I have a love-hate relationship with words.
I prefer the paintbrush to a pen.
Still, I find myself expressing my thoughts through words
Though I end up disliking 99% of the things I write.

I'm quirky and awkward.
Most people would consider me weird
To the point of crazy...
Perhaps society has given me the diagnosis of insanity.

My heart is a vacuum.
A void I refuse to fill in...
It's vacancy seems to be a lost cause.

Robbed by circumstances of the past.
Now,
I can't be touched...
I can't be moved...
I am detached...

Devoid of deep attachments...
I **** in emotions to nothingness.
It's inevitable I'll bring you to my emptiness...

Forgive me for my heart is but a black hole.

I was just a chance passenger
Desperate; shielded; armored
My wall rising higher
My fate is left to be shattered

I smelt the odor of hopelessness
Filling my lungs to the brink of helplessness
The grip is too tight
The conquest in its height

My lips are trembling
I am mumbling
My palms - sweating
Knees are shaking

The lack of air consumed
Cracked bones on my chest - my ribs
Devouring on my innocence. Ripped.
Am I to blame? He called the dibs.

So contradicting
Numb feelings, oppressing

To the dreams that fly
In the vast Southern sky

Drown in sorrowful laughter
Dance in the midnight breeze
Soak in the piercing heat...
Soak in the piercing heat

Unknowingly knowing
There's probably nothing

In the end all is gone
Wilting flowers in the bed of fears

Drown in sorrowful laughter
Dance in the midnight breeze
Soak in the piercing heat...
Soak in the piercing heat...

i took it in, you see
basked myself in its glory
now i feel trapped
suffocated
asphyxiated
am i to die
with this curiosity
killing me

I find
feathers so beautiful
I guess
it's because they are so light
That sense of lightness
Makes them so pretty
That sense of lightness...
**I envy

I yearn to escape.
I just want to sleep forever...
                    forget deadlines and responsibilities
                           forget right and wrong
                                 forget black and white
I'm pretty content in my dreamless sleep
Unbound by earthly desires
Empty - perhaps?
                        But at the same time Free**(?)

The anguish of the past won't hurt now.
As hope trickles, it tingles down the spine.
And the stars who connived would ask how...
Pain is no more - for no longer do I pine.

Fear lurks in the dark corners of my wretched soul
Brewing poison - a concoction to inject in delirium.
Strength is shattered; weak in the cold.
Shots of pain burning straight for the crematorium.

Painless, I burn
My ashes, Glory they will earn.

Have I any right to envy?
I pushed the man away.
Time passed and with another he sway
Yet part of me wished him to stay.

Shall I brag of my pain, --
for they made me feel?
Shall I boast of my sorrow --
when I discovered joy in the midst of mourning?
Shall I brag of my suffering --
when I have learned to fight?

Shall I take pride of my regrets --
now that I understood better?
Shall I boast of my injuries --
as I've learned to push, get up, and move
                                                        ­  even with a limp?
Shall I take pride in the times I quit --
because I realized to choose my battles wisely?

Take in my pain, my sorrow, my suffering
Death is not the end of me
It is the beginning of my journey to a homecoming
Where my Home is
Pain is no more

I seek for things unknown...
I seek for the uncertain
I seek for the inanimate
It's a continuous gnawing hunger - of finding, discovering...
Traversing a world untraveled.
Unknown and hidden
Secret in my head

I do not search for utter understanding
I do not search for the right answer to life's greatest question
I do not search for comfort in knowing

The unknown is magnificent
The mysteries of life, left unfound, left to be sought...
But not to be found...
But to get lost in it

I seek to lose myself to life...
Not the crude life of just wasting away my freedom...
I seek to lose my life for something so much greater than myself
My soul yearns to get lost in the wilderness of the unknown

I see my light going on and going off
on and off
on and off
flickering
flickering, I see them
flickering
the light is fleeting
limited
limited the light may have been
until I decided
to be limitless

I want to get lost somehow,
But I've never been found anyway.
I didn't have to want to get lost,
I just am.

Miss Mission Impossible,
aren't you tired of this?
Miss Mission Impossible,
you take on the threats with a kiss.

You ****** pain to be on you side;
You graze on the blade until you bleed.
Your sweat, and blood, and tears...
Now dry
Miss Mission Impossible...
You tried.

Stupid mouth.
Shut it.
Tame my tongue.
Pure acid. Vapid from my lungs.
It cuts.
It stings.
Stings my soul.

The very thing I wish to cut.
The very thing I yearn to bleed.
Is my own.
My hands.
My feet.
My ears.
My nose.
My guts.
My guts...
My very core.

Tear my heart.
My acidity has made me numb.
Vile fluid flows in my veins.
Pray I should bleed.
Drained.
That love for my own be filled.

He's a darling.
He's a star.
Starplayer
Playing with my heart
Playing with it's beat
Beating like a drum
Drum
Drumming through a song
A song of endless tune
Tune to me
To me, my love
My love, you'll be gone
Gone to another land
Landing in your hometown.
To my secret love,
Love that is unknown
Unknown to you and the world
The world will drown it down
Down to my lonesome nights
Nights I'll dream of you
Dream
Dream
I dream you dream of me too.
Good bye.
I love you.
I'll miss you.
I hope I'll see you again.
And again
And again.
And again.
I hope one day,
One day
I'll be yours
Yours to love.
Love.
Love and hold.

I yearn
       to be engraved
       in the deepest crevice
       of your brain

I want you
       to think of my skin
       against your skin...
                  ...of my heart beating fast
                  against your heart

I thirst for you
      to think of your pores - opening -  
      absorbing the essence of my soul

I need you
      to crave
       of every single detail
       of our moments together

Secretly,
      I long for you
      to worship
      the perfection
      you have perceived
      of me

And the mouth filled with garbage
Spewing lies to mask reality
Burying sour thoughts in fragile grounds
Burning the throat in the influx of lies - insanity  

As I lie in bed at night
Boring myself to tears
What have I become?
Losing my soul to fears
Forced to take in...
To devour every morsel of it
Shivering I run in
Deathly cold in the Pit

Take in
The lurid morsel of the World
Taken in
No more can the poison be spit

The ugly button cannot be undone
This life in desolation
What's done is done

You were supposed to be a stranger.
We were...
Strangers with a shared kiss.

My brain was washed with alcohol,
With the snippets of memories left.
I forgot your  name...
and how we met.

That one fateful night...
You were supposed to stay a stranger
Instead you traced my steps.

Alas! The world is too small for us.
Who would have thought that
you would find me?
You even got my name wrong.

Your description was spot on.
The friend of your friend knew me.
You should have just left it as it is...
A beautiful memory by the beach -
with a stranger.

my heart and my hand goes together
my brain is wired to censor
my brain is wired to simplify
what i have in my hand, however,
is to amplify --
amplify who i am...
the 'who' i do not truly understand.
myself.
the 'who' i do not completely believe,
the self i cannot trust.