With withheld words as the only measurable distance between us, our knees touched, igniting a spark both of us feigned oblivion to. Inhale. Exhale. Passive-aggressively, you demanded my honest opinion, yet your eyes recoiled --the potential of rejection would split your perception into disjointed scraps. Eyes shining and lips sealed shut, I watched you wither under my gaze until you shook. You were a lamb; predictable, but endearing. And so clearly in love with me.

Unconditional --through my passionate debates, flared conscience and difficult persona, your hand never fared far from mine. When my eyes met yours; and our story was no longer of unrequited love. Two scared lovers scared of what this intense emotion implied. Afraid to take the next step, as if the distance extended from the moon to the stars. Inhale. Exhale.

But my eyes met yours. My mouth parted, forming words naturally clouding my mind in the darkest of nights, and the brightest of days. You feigned oblivion; you claimed these emotions are foreign, especially concerning me. The world darkened, and suddenly, I was no longer part of this unfamiliar environment.

Inhale.

Those words of thinly-veiled rejection underneath mass pity... suddenly, I'm the one shaking, similar to a single flower rebounding against raging storms. More than anything, I am blinded. You were the one constant in a life of variables, but unbeknownst to me, an irrational number with digits I never considered.

Inhale.

I questioned life.
I questioned my worth.
I questioned you.

Inhale.

The truth appeared peacefully. These doubts gnawing my mind were my own self-doubts. Amidst desperately inquiring those in yours, I forgot my own. A helpless ladybug, I lost myself in long blades of grass, sharp as the knives in a butcher's drawer.

Eyes closed, I remembered you. Simply.

Your words are thinly laced with regret, insecurity, and greatest of all, unbridled passion; your arms around my shoulders, those spontaneous compliments and the crooked smile, your soft eyes sparking at my presence... it screams denial.

Denial.
Denial.
Denial.

This isn't my denial. This is yours.

Exhale.

I press my lips together
Making perfect lines
Staring at the mirror
My mythical self shakes out her silver language
and laughs at my vain attempts
to make people love me
a goddess with sultry eyes
my reflection claims to be
but it falls off
as soon as I leave

The way your smile looks like
a few rough times came in and knocked out your teeth
but the child stayed,
your laugh and it's booming base
like I'm at a metal concert being thrashed around by hundreds of people.
The way your eyes look like someone said something mean to you but you told them to *******,
the way your skins feel against my skin soft like satin with an underlay of warmth.
How you didn't talk to me all week and I'm not mad
in fact all I did was think of you
and your smile, your laugh, your voice and your body against mine.
Finally,
the way your hug makes me realize how infuriatingly fragile I am and your arms are like the paste that holds me together.

I'm falling and I'm scared.

I watched
As the fire burned down their dependency
Melted away their hope
Charred their smiles

He watched
The man looked at me
Talking with the smoke in his lungs
"As long as our teachers are safe"

I watched
The fire inside my chest
Filling my veins with names of the people of this place
Knowing that I am melted where I stand

~

Awash in the shadows
Unknown disbelief
Her smiled reminders
No sign of relief

The message she's holding
Clutched tight in her hand
Escapes from the nightmare
She can't understand

Where love hides the promise
Now kept all alone
With tears slowly forming
If only she'd known

The stains on the mirror
Paint lines on her face
Replaced by the sorrow
Her heart now does trace

Her dreams of forever
Now long to be kissed
The feel of the razor
Held tight to her wrist

The pain burns a' fire
Her life, what the cost
With nothing remaining
Of what she has lost

She stares to the heavens
And pleads for a sign
Her heart it has broken
The very last time

Does she or doesn't she
Only she knows
With darkness engulfing
A long shadow grows

glass windows
crystal panes
quite mesmerized am I
colored parts
crimson shards
I wish to have you for my eyes
womanly arch above my head
your shapes are all that I have bled
my story starts like your creation

there was a time when all you were
was magnificent idea
in the mind of a man
a quiet plan unwelcome in the land
a time when you were a naked chaos
trampled by cattle
the dust watched your birth
you rose screaming from earth
men cursed while they worked
a torture
an eyesore
with potential at best

Barren poles for arms
Slabs of marble legs
when your beauty arrived
all were surprised
and verified the validity
of your maker's pride
his blood, your paint
his teeth become your enameled wall
the iris of his eyes, your windows
his mind the crowning dome
his life the mascara of your shadows

the bones are at rest now
no one pounds out their song
on the old wintry walls
and the days are long
the wounds shown are old
long out of style
you will soon  recover from man's victory
and slip back into old ways
for from dust you were taken

Open your lips, but nothing comes out
Open your lips, but the sound has gone mute
When you need it most your voice flounders
But when you don't need it, it sticks around
Find the voice to speak against something
Find your voice to stand for something you believe in
Find your voice and be the person you want to be

Bullet flies
Murdered victim
Blood splatters
Guilty verdict
Injected killer

Mute jungle spells end  .  .  .
Death is written in the sands,
  .  .  .  Pause of Jaguar.