Why do I expect so much from people, who will fail?

Maybe we've both matured.
Maybe we've just drifted.
Maybe we were meant for only a short amount of time.
Maybe we were meant for this fate..

That doesn't mean I don't miss you though.

One the darkest red,
    Like blood.
One the purest white,
     Like snow.
One the lightest pink,
    Like her soul..

Can these three live side by side?
Or will the pure white one be
tainted by the blood red one?

Who know?

He's here..
He's back.

I have to tolerate him sitting next to me again.
Our director says just tell him what you want him to do.
Like he'll listen to me.

I don't know what I'll do.
If I can do anything
And he's here until Monday..

What am I gonna do?
I can't breathe when he's around.
He is the creator of my butterflies that inhabit my stomach.
What will I do?

He's back.
He's here...

Someone **** me please?

I need to be strong.
Not for me,
But for those around me..

I love you all, here on Hellopoetry.
Without you. I wouldn't know where I'd be, or even who I'd be.
Thank you.

Will baring my emotions though my poetry ever be enough?
Is it ever enough to wear my heart on my sleeve?
Are my emotions ever enough for anyone?

When you look into my eyes,
Sometimes I wonder what you see.
Do you see how I feel about you?
Do you see the pain behind the walls I built?
Do you see the beauty beneath it all?
Do you see me?
When I look into yours eyes,
I wish I knew what they were thinking.
Can I see your soul reflecting mine?
Can I see the scars of past mistakes?
Can I see the heart of gold that I know you have?
Can I see you?

Look into my eyes.
I dare you.

I can't trust myself when I'm alone anymore.
The silence is almost dreading.
I can't breath properly anymore.
The will isn't there.
I can't think straight anymore.
The thoughts are so jumbled, so tangled.
I can't anymore.
This has to stop.

In one of my favorite worship songs, Like an Avalanche by Hillsong United,
One of the lines goes like this-
"Caught up in grace like an avalanche,"
It always made me wonder exactly what grace is.
And according to google this is what grace means-
"the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings"
The favor of God, that is free and unmerited.
The salvation of sinners and bestowal of blessings.
What a great and graceful God we have!
Happy Good Friday.

Sometimes
I
Forget
That
You
Are
Actually

A
Human..

Happy Thanksgiving,
To those who read my poems
And to you, who I've never met face to face.
You simply read and inspire me.
Here on hellopoetry,
I give thanks.

I hurt when
People I love hurt
I can't bear
To see them
Cry

I have seen
Many people go
Through things
And I wished I
Could erase all the
Pain

I'm simply that
Kind of person
I care
A lot
More than you'd
Think

Please don't push
Me away
That hurts just
As much
I want to be
There for
You

Will you let me?
I don't need to know
All the details
Or how it happened
But I'd listen if you
Want to tell me

I just want to be
able to be there
For you
To give you a hug
When you are down
Be that shoulder to
Cry on

It's in my nature.
Will you let me in?
I'm not afraid
Not anymore...

Love doesn't die,
It simply fades or grows.
It can fade away to nothingness,
But as soon as you see that picture,
Or hear that song,
You are filled with the past and the love you had.
Or it can grow,
Where it consumes your thoughts and every waking moment is spent thinking and wondering..
Love doesn't die,
It expands and changes,
And LIVES

You don't see how you've hurt me.
You don't see my pain.
You don't see why I'm so afraid,
Afraid of you, afraid of talking to you.
You don't see your mistake.
You don't see your failure.
You don't see anyone but yourself, do you?

I hate this feeling.
Of worthlessness
Of pity
Of "I told you so"
Of being used.

Especially when it's from you.

Sometimes I wish that if I just close my eyes
And dream..

Everything will go they way they should
That all the problems will go away,
And all the drama will disappear.

But that will never happen….

You can do this.
It's no different than before
Well actually it is.

He's not there.
But he could be
No he can't.

I can do this.
It's ok to make a mistake.
I think.

I can't do it.
I'm gonna fail.
I get so nervous I can't breathe
I'm not gonna do it.
I can't
I won't..

I have to.
I have to.
I can.
I will..

It’s been a while since I’ve written
A long while

A lot has changed and I have grown a lot
I’m not sure if I’ll keep writing but who knows

Silent.

Without words,
I am mute.
I cannot tell you how I feel. 
I am silent.

Without music,
I don't have emotion.
I can not express myself.
I am silent

Without soul,
I am empty.
I can't feel.
I am silent.

But the catch here,
Is if no one cares,
I am still silent.

Yesterday I told you that I liked you.
Yesterday you told me that you liked me back.
You made me happy.
I am happy.

Thank you for that.

I am great.
I am adventurous.
I am daring.
I am important.
I am kind.
I am cool.
I am worthy.
I am moody.
I am caring.
I am me.
I am Caitlin.

