I walk alone
I find beauty in the sparkle of the sidewalk when the sun hits it just right
I follow the crack in the concrete like a map
It wasn't meant to be there but I'm glad it is

I'm glad I am

I find beauty where I thought I'd find pain
These are the moments that let me feel sane
Search for beauty where it's least expected
You'll find a shine in your eye and a love that is reckless

But there's beauty in the hectic
Embrace the beautiful when it's messy

I wish you cared
the way you care where you'll go for lunch today,
I wish you listened
the way you hear your favorite bass chords,
I wish you'd spend time
the way you waste away all your savings,

Show me passion, don't show off
Feel my heart beat like your sheets, so soft
I feel your chest rise and fall
Feel the way I truly care,
and in return, get nothing at all.
Why do you only care when it's convenient?
When did my standards become so lenient?

I wish you the best,
the way you wish away today
I wish you the best,
but with you there is no grey.

I want to pick your brain..
Lots would like to wander around your brain,
roam your ideas and such
But I am unlike the curious
Although I share the intensity and passion toward you as they do,
I'm finding you in a different place, a dark one none of them can identify
When it comes to you,
I fade away from the mainstream,
chisel through a rock enough to change route..
enough for a one way ticket down a one way path
My solo trip toward a never ending wrath
And since I already have the chisel
Like I said, I'd like to pick your brain
But in less of a poetic form, cut the metaphors sharply
Ironically, although you have intriguing moments,
I'd use an ice pick.

I'm not fully ready to be with you
I am still figuring myself out
But what if being ready is a myth
Fabricated by those who let fear win
I don't want to let this linger any longer
I need you under my skin
I need you in my veins
In my sheets
In my arms
You have been in my mind
Since the fourth of July
And I can't stand pretending anymore
I know it's not smart
But I need to follow my heart

..And it leads me to you.

What do I do?

There’s something different.

Sad songs aren’t helping but I gravitate toward them like moths to flames.

Relatable.

Why aren’t the answers easy? I could use a lifeline.

consume endless stimulants
anything to get through this

lifeless eyes with sunken souls
tucked away in hidden holes

the hands on the clock do a full rotation
returning then surpassing their first location

alternating breaks between coffee and bogies
i sit on the floor, my effort withholding

breathe in, breathe out, inhale deep
i know not about counting sheep

a few more bodies tough it out
"we are the champions," i want to shout

and i'm delusional, so i just might
tell this empty room about my sleepless night

i dont wear bras

          my **** will look great when im old

i gave up on makeup

          unless its a special occasion or my friends are convincing

my fingernails and toenails are clean

              nail polish prevents your nails from breathing

ive outgrown my asthma

       my lungs rise and fall

          so deeply, so freely

since i was 15

   there has always been a boy in my life

          i intend to cross that off the list too

My flask empties
My worry empties
My bowl empties
My boredom empties

My mind empties
My notebook fills
My heart pours out
My eyes sit still

With substance,
comes stimulus
With this,
comes my remiss
to anything and everything
but the taste of your kiss.

How is full enjoyment expected
if every moment we are given
is not fully experienced?
We wish and wait for "better,"
but when we finally get there..
it's right back to the blueprints
to upgrade our definitions
of.. meaning.. of... interest.
I challenge you to see things
not through hopeful, fantastical eyes,
but for the proven presence obtained.
I challenge you
to make something out of nothing..Why not?
You make nothing out of something
every day.
We look right past all the beauty we are given..
and we do not earn this beauty. What a shame
that it is wasted on such careless creatures.
Maintain a sense of face value before your turn is over
and all you have collected from your stay
are wrinkles on your forehead
and a lack of words when confronted with the idea
that you've done nothing with your time.

im more mentally ****** up than i ever say*
guilty guilty pleasures, pleasure's all i convey
a rush outside of my comfort zone
i mostly want to be all alone
all the time, tell me lies
turn me on, hypnotized
brainwashed by your disguise
getting off and getting high
bad boys lurk among the good
bad boys are misunderstood

The world is beautiful, but also sick,
And she's a product of her environment.

So don't place blame on the bright red lipstick,
Or the devious hand that's applying it.

Or the way that she gets, every once in a while,
How she steals his bleeding heart, then leaves with a smile.

