She opens her eyes
She smiles and looks at the clock
Her left hand reaches out
It touches cold sheets

Her smile becomes frozen
Her hazy vision focuses
She sees the ceiling fan rotating
Round and round and round and round
The machinery never ceasing

She notices the sunbeams
Casting light into the room
She follows it’s rays
Onto the left side of the bed

The king sized bed
Sheets half made
One side warm
The other cold

Her fingers come tightly together
As she looks to her left
Her snowy hair delicately strewn

Her eyes well with tears
The silent streams blur her vision
She looks back at the ceiling fan
And blinks away the salty sadness

She lies for a moment
Watching the machine
Continue… going
Round and round and round and round

Gathering her strength
Then suddenly
She swings her legs over the side
And sits up in one fluid motion

She looks at her feet
Old and swollen

She directs her gaze upward
To the wall in front of her

A bookcase stands
Meeting a wall-bound case of trinkets
Pictures and models of memories sit
Carefully placed on the shelf

She stares at the collage of her life
Then at the blank wall behind it

She stares at the paint
It’s been there so long

She hears the whir of the fan
Going round and round and round

She feels the cold air being blown
Onto her thin, bony shoulders
She stares at the blank, white wall

She hears the clicking of her old dog
Trodding down the hall
As it comes to announce its needs

The dog comes in and sits at her feet
It looks expectantly at her
She doesn’t look at it
She looks at the wall

She stares and stares
Then looks at the clock once more
Only seven minutes have passed
But it feels like an eternity

The dog whines
And pushes its nose under her hand

She looks it in the eyes
She sees it’s pain
And she understands it

She stands to go let the dog out
Her bones creak to remind her:
She is old, and unlike the machinery in her ceiling
No oil can fix her pain
No nut and bolt can add to her purpose
No loosened screws can unload her sadness

Her pain is hers to bear
For she is an old woman
With a good life lived and loved

But now she tiredly watches time go by
Laying in bed, watching the ceiling fan spin

Waiting… dreading the day
She will no longer hear the clicking
Of her dog coming to greet her
With a wagging tail and cloudy eyes

Dreading the day that silence will reign
Except for the whir of the ceiling fan

Dreading the day she will be truly alone

<                              Friend                            (i)
———————————————————
   (Cool! I didn’t know)
   (that you wrote.        )
<(poetry!!!!!!                 )

                                               (Yea, you want)
                                                (to read some?)>

<(YES!!!)

i am a fallen angel

i no longer can fly
my wings reduced to brittle bone

i am burning and freezing
from fire and ice alike

my wings have been scorched by the flames of hate
my heart has been molded to cold solid stone

my head hurts from overthinking
my hands hurt from overdoing

i feel so lonely

i wish i knew if someone truly loved me
the people around me say they do
but its so easy to lie

i feel so broken

chaos fills my thoughts
and spills onto these keys

i feel so worthless

i feel so tired

i feel so sad

'its all inside your own head'
they say
then why do i feel
like the darkness
is surrounding me physically ?

i can't wait to die

i don't want to experience the nothingness
so i choose to believe
but its still scary....

what if, what if
there is nothing after this?
this droning toil ends
and there is nothing to look forward to

but what if, what if
i missed my chance
if there actually is something out there
yet i, a broken being,
am not good enough

i dont think i met the standard
i dont think i will ever get there

im only a fallen angel
why would anyone love me ?

im only a fallen angel
why do i deserve anything ?

The Girl with Hair of Fire
Runs through the labyrinth of life
Her one desire,
To live in a world without strife

I wonder who it must be between
Two lovers?
Surely some kind of King and Queen
A forbidden love perhaps?
I wonder what worlds they must come from
Different galaxies?
I wonder what was the outcome
Maybe a The-Spider-and-the-Butterfly type thing?
I wonder if I could find a love like theirs
A love, never-ending?
One without tears
Have I heard of one before?
Yes! I have heard
Of the Greatest of All Romance
A love most absurd
Between me and my king

Is it really time?
The hourglass has runout
The container has cracked
The sand rushes out like waves
Only to settle for evermore

No waves will disturb
No wind will move
No feet will trod
On these pure white grains

Time and again
It rushed through the neck
Again, with time
It was turned

Yearly the civil war was fought
On who could get through quicker
But now the peace…
the silence reigns

Is this what we wanted?

