when you feel as
useless
as a white crayon

all you have
to do
is to find
that someone

who prefers
black paper

My mind wanders through space and time
Hallucinations fill my mind
I see your face
But know it's not real
I cannot help this it's how I feel

I miss you so
Though met we have not
Maybe the next life
We'll get our shot

Come with me
To where love does bloom

In this dark
And sensual room

Candles flicker
A warm breeze blows

A hint of jasmine
Through the window flows

Crashings waves
On outside shores

Leaves two lovers
Longing for more

More love
More time
More moments of bliss

More happy together
More moments like this

sorry,
i cannot save you.

i can barely save myself.

The death that I've dealt
So silent and sweet

They never saw me coming
They didn't hear a thing

I came upon them
So happy and free

That is until that night
Until they saw me

I took away their happy
Took away their free

I took away their everything
I took it all for me

Me I have no happy
I surely have no free

So enjoy it while you have it
You never know where I could be

Welcome
To the place
Where dreams die

Where darkness prevails
The sun doesn't rise

Agony and anguish
Together here thrive

Life choices made
This is home when you die

So, Welcome home
Home for all time

After the first
Never again
The second
The same,
Regret, pain
The third
Disappointment, shame
The fourth
A piece of paper with a name
The fifth and I’m officially insane
Confusing clouds, constant rain
Begin to drain
Me

Thoughts, a fact
A pact
To myself
My rapidly deteriorating
Physical, mental, emotional health

31 tablets, 52
What difference does
A few
More make
Another mistake
I break,
Crack, smash
Like China
A million pieces
Despair fills the air
I lay, unconscious
Without a care
In the world

Sleeping tablets
And anti depressants
Desperately searching
For the essence
Of a hopeful soul

Hospitalisation
Anticipation, frustration,
Sedation
A safe place
With locks on the inside
Reflecting on the times
I’ve tried
Cried, lied
To break free

After the first
Never again
The second
The same
Regret, pain
The third
Disappointment, shame
The fourth
A piece of paper with a name
The fifth
And I’m officially insane

It stops here
Succumbed with fear
As I walk, tread, carefully
Undress the mess,
That is me.

2010 ©

I stood in the street
                       In the suns direct heat
                                                       I melted

                                                       Into
                       The storm drain below
Mixed with the water

I began to flow

Far far away
                     Home to the ocean
                                                     From where I once came
                                                     Back in the sun
                     Heated  I rose
And again fell as rain

The only freedom we have is the
unconditional love we have to give
and the painful confessions
we offer to the blank page,
there is no judge
but our conscience
and the earnestness of our hearts.

Sometimes my dreams blur together,
and I wonder if I ever really had them in the first place.
I wonder if I'm as crazy as they say I am.
If there really is such a thing as striving for to much,
as impossible dreams.
Then I wipe away the self pity and remember
that no one can deem my dreams as impossible but me.
Frankly I don't even believe in the word.
As crazy as my dreams are, I will prove them wrong.

how can you end sadness

when you don’t know why

it exists

Don't judge my outer shell
Don't judge the marks or scars on my skin
Don't judge the look in my eyes as you spit the words of sin
Don't sear your judgements in my brain
Yeah ok, you think I'm insane
I hope you know that this inner pain does it
The pain you cause and from many others
So don't judge the tears that stream down my face
Sad angels cry the most
An angel as sad as I deserves to let these tears fall
So don't judge my outer shell
Don't judge it at all
Don't say I'm mental and insane
You don't know what has happened to me or what I've been through
So don't judge my outer shell
Till you've looked within me
Maybe then you'd see why I'm like this
Maybe then this will shatter your killing spree