If your eyes can't stay open, it could be dismissed
But ******* if they open in the middle of a kiss.

Right as he begins to drift off to sleep, kiss his forehead.

Be his sunrise. Make him coffee in the morning, even if you do not want any. If he holds your hand, grasp his in return, with all of the love in your body. Feel his pulse; his heart, pumping blood through his veins, through his hands, through his fingers, which wrap around yours with passion and life. Let it consume you.

This way, when all is said and done, he will remember your lips on his sleepy skin, and how he was protected at his most vulnerable...how his mind could rise peacefully with your help. He'll look at his open palm and wonder if yours is warm, and he can almost feel you intertwined with his lonely bones.

It may sting in the moment, but you've created a fire within him that will never burn out, and all you can do is hope that the next set of bones interlocking with his will be well worth his time. You've given him standards. You've given him what every soul deserves. You've given him love. And what ache isn't worth love?

I can't walk past Rocky Raccoon's house without pondering the idea of you
Simultaneously yet separately living out our days
I find comfort in nostalgic music, long car rides and light shows,
In lukewarm coffee representing effort put out for far too long
Hues of orange and yellow stick around with no sign of surrendering
Like an overdue library book I have no intention of returning
American Spirits burning a hole in my heart where you used to be

One: Smokey grey; the kind that blurs your vision or gathers in corners of ceilings that are somehow still not as high as you.
Two: The teal that masked the bedroom walls of my old home; the bedroom with nothing but a mattress on the floor and my unplugged television. I was eco-friendly, which leads me to
Three: Green: any and all greens. Mother Nature makes it obvious she loves its hues, and I strive to be one with this Earth.
Four: Whether fueled by anger or love, give me rose-colored shades and I'll rock 'em with grace and style like none before. My red blood boils with passion.
Five: Making concrete decisions is not my forte, so choosing a final favorite will leave me second guessing. Combine all the options and give me a rainbow, because when we see a color, it is actually that color being reflected while all the other colors are absorbed. They work together, as we should. You bring the crayons and I'll bring the blank canvas, let's paint the world rainbow together.

You define 'pretentious'
by painting a vivid picture,
with not just your words,
but harsh brush strokes,
violently swinging back and forth,
parallel to the melodrama that is
your mood swings and your lack of self worth,
which forces your internal disputes outward at increasing speeds.
They won't like me.

I say, *You're too worried.

I have dreams bigger than this town.
My ambitions are bigger than my actions here.
I know I'm supposed to follow my dreams.
But if I really go pursue them
Will those who encouraged the idea
turn their back on the reality?

You told me you would be there if the tables were to turn
But we've been there, and you don't care, I've finally discerned.
Sacrifices made on my end, you needed a warm body
I'll no longer pretend that you've genuinely got me

I keep collecting extra straws because the last one's drawn too soon
I'm rising with the sun and have to let you chase the moon
Selflessly hoping to help you grow attuned
While helplessly knowing that to love, you are immune

i never sleep at night it seems
my nightmares have become my dreams
im siding with the enemy
this war rages inside of me

You're filled with inconsistency
But you can always count on me
With you I have to walk on egg shells
One day to the next, I can never tell
If you'll be like this tomorrow
If you'll be the cause of my sorrow
Or if you'll want to be the source
The strong and faithful force
Create a loving course
But you feel no remorse
You give me your shoulder
You give me your hand
Then you turn colder
And say I don't understand
How am I to grasp your intentions
When I have to fight just to keep your attention
And you failed to mention
That you were on the fence when
You decided to pick up and go
Barely a warning, it goes to show
I never cross your mind unless
You feel alone and in distress
You're never there when I'm a mess
But always to take off my dress
I know that it's not just the ***
But your indecisive notions are a stress
I've said it before and I'll say it again
Your lack of compassion's the means to an end

You are the ocean
I am the waves
I am always aware
Always a part of you
I just don't always show myself
But if triggered
I will become an overwhelming, magnificent part of you
which changes your perspective of me
in such a way that you can't remember what it's like without me
Present but invisible
I can go from calm to crashing
sinking ships deep inside you
the same way you sink into me
the only difference is the abandoned souls and their carrier
will forever remain, whereas you and I will never be the same

Smoking in a screened in porch
After lives have been divorced
Shaking thighs feel no remorse
Just let nature take its course

Today marks the start
The change in my heart
Open mind, open eyes
I've awoken for an early rise

I want to love myself
I need me more
than I need anyone else
for if I did not exist
I would not need anyone

I want to love myself
I want me more
than anyone else does
and if I do not want me
why would anyone else?