No more shall we sit together
And watch the rushing sand
Contained within this precious glass

No more will we sit together
And share a meal
While the time runs out

The time has run out

We’ve put this broken hourglass
on the back of the shelf
Not wanting to throw it away
But not wanting to see it

The time has run out
And the time we’ll spend together
Is slipping through our fingers

Time is slipping
Like sand is slipping
Like life is slipping by

These rooms will miss our laughter, I hope
These beds will miss our warmth
These waves will miss our sunkissed bodies
This balcony will miss our wandering words

And I’ll be missing y’all

Our skin is growing wrinkled
The kids are growing old
The stars are shining brightly
The night has become cold

The sand sticks to everything
No matter how hard we try to keep it off
Like I hope our love sticks
No matter where we are

Someone lives inside my head
The Invisible Boy
He consumes my thoughts when I lay in bed
He is my emotion
and my best friend
Upon his shoulders he carries a ton
Yet only a child
He wonders and marvels
at the wild
things, He thinks of those who have no home
He thinks of those
who think they are alone
He thinks of those who seem happy
He thinks of those
who are just acting
He loves and lives inside my mind
He thinks of what will happen
to mankind
On that fateful day, The Last One
The skies will darken and a light will shine
When God will send his only son
to finish what he started, The WAR will then be won!
and no more
will we need the sun. Until that day
He thinks only of joy
He wonders and marvels
Even though he is The Invisible Boy

Once upon a time
A star fell in love with a star
He could see the other in the distance
But they could never touch
They could only see the other’s light
The first star was not satisfied
He watched the other star from a distance
But he could not get any closer
Then he made a deal with the devil
for a chance to get closer
But he sold his warmth
He sold his own light
And became a planet
The star loved him more for this
But she still could not touch him

So she made a deal with the same devil
To give him some of her light and warmth
And a chance for them to get closer
But this deal came with a price
And the devil doesn’t play very nice
The planet was moved closer
But the devil placed a rock in between
Told them to keep it warm
The star shone bright on one side
The planet reflected the suns rays on the other
The planet was not as cold
But he was lonely
For he could see the sun
But she was just out of reach
And she could see him

The planet in between took pity on the lovers
And made them an offer
That if the once-star would become the planet’s slave
They’d someday have no responsibility
To the him and the beings on it
So He became a moon
Tied to the planet revolving his star
The moon would travel around the rock
To come between his love and his master
And he’d bask in her rays
And theyd be happy for just a moment in time
But eventually
The moon will be called back
To the lonely
Cold
Dark place behind his master
Where he can only catch a glimpse of his sun
Around the curves of a rock

School is ending
Summer looms
You never knew

My soul sighs
My being weeps
My heart aches
For it is the last I'll see of you

The last bell will ring
Every student will rejoice
But you still never knew

Exams will be taken up
Pencils will be thrown away
People go home to relax
And it is the last I'll see of you

I loved you in secret
Watching you from the back of the classroom
And you never knew

Probably never to see me again
I'll remember your laugh and all your jokes
And your gait as you walked away
The last I'll see of you

like the money you leave in your jeans
i am washed until i am no longer new
i am thin and easily breakable
yet when you find me,
you are delighted
because i stayed

but i just wish that next time i will completely dissolve
because you will forget me again
like the money in your jeans

I don’t know you.
I know how we’re related,
But I didn’t know you existed until you died.
That sounds sad, and it is.
I’ve heard that you impacted many people,
But isn’t that what they always say at funerals?

You had an open casket.
There was a picture to compare.
In the picture you were full of life.
Sun kissed and full bodied.
In the casket you looked empty.
Pale and still.
I didn’t look long.
You looked so cold.
Your eyes were closed in the final sleep.
Your skin was so pale it almost matched the silk sheets.

I walked by.
I looked around.
I noticed how full of life everyone was.
Then I thought of you.
You’re in heaven now, full of life again.
But your body is here and it is empty.

You left her behind.
I know you didn’t want to.
She was so quiet.
She didn’t speak or cry.
She just sat beside your fiancé.
He cried, but your daughter was still as stone.
She looked pale, but not as pale as you.
I wanted to look at her and reassure her.
But how do you tell a 12 year old girl it will be okay?
When her mother is gone for good,
And she will never get another hug,
Another kiss,
Another touch,
From you.

I’m glad you’re with God.
It’s just hard to see those you loved suffer.
I have a hard time when I think about my loved ones dying.
I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it.
I think I’d die of heartbreak.
I’m honestly blown away,
By how strong your daughter is.
She stood there and took everything.
Every look at your casket like a punch in the gut.
Every condolence and hug like kicks to the back.
Every moment of that day like a hopeless trek through the desert night.

‘Let’s play the quiet game!’
‘3, ,2 ,1… go!’

Silence slowly slinks in…

I won’t be the first to break it

Seconds tick by
Minutes
Hours
Days
Years

I won’t be the first to break it

Will you?

I’m gonna tell you a story… not

Long ago a girl met a boy, but he was no
Ordinary boy, he was Godly, gentlemanly,
Very kind, funny, handsome… everything she
Ever dreamed of, and more. and he loved her!

