I lay on my bed soaking my pillow with my tears,
I try to remember exactly what it is that I fear.
Is it the passing of time or the love that I lack?
Is it the mistakes that I've made or the fact that I can't bring the past back?
What is it that I'm afraid of?
Why am I so scared?
Is it the people I've hurt or the people that have hurt me?
Am I afraid of everything that I can't seem to see?
Is it the love of a friend, or the loss of my family?
Is it the possibility that my life can end in a tragedy?
What is it that I fear most?
What do my eyes say I'm scared of?
Is it the sun that sets but won't seem to rise?
Is it the hope that I have that always seems to die?
Is it the trust of a person that I cannot begin to grasp?
Is it all the memories of my horrid past?
Is it me?
Can it possibly be that the thing I fear most is the thing I can't be?
The things that I try to understand?
The me that I try to be with when I'm feeling sad?
The person I'm expected to be? Is that what I fear? . . .

My eyes glistening with tears,
But not yet fallen.
I'm crying, but they're silent tears.
I'm crying on the inside so you are unable to see
All the pain running though me.

I never sleep,
For fear of what tomorrow might bring.
How can I be so lost
In a place I know so well?
How can I be so confused
Surrounded by so many?

Always forced to fight.
A fight I never seem to win.
I've fought for so long.
When will this ever end?
Sometimes I walk past everyone as if I were invisible.

Everything's moving with no place to go.
I tell myself that everything's going to be ok,
But it's seizures.
The time it took to change me.
The life I had, I can't have back.
Yet I can't see why all these tears feel so unreal.
I'm not the same, my words are still unsaid.
So instead, I write them on paper.
What I hide is buried deep within me.

So many tears I have shed in the dark,
Hidden away in the privacy of my own thoughts,
Only to be shelved with morning's first light
Because of no courage to speak of my pain.
And it hurts to know that I'll never be the same,
Knowing I'll never be the girl I used to be.
If you only knew what I've been through,
Or maybe you could take a walk in my shoes,
Because this is sometimes how I feel.

we struggle to have meaning
in this world which we all know
we try but yet we wonder
where we all should go
hidden in the questions
which we can not find
the answers are all hidden
deep inside our minds
hidden in our soul
is the life we try to hide
but in time it will find you
and it will release
all of its secrets hidden beneath
so before it ruins the life you have made
release those dark secrets
and the memories will fade
hidden in our lives are stories left untold
of the things we didn't want them to know
but once you tell somebody
and make your feelings known
the struggle will be over
and you'll finally be home

Depression is oppression.
It's a deadly hidden message
Defined by self-hate.
It seals its prisoner's fate.
It holds you captive and throws out the key.
It stabs and jabs just to see you bleed,
Inflicting wounds that scar for life.
Destruction is its mother and death its wife.

You can cry, but it will always ignore your screams.
It terrorizes your soul and haunts your dreams.
It sends you false hope through a bottle or pill.
It destroys your goals and inflicts its will.
You can't run, nor can you hide.
By its rules you will abide
Until it celebrates that you have died.
Open your eyes, or you will be its prey.
It will blur your vision in the most twisted way.
It will seek your destruction and call for your head.
You will lie and wait but never rest in your bed.

Peace will come to those who want peace,
But as long as you feed him, you will see the beast.
You can't run, nor can you hide,
But if you conquer the beast, you will survive.
Prayer and hope can lead the way.
Cling on to every word you pray.
Hope is in truth.
Hate is in lies.
Pray for your soul and open your eyes.

in a world filled with changes
each and every day..

I feel I'm being judged
for what I do and say..

I remember back to Barbies
and play days at the park..

When I didn't worry about
other people's remarks..

Now looking in the mirror
I see to my surprise..

A completely different person
staring in my eyes..

The carefree little girl
I saw at 4 and 5..

Is now becoming a teen..
Just trying to survive...

My best friend is a book
that doesn't give me a weird look.
It is like a golden door
that takes me to the land where I have never been before.
It tells me the tales of fairy
that take me to the land full of merry.
Some books are bored like history,
which is like a big mystery.
Books are the source of enlightenment
that vanish darkness and fill our life with brightness.

Wind whistling,
Snow glistening,
We try not to,
But we're all listening.

