There is always a longing bittersweet
euphoria when I spiral out of control in just a heartbeat;
when nothing is in my hands anymore,
a special kind of freedom that I have longed for.

i used to believe
that the sun rose
and the sun set
and the moon came out
and the moon hid
and that was it.
but you showed me that the sun
dances around the earth
before showing its beautiful colours
and saying goodnight.
and the moon shines bright
just for us,
so we can gaze into each other.

i used to believe that seasons turned
and the leaf fell from the tree
and that was it,
but you make the leaves flutter,
i see now that they don't fall-
they fly!
then take their place upon the autumn carpet
that will lead me to you.

i used to believe that everything just happened.
trees grew and withered,
humans existed and died
and that was it.
but trees don't just grow, they flourish
and humans live forever.

i used to believe that there was no reason for anything,
but now i see that
the whole world turns for us.

Kissing the lips of a cigarette
Before I kiss another
Doesn't bother me too much
I guess I just relish the ritual
The self-destructive flame
Lighting up my lungs, my brain
For the first time since my soul died
A colorless dream
Breathing out the smoke like a child
Pretending to be a dragon
On the first day of December
The nostalgic bite in my throat
Reminds me of both

I'm Bitter
like the coffee
stains on your teeth
scars on my legs
no Difference

I'm Bitter
with a twist of metal
tastes like blood
on the skin of your teeth
down the side of my arm
no Difference

I'm Bitter
because I am alone
no sweet soul has mingled
intertwined with mine
my dull grey eyes
the sweater you stole
no Difference

I'm Bitter
because my showers sting
and my wrists itch
and my pants are long
and my love life is gone
and you won't let me go
let me Go
let me Subside
let me Drown  
no Difference

I've been keeping my hair short
Because you liked it long,
And I'm not strong enough
To relive the feeling I got
When you ran your hands through it.

So I'll continue to cut off
The ends that are dead
Because you are too
And it makes me feel closer to you
Somehow.

but the way his eyes shine,
the rays of the sun become covered and
overcome
by the brightness,
the warmth,
and the beauty of
the soul
inside his eyes
and that's what i fell for
and that's what i became
insane for

a.r

At first I did love you,
but then the rain caught up.
Always thinking of you,
laying dormant on your crest.
To drink until you blurred,
until as velvet as the mist.

When I grow up, I'll be cool.
Smoke until my lungs float.
Drink until my body's a pool.
Think of people with three felonies,
singing the same penitiary melodies.
Think of girls that said no,
love that diminishes
while a fetus grows.

I'll think of my dad growing up
under a different circumstance.
Think if my mom could hear,
she'd probably like to dance.
Think of my grandpa and my brother,
one isolating, one with too much love--
I wish it'd smother
me, under a Christmas tree,
whispering, 'I wish I could give more,
but all I have is me.'

At first I did love you,
but the frame spills metal guts.
Always thinking of you,
the way your eyes, wide shut.
To think of a turn,
I watched it blur,
the glass shattered.
The paramedics mimicked me,
lifting me up,
'What's the matter?'

When I grow up, I'll be dope.
Find a nice blond and maybe elope.
Shake into her what was stirred into me,
and tell her not to mistake it for chemistry.
And bleed no more, so she doesn't believe,
that there used to be a weaker me,
but it's hard to control a certain circumstance--
like, what if my mom wished to dance?