad I hate them,
For they are still
A part of me.

Stop rocking my boat.
Stop shaking me like a salt shaker
Because I am not salt, nor am I in salt water.
Oh bother, Oh geeze, Oh man.
Understand your limits, know your course
Because you are crossing every line.
You are not the cone to my pine.
You are in my space. Placements, statements
So insincere, my dear.

I wish I could grow flowers in your veins so you can at least find a piece of beauty in you.