Yet even though he proved to her time and again
Our girl couldn’t believe it… she was terrified,
Understandably so, for love is terrifying, but

Time went on… she knew him more and she
Realized she wanted him to know
Everything about her, and she wanted the same
Letting him in was scary at times, but
Little by little, she fell further and further
In love… but this story isn’t over, it’s the start of
Something much bigger

The Sun peeks through the
openings of a tree’s leaves
Giving life to all

The girl looked out the window and watched the world go by.
The train kept laboring as she watched the world go by.
~~chug chug chug chug chug chug~~
She lifted her hand to the window.
She felt the cool surface and spread her hand on it.
She closed her eyes and remembered…

Once upon a time…
Not long ago,
She had been innocent, without a care in the world.
Little did that little one know
What would unfold

She came back with a gasp as a tear slid down her cheek.
She felt the vibration as the train toiled on.
~~chug chug chug chug chug chug~~
She wiped her cheek with her fingertips and looked at her lap.
She grasped the hem of her dress to keep from shaking
As her gaze wandered to her shoes and she remembered.

Once upon a time…
Not long ago,
She had been in a shop, the best shoe store in town
Hand in hand with her mother and father
Skipping along, innocently

When the memory ended
She quickly looked up and watched a man reading the paper
~~chug chug flip chug chug sip~~
She watched with youthful curiosity and forgot her worries.
Though she knew, when the spell wore off, they would come back.
“Back” she thought as she remembered.

Once upon a time…
Not that long ago
She had been walking, walking through the snow
With her mother and father in boxes above her head
Lumbering along, numb to the world

This time she laid her head on the window watching the world go by.
She opened her teary eyes and looked at the sky
~~chug (sigh) flip chug (sky) sip~~
She looked at the ceiling of the train car and tried counting sheep
Anything to sleep
Anything to forget

We’re off to see the wizard
The wonderful wizard of Oz
The one with courage, a brain, a heart, and a solution
The powerful wizard of Oz
The man, no being!, who has these wonderful things
The wonderful wizard of oz
You walk into his room
The wonderful room in Oz
You ask your questions
Oh wonderful wizard of Oz!!
Will you give me what I need? What I crave?
Please oh wondrous magician of Oz!
‘Why of course’ he says
For he is the wonderful wizard of Oz
‘You need a brain? Courage? A heart? A home?
Asks the inquisitive wizened man of Oz
‘Take mine and go, for I have no need of them
I want to fly away from this confining land of Oz
Take everything I have and let me float away
The man in the sky from Oz
Waving from above the clouds
In a wondrous balloon above Oz
You’ve been off to see the wizard
The wonderful wizard of Oz
And you’ve found, that he is a lost man
The hopeless man from oz

the thunder is
here and i crouch
under the
noise. i
didn't understand how anyone could
ever feel so powerless. i
really didnt understand how
someone could
take cover
or crouch so lowly in such
real fear until i
met the thunderstorm, and then i understood

Running through the jungle
Bounding over fallen trees
Trying to escape

When will we leave them alone?

Staring at the moon
Golden eyes shining
Ears flicking at every unknown sound

When will we leave them alone?

Pacing in a wire trap
Roaring out of pain
Bleeding, just for men's gain

When will we leave them alone?

You left me standing in the rain
What did I do to deserve this pain?
On the wet concrete
My tears dropped, my heart plummeted 10,000 feet
My coat wrapped around my soaked figure
My eyes trained on the last picture
I ever took with you
Nothing I could do
My love and the image, ruined
Dissolving in the sky’s fluid
Pick up my pace
Run out of your embrace
Into another, better, being
Someone who will help me see
Someone who won’t leave me falling
Who will not leave me weeping

time feels like its going by so quickly and so slowly
seconds turn into minutes turn into hours turn into days turn into weeks turn into months turn into years

sometimes all i can feel are the seconds
sometimes all i want is the years

sometimes the weeks fly by
and the days pass by like a lazy bird slowly soaring in the sky

Its crazy to think
that yesterday's tomorrow
is our now... today!

you cant see the teeth marks...

they're hiding under my watch

You run
It chases

if we cant know pain
what makes our time
on this wonderful, desolate earth
worth it? what makes us
strive
to be better, to do better, to
LIVE
better? what makes us value the
beauty
amidst all the suffering?

you may feel shame rising in you
i understand
i have felt it many times as well

but you need to know
you can change
do not let one mistake get the better of you

you can turn yourself around
it seems impossible to even try
but i believe in you

if i can try,
so can you

Two                      Men
Two                     Sides
One                     Goal
Protect                Home
Screams              Heard
Tears­                    Falling
Men                      Dying
Flags ­                   Waving
The                       Trenches

Bombs                  Exploding
Two                   ­    Men
Have                     Courage
Venturing             Across
No-Man's           Land
Meeting                in
             the middle
               To save
                  The
               Creature
                In need
Walking                 Back
Resuming              War
Their                      Treaty
­Soon                       Forgotten
By                           All
But                          The
Two                         Men

i wonder how many people are crying right now...