I want to love myself
so I can say
I love me more
than anyone else
for if I do not love myself
Why the hell would you?

I thought things would be different this time
I was under the impression that the word meant more to me than it did to you
I still am
When I asked if you care about me, you responded, "Not right now,"
and that worries me
Because even as you cursed my name, I tried to find someone else to blame
And as I walked away, my blood boiling, and you put the drivers seat down to sleep, I couldn't even make it around the corner without feeling like I was abandoning you
I should have left you there to your own devices with no hesitation

I am a passenger, riding shotgun unbuckled, daydreaming about destinations and awaiting their arrival.
But the road never ends and the numbers on the exit signs just grow and grow
and I'm fighting to widen my heavy eyelids
and before I know it I'm out of gas,
but when I raise my head and turn to the left, I face the harsh truth of an empty drivers seat
and can't recall the moment I was forced to do it myself.

Self destructive, but not self harming.

I took advantage, he’s so charming.

My comfort level hit a high,

My selfishness now makes me cry.

What the **** is wrong with me?

Stressed, depressed, anxiety.

I felt a lacking, I looked elsewhere

Disregarding, he doesn’t care.

Now the aches and pains are clear

But is it too late to have him near?

Staring from afar, he noticed that you noticed him and
your eyes cross paths
Neither knows whether to quickly shift or let it last.
But as the corners of his lips curl upward slightly
You're glad you held your glance, and smile back delightedly.
*But when he licks his lips and his brows raise
You're disgusted, he stares while your focus has changed

hes good at what he does
bad news covered in attraction
hes a magnet with a strong force
steer clear or he'll swallow you whole
no matter how smart you believe yourself to be
he is so invested in erasing all you've learned from your past mistakes
and he knows exactly how to grab ahold of you and turn the tables
leaving you with confusion and self blame,
and an image of him you'll never want to fade

You deserved this
Did we make you nervous?
Pacing in my bedroom as the truth unravels
Lie after lie but still convinced you're not the *******.
How many girls will you hurt before your time is up?
How many hearts have to break before you've had enough?
Losing you was the biggest gain of all.
But you still think that without you we'll fall.
Humble words tell the truth, but what do you plan to do?
Dance around reality, your logic is unclear to me.
I just hope one day a girl comes along
helps you realize you've been in the wrong.
But your God complex, it's a ******* hex!
Eventually it will be the iceberg that sinks you.
So hold on for the ride, because when it starts to die..
When it starts to die, that's when it'll hit you.

At the most I'll be his sidekick for a few semesters,
crunching leaves as I walk back to his apartment, where I'll take a nap while he studies ancient philosophies, waiting for his reappearance. We'll get ****** and bicker over where to go for lunch, even though we know it'll end up being sushi (it always is).

At the least I'll be the girl he's talking about ten years from now, when explaining his firsthand experience with the deadly combination of a pretty face and a sad, sad soul. The reason he knows anyone can sink deep into that hole and he will never again judge a book by its cover, because of me.

I've spent the better half of today naked, twisting and turning in front of the mirror, trying to decide why to love myself. Because when I scrunch my rib cage toward my hip on one side it stretches on the other? revealing a line of one-two-three-four protruding ribs I wish to make music on with a drumstick, and follow the curved line south to reveal a sturdy hip bone? eager to be knocked on, choosy on who to open for.

pick your poison and choose your battles
love yourself and ignore the *******
inhale the good and exhale the bad
this is a guide to get rid of the sad

when you open your eyes you have to smile
and know that the effort is always worth while
everything good takes some time
the dark has to show before the sun can shine
embrace the moonlight and you'll grow stronger
just trust that the sadness won't last much longer

I loved everything about you
I even learned to love the abuse
The good, the bad, the ugly
You made a beautiful collage for me