Loud screams,
Bad dreams,
It's very far,
But close it seems.

Sad day,
Lost our way,
All we can do,
Is simply pray.

Innocence gone,
Life no longer long,
We may not know,
But we're all doing wrong.

Joy lost,
The Holocaust,
We look to see,
Hearts covered in frost.

Wars fought,
Sins taught,
Making mistakes,
Hoping not to be caught.

Not taking blame,
Pushing for fame,
As advanced as we are,
We're still all untamed.

Too much pride,
Needing a guide,
We will deny it,
But behind lies we hide.

Hurting others,
Betraying brother,
Many forgetting,
To appreciate mothers.

Lies are fed,
Filling heart and head,
Through all of these years,
Innocent blood has been shed.

Children abandoned,
Lonely and stranded,
We're all wasting the life
That we have been handed.

Taking from the poor,
We're loving no more,
Fight to be free,
End up starting a war.

People starting fights,
No longer enjoying the sights,
While mere mortals are taking
Our God given rights.

Soldiers killed,
Void can't be filled,
Pay close attention,
For pure souls have been tilled.

Need to find peace,
Work together like geese,
But greatest of all,
The hate needs to cease

When I am with you
eternity is a step away
my love continues to grow
with each passing day

This treasure of love
I cherish within my soul
how much I love you...
you'll never really know

You bring a joy to my heart
I have never felt before
with each touch of your hand
I love you more and more

Whenever we say goodbye
whenever we part
know I hold you dearly
deep inside my heart

Your lips speak soft sweetness
Your touch a cool caress
I am lost in your magic
My heart beats within your chest.

I think of you each morning
and dream of you each night
I think of your arms being around me
and cannot express my delight.

Never have I fallen
but I am quickly on my way
You hold a heart in your hands
that has never before been given away.

Capitalism is religion.
Banks are churches.
Bankers are priests.
Wealth is heaven.
Poverty is hell.
Rich people are saints.
Poor people are sinners.
Commodities are blessings.
**money is god

The moment I think about you
I go to another world
A world where you love me too
And where I can never be hurt

The truth is I don't know what to say
My mind goes completely blank
I have never in my life lost my way
But my heart with your love simply sank

If letting go was a choice
Then I definitely would
But I can't control the strong voice
That's telling me I never should

I have no clue
On how I should let you go
What is it that you do?
That's making me love you so...

Maybe loving you isn't a mistake
Maybe I can close my eyes and smile
Maybe in your presence my heart wouldn't break
Maybe I can just dream for a while...

I sometimes wonder if you feel the same
I wonder if you think of me
I sometimes wonder if you silently call my name
I wonder if you'll ever see...

In the beginning I thought it was fake
I didn't think I'd go this far
I thought it was just a mistake
Now I can't stop wondering where you are

The question is do you care?
Do you even know?
Will you always be there?
Will you ever let me go?

If for any reason I cried
Would you take all the pain away?
If for any reason you lied
Would I still want you to stay?

My love for you is way too strong
For me to simply forget
Some people might think it's wrong
But your love is the one thing I can't regret.

I don't know how to say this,
but I thank you very much
for always being there for me
your gentle, friendly touch

You helped me to get better
and stop what I regret
you helped me through the hard times
that, I can't forget.
thank you.

You listened to my problems
in a kind and caring way
and without you
I may not be smiling today
thank you.

I trust you with my secrets
that no one has been told
I trust you with my feelings
and in my heart, your words I'll take
until I'm grey and old
thank you.

Why can't you love me and accept me for who I am?
I always try my hardest; I do the best I can.
Can't you see how sad I've been?
The way you treated me must have been a sin.
For a long time, I've tried to make you proud.
But instead of encouraging words, I get put down.
Stop trying to live my life for me.
I'm not a kid anymore, **** it, just let me be.
You don't like my friends, or anything I do.
Tell me, what the hell did I ever do to you?
You always take someone else's side, and turn against me.
My friends treat me with respect, and they love me for me.
No matter what, I'm here for them, and they're here for me.
I've never felt this happy before; happiness for me was rare.
Now that I'm happy in this new life of mine, do you even care?