Is it too much to ask to be happy?
To have someone who honestly makes me happy?
To have my heart smile when he walks in the room?
To have a half dozen inside jokes, where all it takes is one word and we ae both laughing?
To have someone to know me better than I know myself?
To be loved?
And to love them back with all my being?
Is it too much to ask if I can be happy?

She wore it proud around her neck.
Usually hidden by her hair,
She was the only one who really knew it was there.
It reminded her, that she had love.
It warned her, that she had love.
But she let go.
And so she wears her locket,
The chain like a noose around her neck.
Always there.

I am a hypocrite.
Sometimes I think that if I teach others,
The very words that I have heard,
That they will click in my brain...
Sadly that hasn't happened yet.

This which I am giving to you,
You must handle with care.
It's seen more wear and tear
Than you've ever seen in your life.
It's been bruised and broken,
Mended and glued back together.
Handle with care.
It's seen a lot, and been through a lot.
You must handle with care.
And if you don't..
Well you'll become responsible for some more of that wear and tear,
Those bruised and missing peices.
Another notch in the book.
But I am warning you now-
Handle with care.
My heart is fragile.
Please, handle with care.

Is it bad that I know longer know if I have a runny nose because I'm sick, or because I started to think of you..?

Someone said to me,
That if there's anyone who deserves a merry Christmas,
its you.
Well I'd like to disagree.
No one deserve a merry Christmas,
Because we can't earn what Christmas really means.
No one deserved to have God's Son come down to earth for them.
Not me, not you.
But the thing is,
He came anyway.

I am not a Cinderella
I don't need a ball gown or glass slippers

I am not Jasmine
I don't need a magic lamp or flying carpet

I am not Ariel
I don't have a fish tail

I am not Tiana
I don't need to kiss a frog

I am not Snow White
I don't need dwarves or poisoned Apple's

I still want that romance though
I want my prince charming, my Flynn Rider, my Eric
I want love..

I am a girl, a woman
I need someone to look at me with that look
I long for someone to hold me close
I want someone who will love me, for me.

That is what I am..
What I need.

Can't  you see what you do to me?
The way you make me feel?

Can't you see it in the way my eyes light when I talk around you?
Can't you see it in the way I act around you?
I'm not usually like this..
I was shy and unrevealing of  my emotions..

Can't you see that I trust you?
Can't you see that I love our hugs?
My arms around you shoulders and my face pressed into your neck?

Can't you see what you do to me?
Can't you see how you make me feel?

It's not at home
Not at church..

I'm not even sure it's with music any more..

I will love you,
Unconditionally

The question is,
Will you return that love?

I love to laugh,
I will laugh at my best friends face,
jokes, someone else's laugh,
I laugh at inside jokes,
even ones that happened months ago.

For me, laughter is the best medicine.
If I'm down, or haven't laughed in a while,
You know something is wrong.

Will anyone ever understand me?

I wish I were a cloud,
Far in the distance.
Where nobody bothers me, 
Where I'll be alone with my thoughts. 
Where I can be me. 
I wish I were a cloud,
Can I be a cloud?
Where I'd be floating and carefree.
Can I be a cloud?

I feel one..
A miracle.
It's coming....
I hope soon.

I've been told that I care too much.
And this is actually true.
My heart is too big,
Too open,
Too willing to simply give.
That I need to pull back some,
I come off too strong.

Its very hard for me to hate someone,
It's just something that I do.
You can hurt me,
Way down in my core,
Emotionally, Physically, Mentally
But You will still have part of my heart.

Some people say that this isn't good,
that its a curse.
How so?
I love people,
Yes, maybe more than I should.
But do people complain about loving too much?
Shouldn’t we be more concerned about those that aren’t loved enough?
Those that go through life broken, and damaged?

I am simply one person,
Who cares.
A lot for the people around me.
Strangers, people I’ve only met briefly,
Friends since birth, and yes,
Even you.

You see me,
At first glance,
I may look like a strong young women.
Like I have confidence,
Like I don't care about what other people say.
But if you look closer you'd see the miniscule fractures that make up my heart,
The broken peices of my soul left in the hands of those I love,
The tears that come down my eyes, when I think no one is looking.
*I am broken..
Always have been.
Always will.

It started with me crying,
And me running to someone who would listen.
Then ended with you telling me that you like me...

I feel like I continuously go through a cycle where I finally meet someone who makes me happy and then I begin doubting everything and insecurities creep into my head..
I can't breath and every little thing bugs me. I retreat back with in my head and it freaks people out.
If only, I could tell my heart to remain guarded all the time. I don't want to be like this, but every time, I get hurt. And I don't even have a reason to be. Its all in my head..