I found myself listening to your songs tonight
Not the ones you brag about - the ones that gave me insight
They showed me that even though your eyes burned me like the brightest fire
Your words ****** me and left me in a bed of desire

And no matter how hard I try to convince myself that I deserve better
I can't help but immerse myself in your ****** weather

Sometimes I'll stand in the rain and look up at the clouds
I'll wonder if you're worth the pain and if I'll ever make you proud

Before you I had no worries, I was happy and free, or at least I thought I was
In hindsight I was still a little boy running around and pretending I wasn't an adult because

If I stopped pretending it would mean I wasn't going to have fun anymore
But that all stopped when you walked through the door

When we met we clicked we understood each other perfectly
When we thought of our future if we'd always be together, certainly

When I was with you I was happy but in a different kind of way
I felt like an adult who had his whole life together, but with you I could still play

You kept me on track so my life wouldn't be wasted on parties and ****
But at the same time you made me think you were all that I would need

I didn't see it for what what we were, I saw a partnership
But when I was in a bad place you said you wouldn't stay on a sinking ship

You taught me that I'm valuable and shouldn't be tossed aside
But you taught me not everyone will stick with me for the ride

You taught me so much in our time together
Unfortunately one of those lessons was that we weren't forever

I opened up my heart for you like I never had before
Then you opened up your legs for him and left your ******* on his floor

You made me think I was the problem and the reason we would drown
But in reality, you were the captain, and your ship is going down

How can someone
as intellectually beautiful
as you
do something so entirely cruel
to make someone
as intellectually vulnerable
as me
see stars in your eyes
and float five feet above the ground
just to cover the stars with clouds
and reestablish the force of gravity
pulling my heart six feet under
shutting the door of opportunity
and locking the dead bolt

I love you and
I'm sorry

When he told me he was in love with me, I didn't sweat it
Tomorrow he will probably say he has realized new things
And has had a change of heart
He is a roller coaster
A light switch
Untrusted
I feel bad that I do not take him seriously
He is human, but he does not let himself seem human
Therefore I do not feel bad that I do not feel bad
It makes sense if you think about it

Soul searching
Mouth hurting
Imprinted wrists
Unfinished lists
Squinting eyes
Exposed thighs
Barefoot dancing
Sights enhancing
Lustful thinking
Heavy drinking

*Thoughtless memories...
It was hell, we would see.

my head is bouncing on the trampoline that is his chest
i never felt a heart beat so hard
how am i flowing with emotion while still so numb

i feel for him
i feel for everyone
my passion is endless

its been 4 years since my first heartache
ive loved twice since then
and felt lust for countless souls
yet songs of old love still tug at my heart strings

nothing physical lasts forever
memories last a long time
feelings are eternal

leave impressions
soft, approachable ones
which heal with tranquil justification

I will be your martyr.
I don't want to see you hurt.
I am a sponge. A black hole. A pin cushion.
Give me your worry and all of your pain.
I am John Coffey. I know how it feels and I am used to it. Add another straw, this camel's back is so worn out. I will lay in the sand and feel it for you. Just do not ask me why I cry when the sun is shining and I am beautiful.

Stay up late just for conversation
A brand new face and a fascination
Passing compliments and smiles as if they're going out of style
Something seems familiar and it's something so peculiar
Hours on the phone usually don't pass the time but for some reason time moved faster than my favorite season
There's no doubt in my mind I'll be tired when I rise
But honestly, that's alright, I feel hypnotized
The newest of new - I just met him today
But he fits me just right like he's custom made
Mutual excitement, we may be thinking reckless
But I want him to hang around like my favorite necklace

I left the door cracked for you
You never had my back, did you?
I didn't leave it open for you to come and go as you please
But rather so we'd know we weren't here to deceive
I guess you took advantage, I guess I didn't see
That behind that cracked door was another just like me
Your intention was to get me, and to get me to believe
That it was all the real thing and it was only me
I have to close the door, turn the lock and take your key
I wish it wasn't so, it was me who can't believe
I wish that I could slam the door and exit angrily
But I am not like you and wish you were more like me
I know inside a part of me wants to hide a key
In case you're in the area and decide that you are free
I don't know what I'm thinking, you've done these wrongs to me
You made me feel important, but you have a set of keys