Just a title
Nothing more
I am sorry to say
We have no rapport

Better this way
Than playing pretend
This is the way I have come to contend

Just a title
Nothing more
I'm finally able to close the door

You did this yourself
All on your own
I hope you like feeling alone

I have tried too much
Now I am tired of holding the clutch

Just a title
Nothing more
Is what I have decided for

You made your choice
Now you must lie
Now I see your chosen side

Just a title
Nothing more
'Mother' now I shut the door.

You are blind
You can never see
All the anger built up in me
I hated life
I wanted out
You didn't care
You would just shout

I felt so alone
Thought I didn't need anyone
Turns out I just needed a mum

The black sheep
I was never apart
Furthest away from your heart
Things have changed
I'm growing old
I don't need you
You still feel cold


I'm now out of sight
Out of mind
I don't need you, I'll do alright
I don't need your blessing
Or your cash
Without your help I'll make a splash
Land on my feet with a crash


I'm happier than ever
My life's brand new
And most of all
I'm not like you.

Where were you
When I struggled to get home

Where were you
When I needed someone to confide in

Where were you
When I needed help

Where were you
When I was alone

Where were you
When I had nothing

Where were you
When I was scared

Where were you
When I was forced to bare myself

Where were you
When I needed helping hands

Where were you
When my life dwindled on life or death

Where were you
When I lost my sense of reality

Where were you
When I was being defiled

Where were you
When I was being filled with hate

Where were you
When I was surrounded by anger

Where were you
When I wanted to die

Where were you
When I wanted a hug

Where were you
When I needed confidence

Where were you
When my life was asunder

Where were you
When I felt used

Where were you
When I lost all sense of right

Where were you
When I began to forget

Where were you
When I began to deny

Where were you
When I sought only self-gratification

Where were you
When I desired truth

Where were you
When I desired understanding

Where were you
When my Mother wasn't to be found

I know where you were
You were watching me

You were watching me
Begin to hate myself

You were watching me
Be defiled

You were watching me
Struggle home

You were watching me
When I needed help

You were watching me
Deny the truth

You were watching me
Seek truth

You were watching me
Be surrounded with anger

You were watching me
Be live for and with hate

You were watching me
When I was alone

You were watching me
When I needed a confidant

You were watching me
Lose my sense of self

You were watching me
Seek after my own demise

You were watching me
Fill my cup with self-gratification

You were watching me
When I needed more hands

You were watching me
When I was scared

You were watching me
Be forced upon

You were watching me
As I was in need

You were watching me
As death knocked at my door

You were watching me
Need love and attention

You were watching me
Lose self-esteem

You were watching me
When I forgot truth

You were watching me
Believe lies

You were watching me
When I sought understanding

All this time you only watched
My own parents ONLY watched.

Looking in your eyes
Tells me something's wrong
Never began to realize
You've neglected for so long.

It seems you're never there
You never really try
And every time I want to be with you
You make up stupid lies.

I feel as if
I'm just your friend
That you hate being around
So don't pretend

Don't say you love me
With that dreadful tone
It doesn't make sense
Why you never answer your phone

I feel like you're dead
Because you're never there
You're dead to me
How is that fair

Do you ever cry over me?
Do you ever stop and wonder?
About how I am doing
You're just a silent thunder

So now when you need me
I hope you know I won't be here
I hope one day you read this
And it brings a world of fear

I don't want your hugs
And fake understanding

I'm sorry,
But I gotta say
I'll always love you
But never look my way!

Tell me how to love someone
who doesn't love me back.

Tell me how to respect someone
who doesn't deserve my respect.

Tell me how to trust someone
who betrayed me so badly.

Tell me how to care for someone
who never cared about me.

Tell me how to speak nicely to someone
who only spoke down to me with bad words.

Tell me how to get along with someone
who brought me nothing but endless tears.

Tell me how to get close to someone
who caused me so much pain.

Tell me how to forgive someone
who hurt me so severely.

Tell me how to open my heart to someone
who broke it to pieces too many times.

Ethereal wings,
Divine magical luminescence,
halo of pure light.

An angel on the edge,
spreading her wings,

will she fly or fall?

Angelic tears
create rain.

Even angels
feel pain.

Tears fill my eyes
images flying through my head
my childhood memories of places
I'm not home.

No one understands
I don't belong here
I don't want to be here
but I don't have a choise