I've stopped telling myself there's still a possibility it'll be okay
Honestly,
Mostly only because I've run out of things to say
That and I am tired of lying to myself everyday
There must be another way...
Either that or I just don't know how to play
What do the rules say?

©2024

I can not change a past future
And it's lookin' ever more likely I can't alter tomorrow either
Hell,
I might not make it through today's slaughter
If something doesn't go in my favor
The odds stack higher and higher
Then are topped with a dumpster fire
It's forever getting harder
To change the mindset of, "why bother?"
I desperately search out shelter
To begin another attempt at a repair
Go figure,
Once again it's a hopeless endeavor
It has me grasping at any answer
Like gasping for air
No thoughts of grandgure here,
Just a father in battle worn armor
But a desperate depression's taking over
Still holding a glimmer of hope, just a sliver
And a half-hearted prayer not to falter
While they tell me I can't possibly know what's in store
I beg to differ...

©2024

This humble pie
Is more like a shiit sandwich on rye
With a side of sty
Now there's a plank firmly implanted in each pink eye
Life's painful, but I'm suppose to be too mocho to cry
No one knows how many times I've wanted to die
Or the number of times I gave it a good ol' college try
Who do you think I am... no really, who am I
I think I'm my own stories fall guy
Fall back on the lie
That I can fix it all with a slipknot neck tie
What's more influential? Good or evil
In my experience it's surely a tie
But between you and I
The devil has more pull that the "infallible" eye in the sky
Call 'em both out, see who stops by
Or even bothers to reply
My money's on the pitchfork guy


©2024

It's bull shiit
All of it
Every single statement
Every last bit
Prove to me it isn't
Show me one instant
Where it's somehow different
I'll try to be patient

©2024

I wonder why I wonder
What a thing to sit and ponder
Especially now that I'm older
What will I do with what I discover?
What if I discover joy is in the adventure not in the answer?
Or is that how I'll play off an answer that's never there?

©2024

Thoughts refusing to leave yesterday
Won't stay out of tomorrow
Aware of the price one might pay
For lingering in past sorrow
Or fearing a role one might play
In a future no one could know
Becoming oblivious to the passing of every present day
Standing at a crossroad like, "where'd today go?"

©2024

Have you ever had one of those moments?
You know, like;
when before you can begin to get a sentence in, you see the other person's eyes roll.
when words of wisdom sound arrogant and cynical.
when you know you're being far too critical.
when your obnoxiously focused on the most simple wrinkle.
when your little issues seem to flip to psychosis and drive you mental.
when your own thoughts threaten to send you to a hospital.
when tomorrow feels like just another obstacle.
Those moments when breathing feels impossible
When contemplating turns suicidal
And dreaming becomes unbearable
That special moment when it sets in that this doesn't feel like living,
This feels more like survival
No?
You've never had that feeling of being out of control,
Lost in a downward spiral?
Where you swear,
This mountain used to be a molehill...

®2024