the sun shines through her skin
illuminating her bones

who'd have thought she could be so understood?

the vultures are circling
the vultures are searching
the vultures are waiting
for me to mess up
the vultures are hungry
they want a taste of the skin
around my fragile bones
but i,
i hold a torch
a warning sign
DONT COME NEAR ME
ive had enough
(please leave me alone)
(im so tired)
put up these walls
so i can forget
but it leaves US
with the task
of making holes to communicate
while trying to keep
the walls glued together

from the bird in the sky
we hear no cry
yet it always hears us
it hears as our heartbeats quicken
breaths freeze
and thoughts race
it swoops down
tries to get closer
wanting a bite of our body
while we suffocate ourselves
with our tears
it can hear us no longer
though its wandering eyes search
we have build ourselves a house
that none can penetrate
but none
can
escape

I'm so tired
Can I just go to sleep?
No?
Okay
Just           a      k
          w                   e       up
to a new morn
and new problems
while the old remain undisturbed

peace is slowing your pace
purposefully prolonging the pitter patter
of your feet on the pavement
peering up at the pretty, pale illumination

Stone is still
Water moves

Water runs over stone
Stone remains still

Water rages

Water rushes over stone
Pushing
     Pushing
         Pushing

Stone remains unmoving

Water stills
It cannot move the stone, so it stops trying

Water resigns itself to dripping

Water drips
Drips
Drips
Drips on stone

Stone remains unchanging

Drip
Drip
Drip-

But then
Over time
Water creates a dent in stone

Stone, although stubborn
Molds to water’s drips

And the two form art

We will build our future
On the ashes of our father's work and love
On the ashes of our mother's sweat and tears
On the end of our childhood

We had our past
In the fields of innocence
In the safety of confinement
In the unawareness of youth

We live our present
With the knowledge of yesterday
With the joy of today
With the hope for tomorrow

I cause

Eyes to turn to glass
Lungs to be unable to contract

Hearts to cease to beat
Bodies to be unable to hold heat

Muscles to relax
Faces to sag

Hands to become useless
Legs to become motionless

What/Who am I?

I love myself
and those who love me
but I'm scared it won't last
and I'll find myself in that dark, horrible place again
I'm scared that everything
will disappear and I'll be left alone
>I'M SCARED THAT I WILL BE THE END OF IT<
yet even in the midst of the chaos
i find myself wondering, pondering
the choices, the sacrifices, and the pain
that made up my existence
the knowledge that i once was nothing
but two cells
and before that
mere atoms
                                                yet even then I
                                                       feel I would've known
that i could be loved
that i was loved
that i am loved
             that i will be loved

So I ask
          What is love?
Is it an emotion or more than that?
    Is it a force?
        Is it something we should praise?
            Is it something we should fear?
                Is it why we ARE?
                   Or is it the bane of our suffering?
Knowing that only with love will we be happy, we also know that really only without love can we be miserable.
And really only without the hope of love can we be terrified of        
                                                LIVING?

For it is love that holds us together
                                                        ­    and the lack of it
                                                              ­                         that rips us apart
                                                  It is love
                                                 That fuels
                                      Instinct, Passion, Desire
                                 And their brothers and sisters
                              Work, Selflessness, and Happiness
For even if it is only for ourselves,
                                      we all have love
we all feel its strings
we all long for it's call
------------------------------------------------------------­---------------------------------
                           We are terrified if it eludes us
                                             for we know
                                               that to live
                                             without love
                                                is to live
                                                without
    ­                                            meaning

love is the pitter-patter of rain
on the old cracked concrete
worn from the feet that
walk upon it
love is the silence of the lightning
and the power of the thunder
the way that for just a moment
the world is silent and then
how the earth quakes!
love is the ferocity of a river
knowing that with every turn
you are closer to a waterfall
and the doom that accompanies you over the edge
love is the comfort of another being
because when simply near another you feel you're
not alone in the dreadful toil of life
that maybe, somehow, it was all worth it

Why is life hard?
Why is this world scarred?
Why can we not see the stars?
Why are many behind bars?
Why do so many die?
Why do so many lie?
How long does it take,
to learn from a mistake?
What is with this life?

Why is life so unfair?
Why do many critique what you wear?
Why do many pretend you aren’t there?
Why does no one seem to care?
Why do so many cry?
Why do so many die?
How long will it rain,
Until we see the sun again?
What is with this life?

i want to stay close (theres a college 30 minutes from home)
i don't wanna be too close (i can live on campus)
i don't wanna be stuck where i've always been (i can travel if i want)
what if i become an outsider in my old life? (maintain your friendships, and create new ones)

The robin in the tree
Says with a chirp-cherrie
Spread your wings
And fly young things!

in case you havent heard it yet today
in case you need to hear it today

you are worthy
you are loved

read it again